Can someone review my cover letter for H and M?

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ABCDEF99
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Dear Sir/Madam,
Many thanks for taking the time to read this application. I am applying for H&M because I am always impressed with their customer service and I believe that I could be a great asset to the team there. Through my various work experiences, I have developed excellent communication and selling skills; my love for helping and talking to people would mean that I am able to sell clothes to many customers. This position also matches my career aspirations since I want to work at a retail company in the future, preferably in a people-facing role.

I want to work at H&M specifically because of your company’s impressive clothing lines and collaborations with prestigious designers and influencers. I was particularly impressed by your collaboration with Naomi Campbell and its message of global female empowerment. I am a regular customer at your store, making me familiar with your clothes. Because I am so familiar with H&M’s clothes, I am able to advise and obtain for customers on what they want to buy.

To conclude, this position matches my career interests and I think that my experience and skills match your standards with regards to working in a demanding retail environment.
I hope, therefore, that on consideration of my CV, you will be persuaded of my potential to perform well and to make a real contribution to your business. I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Yours faithfully,
XXXXXXX
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threeportdrift
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(Original post by ABCDEF99)
Dear Sir/Madam,
Many thanks for taking the time to read this application. I am applying for H&M because I am always impressed with their customer service and I believe that I could be a great asset to the team there. Through my various work experiences, I have developed excellent communication and selling skills; my love for helping and talking to people would mean that I am able to sell clothes to many customers. This position also matches my career aspirations since I want to work at a retail company in the future, preferably in a people-facing role.

I want to work at H&M specifically because of your company’s impressive clothing lines and collaborations with prestigious designers and influencers. I was particularly impressed by your collaboration with Naomi Campbell and its message of global female empowerment. I am a regular customer at your store, making me familiar with your clothes. Because I am so familiar with H&M’s clothes, I am able to advise and obtain for customers on what they want to buy.

To conclude, this position matches my career interests and I think that my experience and skills match your standards with regards to working in a demanding retail environment.
I hope, therefore, that on consideration of my CV, you will be persuaded of my potential to perform well and to make a real contribution to your business. I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Yours faithfully,
XXXXXXX
You've got the right material, but you are jumbling up the order you present it in.

The first sentence should be a clear statement that this is an application for [job title] as advertised [wherever]

The you have a short paragraph saying why you want to do this sort of work - in your case fashion retail

Then you have a short paragraph saying why you want to work for H&M

Then you have a longer paragraph which pulls together the evidence of your three strongest skills. Don't just list every skill under the sun and claim you've got them, pick three and give specific evidence that demonstrates each skill
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-Eirlys-
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(Original post by ABCDEF99)
Dear Sir/Madam,
Many thanks for taking the time to read this application. I am applying for H&M because I am always impressed with their customer service and I believe that I could be a great asset to the team there. Through my various work experiences, I have developed excellent communication and selling skills; my love for helping and talking to people would mean that I am able to sell clothes to many customers. This position also matches my career aspirations since I want to work at a retail company in the future, preferably in a people-facing role.

I want to work at H&M specifically because of your company’s impressive clothing lines and collaborations with prestigious designers and influencers. I was particularly impressed by your collaboration with Naomi Campbell and its message of global female empowerment. I am a regular customer at your store, making me familiar with your clothes. Because I am so familiar with H&M’s clothes, I am able to advise and obtain for customers on what they want to buy.

To conclude, this position matches my career interests and I think that my experience and skills match your standards with regards to working in a demanding retail environment.
I hope, therefore, that on consideration of my CV, you will be persuaded of my potential to perform well and to make a real contribution to your business. I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Yours faithfully,
XXXXXXX
(Original post by threeportdrift)
You've got the right material, but you are jumbling up the order you present it in.

The first sentence should be a clear statement that this is an application for [job title] as advertised [wherever]

The you have a short paragraph saying why you want to do this sort of work - in your case fashion retail

Then you have a short paragraph saying why you want to work for H&M

Then you have a longer paragraph which pulls together the evidence of your three strongest skills. Don't just list every skill under the sun and claim you've got them, pick three and give specific evidence that demonstrates each skill
I agree. ^

OP, you need to say immediately 'I am applying for the role of [job role] at [the store].' Don't start with thanks for your time, you can write that at the very end if you wish to include it. In a cover letter, you have to come across as confident and forthcoming about what you offer. You basically have to brag.

I think the information about their collaboration is something you'd keep for the interview to show what you know about the business. This information isn't related to you. They want to learn about you, not about their own company. Your cover letter comes across more as praising the business than praising yourself.

You should be specific about where you've worked, what skills it taught you or developed and give an example. Maybe share a time you dealt with a rude or difficult customer and what the positive outcome was. Talk about what you're like as an employee; do you work hard, are you efficient and reliable, are you punctual?

Be careful about writing too much about the job being conducive to your career goals because it looks like you're using the job as a springboard and you won't stick around for long. Instead focus on what this new job could bring to your personal development, what skills it'll help you develop. Give the impression that you're open to opportunities that may arise within that workplace, such as future management positions.

Most importantly, look at their person specifications and tailor your cover letter to that. Make sure you cover everything that is outlined in both essential and desirable criteria. If they don't offer that, look up online what personal qualities is preferred in retail. That's what I did for a recent application (though it was a supporting information section, not a cover letter) and I got the job. I included how I met all the essential criteria, made it clear about the desirable criteria I met and covered some more of the desirable criteria that I didn't meet. But there is no use saying you meet a criteria without explaining how or giving an example. I'd be happy to send you that privately so you can get can get an idea of what you could include.

There are great cover letter templates online that outline what to write and have been a big help to me.
Last edited by -Eirlys-; 2 years ago
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