Need opinions! Supporting my now disabled brother with care routines.

Hi guys!
This year hasn’t exactly been the greatest for my family.. my parents relationship isn’t the best at the moment to put it lightly. My older brother (19) was involved in a serious car accident in Feb and now has an acquired brain injury as a result. He is unable to walk, struggles with independently feeding himself and is very very slowly regaining some of the skills in which he previously had eg walking, talking, communicating etc.
My brother currently requires a high level of support with his basic care (feeding, changing pads (adult nappies), showering, drinking etc)

My mum has had to give up work and now acts as my brothers caregiver, my dad works long hours and often works night shifts.. I’ve never really offered to help with any of his personal care needs as I’ve never been asked to step in and didn’t want to seem as if I’m trying to take over from my mum but I know my mum is exhausted and could really do with someone taking over from her for a few hours or helping.

Is it appropriate for me to be helping with the previously listed care needs? If you have a sibling with disabilities/injuries do you help out? I would really value the opinions from people on here particularly those with disabled siblings/young carers.

I think if you are willing then yes it is appropriate for you to help out with your brothers care needs. I imagine your brother and mother would appreciate it, I doubt your mother would ever view it as you taking over... maybe you could talk to her about it?

My mum had multiple sclerosis and I was a young carer up until I was 13 and she had some of the same problems like not being able to walk/eat etc.
I’d say you should do what you can to help out and give your mum a break for a bit, if you’re on the younger side like I was I wouldn’t stress out tonight much about the really nasty jobs like having to take him to the toilet and stuff, just try and do things like feeding him his dinner every now and then or getting him ready in the morning for example it was always my job to put on my mums socks and shoes and make and help her drink her tea in the morning. Just try and do simple things like this etc.
Literally every little thing helps and it would be nice for your mum to have a little bit of stress relieved.

It's totally ok for you to help out. Your brother may be uncomfortable with you doing personal care stuff if you're his little sister. But there's no reason not to take some of the strain in terms of feeding, socialising etc. I imagine your mum doesn't want to make things harder for you when it's already a terrible thing to be going through as a family but shed probably appreciate the help.

Thanks for this, I think it’ll be awkward for me to change pads etc as it’s not like I’ve grown up with him being disabled and I’m really not too sure on how much he understands. I’ve spoken to my mum and i am going to start to do little things to help out. She just wants me to enjoy my summer as I’ve just finished school but I’m hoping I can help to take some of the pressure of my mum for the next few months.

I would like to help with his socialisation too which isn’t exactly helping my mum out with his care needs but I think he’d benefit as unfortunately he hasn’t had any of his old friends come to visit or stay round after his accident which is upsetting but understandable. Any ideas of what I could do with him?

Thanks so much for your reply.