Depressed because boyfriend sort of cheated

I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few daysla ter he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.

I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.

I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few days later he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.
I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.

I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few days later he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.
I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.

I’m currently 22 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for a little over 3 and a half years (met first year of uni). Most of our relationship has been extremely happy, we get on well, have a lot in common & are very open and communicative. We have also been living together for the past year whilst completing our masters courses.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend told me he slept over in the same bed with his female friend whilst I was away overnight (he told me as soon as I came home). I was really really upset over this because it felt like a breach of our trust. A few days later he then confessed he also briefly kissed her, which obviously made me feel even worse. He feels really bad about it and it was a brief mistake as he was drunk and pulled away immediately, but I still feel devastated about it. We have been talking about it a lot since it happened & he knows how upset I am.
I realise that it was only a kiss & could have been much worse, but I feel deeply sad that he betrayed my trust like this, as I trusted him so unconditionally before and now feel that trust has been broken. A lot of the time I am actually more upset about them sleeping in the same bed together than the kiss, as this feels both more intimate and less like a spontaneous mistake. It also upsets me that I was under the impression that he didn’t like drinking (same as me) for most of our relationship but has recently been going out a lot with this friend (with others there as well) and getting drunk, so I feel that there is a side to him that I didn’t know about which again has impacted my trust. I don’t really feel angry with him most of the time, as I realise people make mistakes & we have been so happy together up until now that I mostly just feel horribly sad this has happened to us. I also feel anxious all the time, especially when he’s out with his friends with the girl he kissed (he asked me if I wanted him to stop seeing her, but I didn’t really want to ban him from seeing her because I don’t feel that restricting what he does is a good way to rebuild trust, and he doesn’t have any feelings for her so I feel it would be unfair to keep him from seeing her when they are good friends, so I just asked him to not spend time alone with her anymore, which he has agreed to).
Basically, I want to get past this and move on from it but I am really struggling and if anything becoming more & more sad. I’ve been crying about it almost every day for weeks and it’s becoming exhausting. I also keep on thinking of them together and find it really difficult to suppress my imagination and push the images from my head (especially since I met the girl for the first time the other day so know a bit more about her). I feel like I am grieving for our relationship how it was before, when we trusted each other unconditionally and were always happy around each other. I keep obsessively wishing that I could go back in time to before this happened which is becoming a major issue and making me feel worse. I’m feeling very alone a lot of the time, even when me and my boyfriend are together, because I feel that this has put distance between us. I am also worried that I am becoming depressed again (suffered with depression throughout teenage years) as I’m getting compulsive thoughts about self-harm since this happened (something which I have always struggled with but which has become significantly worse because of this), so I really want to try and improve things before it gets really bad again.
I am just wondering if anyone can share any advice on how to get past this and just move on (especially if you have been in a similar situation), and stop feeling so sad all the time about it and go back to how things were before with my boyfriend. I also really don’t want to let my constantly getting upset mess things up more and drive distance between us.
Sorry for the really long post, in summary: my boyfriend kissed and slept over with his female friend which has made me very depressed, and I would like advice on how to get past it and let it go.

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks

I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop sing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far.
I do not plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, as I think the whole mentality that people have at the moment that doing one thing wrong when you have otherwise been a good and supportive partner warrants a break-up is not great. I do not think that ending a 3+ year relationship with someone who I am in love with because they made a single mistake is worth it, everyone makes mistakes and it would be inhuman to expect otherwise.
I only want advice on how to stop obsessing over something that I can't do anything about; it is in the past and I would like to move past it and not let it ruin my relationship.
Thanks

Simple, spend even more time with him & try new things maybe help eachother achieve your life goas etc. create great memories SO great that they easily overwhelm & replace old ones, the best way to not obssess over the past is to celebrate the present, place trust in him & really push your relationship as far as it can go, it will bring you closer & youll be able to overcome mistakes easier

Thank you, that's very helpful and exactly what my mum said