The Student Room Group

Can all relationship issues be solved with better communication?

It seems whenever there is an issue posted to the relationship section that the only advice people dish out is “better communication” and that you should talk to your partner about the issue. Do you think this can solve Virtually any issue you have in a relationship?

Scroll to see replies

Obviously not literally every issue but yes, it does help clarify any confusion.
Sometimes but not always. Sometimes it’s just a dead ting
No.

Many of the threads in the Relationships section involves someone listing all their problems with their partner, but saying they've never explained these things to their boy/girlfriend. Speaking is the only way to communicate their feelings. Too many people expect their partners to be mindreaders or to pick up on subtle hints instead of just saying what they really mean. It doesn't necessarily fix the issue (it can just as easily lead to a break-up) but it's the only way to make a change - good or bad.
Many issues but not all, if you're just not compatible as people then it won't work.
Original post by Anonymous
It seems whenever there is an issue posted to the relationship section that the only advice people dish out is “better communication” and that you should talk to your partner about the issue. Do you think this can solve Virtually any issue you have in a relationship?

Yes, it can.
Either because through talking you come to an understanding (and what's more to a better understanding yourself too!), or because you at least make your partner aware of something they might not have realised about you, how you feel, how they come across to you, etc, ... or you communicate, and through this you might conclude that this is not going to work for you. This latter might mean that you part ways, and that there is no relationship any more, but that is a certain solution too, and probably makes break up easier to process in the long run.

Choosing not to communicate is a bigger mystery to me. Why? What are the reasons or justifications?
Reply 6
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, it can.
Either because through talking you come to an understanding (and what's more to a better understanding yourself too!), or because you at least make your partner aware of something they might not have realised about you, how you feel, how they come across to you, etc, ... or you communicate, and through this you might conclude that this is not going to work for you. This latter might mean that you part ways, and that there is no relationship any more, but that is a certain solution too, and probably makes break up easier to process in the long run.

Choosing not to communicate is a bigger mystery to me. Why? What are the reasons or justifications?


I guess choosing not to communicate is down to a few reasons, maybe not knowing how to word yourself or worrying that your issue isn’t a big deal and that you are embarrassing yourself or will be judged. Maybe you are worried about starting conflict and that your SO will feel attacked and that it will just lead to more miscommunication. Maybe it could create more tension and make the issue worse. This doesn’t always mean the relationship should end though. Maybe you and your partner are going strong, are in a healthy relationship and love each other but a slight miscommunication error has lead to hurt feelings and could damage the relationship. Sometimes it’s not always easy and can be intimidating to open up about issues. It’s not always just as simple as someone saying “tell them how you feel” or “you need to talk about this to your SO”
Communication can solve so many problems in any relationship whether it is friendship, between family members or dating. It seems to me people often don't speak to their partners about things because they don't want to seem annoying or obsessive or whatever, but sometimes a little chat can make a massive difference. Somethings however, can not be fixed through communication alone.
Reply 8
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
He’s another thing to think about.
Do you think an unhealthy relationship can become healthy and happy?
And if so do you think all relationships are salvageable?
Communication is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, a 'successful' one at that.
Original post by Anonymous
He’s another thing to think about.
Do you think an unhealthy relationship can become healthy and happy?
And if so do you think all relationships are salvageable?

Yes. I do think an unhealthy relationship can become healthy and happy. No one purposefully goes into a bad relationship from the outset, there was clearly something that was attractive about the other person that made them want to be with him/her.

No. I don't think ALL relationships are salavagable.

Some people don't understand the need for communication, it strengthens and forms the foundation of every relationship, without it no relationship will prosper.
Yes. Sometimes the solution is to end the relationship and it takes effective communication for you to reach that resolution.
Reply 12
Avatar for UWS
UWS
21
Original post by Anonymous
I guess choosing not to communicate is down to a few reasons, maybe not knowing how to word yourself or worrying that your issue isn’t a big deal and that you are embarrassing yourself or will be judged. Maybe you are worried about starting conflict and that your SO will feel attacked and that it will just lead to more miscommunication. Maybe it could create more tension and make the issue worse. This doesn’t always mean the relationship should end though. Maybe you and your partner are going strong, are in a healthy relationship and love each other but a slight miscommunication error has lead to hurt feelings and could damage the relationship. Sometimes it’s not always easy and can be intimidating to open up about issues. It’s not always just as simple as someone saying “tell them how you feel” or “you need to talk about this to your SO”

Being in a relationship should mean that you are comfortable in sharing how you feel. If you feel intimidated you need to ask yourself why that is. Do you trust your partner to react in a dismissive or supportive way? If it's the former then the relationship isn't healthy. People in relationships should be able to listen to each other's problems and try and deal with it in an appropriate way. If they get angry or get defensive, then clearly they're displaying part of the problem that has been raised.

If something is bothering you about the relationship, trying to shove it underneath the sofa is not going to make things better. The majority of posts on this forum mostly revolve around how boyfriends/girlfriends are doing something that upsets the OP or doesn't make them comfortable. In these cases, hiding their feelings will only make the relationship more uncomfortable for the person.

So in short, yes communication can help bring light to the situation and in most cases it can solve issues, but it's difficult to bring it forward in a civil and sensible way. That's what people ask for help about.
(edited 4 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
It seems whenever there is an issue posted to the relationship section that the only advice people dish out is “better communication” and that you should talk to your partner about the issue. Do you think this can solve Virtually any issue you have in a relationship?

No. Communication cannot fix every issues but it can iron out non issues and allow for compromise. However, everyone has things you would never compromise on and no amount of communication will fix that. Things like whether you both want children. But it’s all about your hard boarders. For me, those include me not being willing to move to another country. However, love clouds things and, for the right person, some of your hard boarders may in fact be malleable. Word of warning though. You are more flexible when you are young. As you get older you start to settle in your ways. You are less of a risk taker. Just something to bear in mind.
me and my boyfriend just ended it. we communicated perfectly and through that we found that we were both looking for majorly different things. communication wouldn’t change that. and now we’re still friends and now we both know what we’re looking for. so No communication doesn’t solve it all
Original post by Anonymous
I guess choosing not to communicate is down to a few reasons, maybe not knowing how to word yourself or worrying that your issue isn’t a big deal and that you are embarrassing yourself or will be judged. Maybe you are worried about starting conflict and that your SO will feel attacked and that it will just lead to more miscommunication. Maybe it could create more tension and make the issue worse. This doesn’t always mean the relationship should end though. Maybe you and your partner are going strong, are in a healthy relationship and love each other but a slight miscommunication error has lead to hurt feelings and could damage the relationship. Sometimes it’s not always easy and can be intimidating to open up about issues. It’s not always just as simple as someone saying “tell them how you feel” or “you need to talk about this to your SO”

Communication is always important. If you cannot communicate with your partner then your relationship is doomed.

For a healthy relationship, you need to communicate and be honest with each other. That way they can learn what you like and don’t like.

You seem to worry that you will say the wrong thing and make things worse. Your partner should have patience with you when you try to communicate difficult things. That doesn’t mean you won’t fight but if you are too scared to say things because your partner always kicks off then that’s a different issue and you should be considering whether you want to continue your relationship.

I’m 35, my biggest relationship regrets are those times I wasn’t fully honest with my partner or worse myself. In the honeymoon period, everything feels amazing. Once that starts to wear off, you need to re evaluate your relationship. People are often not how they appear at first.

I don’t know if this will help but here’s one of mine. I was dating this guy and he was in debt. Lots of debt. He was also unemployed at the time but so was I. He always had a really good reason why things never worked out. Well, over the course of the 2 years, I get a job and save a deposit for a flat. He was still accruing debt. He wanted us to move in together so I started saving extra hard for the two of us. He got impatient. Said we should just get a council house. Like that’s super easy. Anyway, long story short, that man who have ruined me. He would have stayed in my flat, ate my food, played video games and worse I’d have needed a receipt for everything I bought as the debt collectors would have be at my door. What I’m saying is that sometimes the guy or girl who you think is down on their luck isn’t at all. And that relationship could never have worked. We just weren’t suited because we had different life goals. I hope that helps.
(edited 4 years ago)
Original post by FingersXed84
No. Communication cannot fix every issues but it can iron out non issues and allow for compromise. However, everyone has things you would never compromise on and no amount of communication will fix that. Things like whether you both want children. But it’s all about your hard boarders. For me, those include me not being willing to move to another country. However, love clouds things and, for the right person, some of your hard boarders may in fact be malleable. Word of warning though. You are more flexible when you are young. As you get older you start to settle in your ways. You are less of a risk taker. Just something to bear in mind.

I would argue with the age thing vs flexibility. My experience is that in their younger years people can be more headstrong (even selfish?) and not very willing to see the issues of others, however this can improve with time. Experience can teach us that compromise and meeting the other half way have their own value, and it is actually not a loss but a gain, when we are able to see and accommodate that.
This is certainly my experience:-)
Original post by euqinimod
me and my boyfriend just ended it. we communicated perfectly and through that we found that we were both looking for majorly different things. communication wouldn’t change that. and now we’re still friends and now we both know what we’re looking for. so No communication doesn’t solve it all

But this is a solution you are talking about in my view.
That's what I mentioned earlier here. You might not have saved your relationship, but through communication
- you two managed to remain friends
- now you know what you are looking for
- you took away a very important lesson for the future.

I am not saying it was easy or painless for you guys, but without communication you could have ended up with a bitter break up resulting in such stuckness that could take years to undo and move forward.
Original post by Anonymous
I would argue with the age thing vs flexibility. My experience is that in their younger years people can be more headstrong (even selfish?) and not very willing to see the issues of others, however this can improve with time. Experience can teach us that compromise and meeting the other half way have their own value, and it is actually not a loss but a gain, when we are able to see and accommodate that.
This is certainly my experience:-)

You are right. You can be all those things when you are very young. However, I am entering the stage of life when you actually enjoy your own company. Your own own apartment. You own rules. And you start to get used to that. Then when you are dating you realise the compromises you would have to make and realise often that you are unwilling to make them. Remember I’m 35 and often the people I date are older. They will also have things they are no longer willing to compromise on. They will have careers and apartments of their own. And their own rules. It’s kinda a teens vs 20s vs 35+ thing. At this stage, if you won’t fit into my life easily then we aren’t going to work. I love my life as is so a partner needs to enhance that. Plenty of my friends who aren’t married have just given up on finding anyone and want to be single forever. I’m not quite sure I feel like that but I can now relate to why you see 40 year old women who haven’t dated in 10 years.

It’s like my parents says there is a time for everything so find yours.
Original post by Anonymous
It seems whenever there is an issue posted to the relationship section that the only advice people dish out is “better communication” and that you should talk to your partner about the issue. Do you think this can solve Virtually any issue you have in a relationship?

Not all issues, but the vast majority. A lot of issues won't even arise if people just communicated with each other.

A lot of threads here are "my boyfriend does this and I don't like it" or "she chooses to do this instead of this" and the only solution is talk to each other.

People aren't mind readers. If you're upset with your partner or you're having a problem, communication will help. If you just sit and fester without saying anything then of course the problem won't go away.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you