Why is my sex drive so low with my boyfriend
Note - I talk about sex quite graphically so don't read if this makes you uncomfortable.
I am a female age 19. I've been sexually active for about 2 years, never really with a regular partner, until I met my boyfriend who i've now been with for a year. My first time was painful and I never really started properly enjoying sex before meeting bf, a lot of my encounters were kind of awkward and not great for me, I never came from sex or foreplay with any of these previous partners and didn't find the sensation of intercourse pleasurable really at all. I have always been very interested in sex and masturbated a lot from a young age and continued to do so when I became sexually active, I fantasised a lot about sex (although not really about anyone I knew), watched porn and was very interested and excited by it.
When I got with my boyfriend we were fairly sexually active from the start and I enjoyed some of it, although I still found some sex painful (long after losing my virginity) and the only real intense pleasure came from oral. Although I still got excited to have sex with him and would initiate it a lot. However, in the recent months of our relationship my libido has dropped quite a bit. A lot of the time I just can't be bothered to have sex, find it hard to be aroused and I often don't enjoy intercourse too much as I find it painful/uncomfortable at times - I rarely find intercourse actually pleasurable, only a few times I have, mostly when im lying on my front and he is thrusting more slowly. Doggy style is generally too painful for me, although on one or two occasions I have enjoyed it. Similarly when he uses his fingers as foreplay I often find the insertion of them painful and I don't get much enjoyment out of being fingered. I find oral sex on me very pleasurable however and I orgasm every time and I sometimes enjoy (and sometimes *** from) clit stimulation with fingers however. I also sometimes find it too intense and a bit painful if its not done exactly how I like it.
All my friends always talk about how much they love sex, especially positions like doggy style which I usually find painful, and I don't understand why I am not enjoying it as much, especially recently. I feel like I never fantasise about sex, rarely masturbate as I don't ever feel horny, just lost interest in sex in general. I haven't talked to my boyfriend about this as I don't want to upset him, but i really want to enjoy sex with him as I love him very much and am very attracted to him. I'm on the contraceptive pill but I have been for years, long before I started having sex, so that shouldn't really be the cause of this.
TLDR/ I have lost interest in sex recently as i find it hard to enjoy sex - i love my boyfriend but I have never really had much pleasure from actual intercourse and actually find it painful on occasions. Why dont I enjoy it like other girls say they do?
Edited to include paragraphs.
I am a female age 19. I've been sexually active for about 2 years, never really with a regular partner, until I met my boyfriend who i've now been with for a year. My first time was painful and I never really started properly enjoying sex before meeting bf, a lot of my encounters were kind of awkward and not great for me, I never came from sex or foreplay with any of these previous partners and didn't find the sensation of intercourse pleasurable really at all. I have always been very interested in sex and masturbated a lot from a young age and continued to do so when I became sexually active, I fantasised a lot about sex (although not really about anyone I knew), watched porn and was very interested and excited by it.
When I got with my boyfriend we were fairly sexually active from the start and I enjoyed some of it, although I still found some sex painful (long after losing my virginity) and the only real intense pleasure came from oral. Although I still got excited to have sex with him and would initiate it a lot. However, in the recent months of our relationship my libido has dropped quite a bit. A lot of the time I just can't be bothered to have sex, find it hard to be aroused and I often don't enjoy intercourse too much as I find it painful/uncomfortable at times - I rarely find intercourse actually pleasurable, only a few times I have, mostly when im lying on my front and he is thrusting more slowly. Doggy style is generally too painful for me, although on one or two occasions I have enjoyed it. Similarly when he uses his fingers as foreplay I often find the insertion of them painful and I don't get much enjoyment out of being fingered. I find oral sex on me very pleasurable however and I orgasm every time and I sometimes enjoy (and sometimes *** from) clit stimulation with fingers however. I also sometimes find it too intense and a bit painful if its not done exactly how I like it.
All my friends always talk about how much they love sex, especially positions like doggy style which I usually find painful, and I don't understand why I am not enjoying it as much, especially recently. I feel like I never fantasise about sex, rarely masturbate as I don't ever feel horny, just lost interest in sex in general. I haven't talked to my boyfriend about this as I don't want to upset him, but i really want to enjoy sex with him as I love him very much and am very attracted to him. I'm on the contraceptive pill but I have been for years, long before I started having sex, so that shouldn't really be the cause of this.
TLDR/ I have lost interest in sex recently as i find it hard to enjoy sex - i love my boyfriend but I have never really had much pleasure from actual intercourse and actually find it painful on occasions. Why dont I enjoy it like other girls say they do?
Edited to include paragraphs.
(edited 4 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
Maybe your boyfriend just has a weak stroke game or it may not be just about sex. It could be that you don’t have enough affection in your relationship or there could be more than what you’re both receiving. Just talk to him about it, I would want to know if my partner wasn’t feeling pleasured enough so I could make it better. Communication is key.
Whether most girls want to admit it a lot of girls have the same experience you are describing. Some positions are just painful and doggy is one. Watching porn gives an unrealistic view of what sex is like in reality. Most couples don't go at it for an 30 min - 1hr changing positions and keep going.
Women derive pleasure from clitoral stimulation much, much more than the actual act of having sex. Try having oral until you climax and then have your boyfriend enter you in a normal position and see if that is more pleasurable for you.
But, you have to realize that relationships evolve. They all do. You are not going to continue to get all hot and bothered getting excited at the anticipation of having sex with you partner. Sorry it is just a reality. As you become more comfortable in the relationship you tend to be less sex driven - especially women. We start letting life get in the way. We derive pleasure from our boyfriend doing sweet gestures that let us know he's thinking of us etc. That is just normal. So, you either move on to the next partner where it is all exciting all over again or make the decision to stay with your current partner and recognize the nature of your relationship may have changed and come up with ways to enjoy you sexual time with him and not freak out if you're not always 'feeling it'. Be sure to encourage romance because for women that is very important.
There are no easy answers for what you're experiencing but if you have close emotionally connection to your boyfriend that is what is important.
Good Luck!
Women derive pleasure from clitoral stimulation much, much more than the actual act of having sex. Try having oral until you climax and then have your boyfriend enter you in a normal position and see if that is more pleasurable for you.
But, you have to realize that relationships evolve. They all do. You are not going to continue to get all hot and bothered getting excited at the anticipation of having sex with you partner. Sorry it is just a reality. As you become more comfortable in the relationship you tend to be less sex driven - especially women. We start letting life get in the way. We derive pleasure from our boyfriend doing sweet gestures that let us know he's thinking of us etc. That is just normal. So, you either move on to the next partner where it is all exciting all over again or make the decision to stay with your current partner and recognize the nature of your relationship may have changed and come up with ways to enjoy you sexual time with him and not freak out if you're not always 'feeling it'. Be sure to encourage romance because for women that is very important.
There are no easy answers for what you're experiencing but if you have close emotionally connection to your boyfriend that is what is important.
Good Luck!
then just stick to oral sex?
You should probably see a doctor, if most types of stimulation cause you pain there might be something wrong and it’s probably contributed to your lack of sex drive. If you want talk about it to your boyfriend but really go make an appointment and explain all of this to a doctor. Good luck
Original post by NoTearsLeftToCry
then just stick to oral sex?
I doubt any man would agree to this lol
Original post by Anonymous
I doubt any man would agree to this lol
why not? head feels real good for a man
is it weird I got hard from reading this
As a wet virgin, this thread is making me so jealous
You should see a doctor. You say that fingers, ****, everything is painful for you, apart from oral which is on the outside? You should get this checked out because it shouldn't be painful all the time, sex feels good and the vagina gets more used to having a penis once it's been in there a few times after losing your virginity. And you've been sexually active for quite a while!
Original post by NoTearsLeftToCry
then just stick to oral sex?
Original post by NoTearsLeftToCry
why not? head feels real good for a man
The point of my question is I wanna know why I’m not enjoying sex/getting horny because taking sex away would be taking a lot of enjoyment away from my bf.... I don’t want to do that
Original post by alice766549
The point of my question is I wanna know why I’m not enjoying sex/getting horny because taking sex away would be taking a lot of enjoyment away from my bf.... I don’t want to do that
but he can get oral sex? maybe you just don’t enjoy the **** and that’s fine. you can’t force yourself to like it
Original post by alice766549
Note - I talk about sex quite graphically so don't read if this makes you uncomfortableI am a female age 19I've been sexually active for about 2 years, never really with a regular partner, until I met my boyfriend who i've now been with for a year. My first time was painful and I never really started properly enjoying sex before meeting bf, a lot of my encounters were kind of awkward and not great for me, I never came from sex or foreplay with any of these previous partners and didn't find the sensation of intercourse pleasurable really at all. I have always been very interested in sex and masturbated a lot from a young age and continued to do so when I became sexually active, I fantasised a lot about sex (although not really about anyone I knew), watched porn and was very interested and excited by it. When I got with my boyfriend we were fairly sexually active from the start and I enjoyed some of it, although I still found some sex painful (long after losing my virginity) and the only real intense pleasure came from oral. Although I still got excited to have sex with him and would initiate it a lot.However in the recent months of our relationship my libido has dropped quite a bit. A lot of the time I just can't be bothered to have sex, find it hard to be aroused and I often don't enjoy intercourse too much as I find it painful/uncomfortable at times - I rarely find intercourse actually pleasurable, only a few times I have, mostly when im lying on my front and he is thrusting more slowly. Doggy style is generally too painful for me, although on one or two occasions I have enjoyed it. Similarly when he uses his fingers as foreplay I often find the insertation of them painful and I don't get much enjoyment out of being fingered. I find oral sex on me very pleasurable however and I orgasm every time and I sometimes enjoy (and sometimes *** from) clit stimulation with fingers however I also sometimes find it too intense and a bit painful if its not done exactly how I like it. All my friends always talk about how much they love sex, especially positions like doggy style which I usually find painful, and I don't understand why I am not enjoying it as much, especially recently. I feel like I never fantasise about sex, rarely masturbate as I don't ever feel horny, just lost interest in sex in general. I haven't talked to my boyfriend about this as I don't want to upset him, but i really want to enjoy sex with him as I love him very much and am very attracted to him. I'm on the contraceptive pill but I have been for years, long before I started having sex, so that shouldn't really be the cause of this.TLDR/ I have lost interest in sex recently as i find it hard to enjoy sex - i love my boyfriend but I have never really had much pleasure from actual intercourse and actually find it painful on occasions. Why dont I enjoy it like other girls say they do?
Ok. Steady on. Most people run into sexual problems at some time- including your friends. What you have to do first is to stop comparing yourself with other people; what gets them off may not get you off! For example, about 30% of women can have an orgasm from penis penetration alone. The other 70% can't! You sound as though you are just getting to know what your body needs in order to be turned on. Pain actually turns some people on but clearly you don't. It is a major turn off for you and you are not telling your bf about your needs or feelings! These things have resulted in you being turned off sex. Plus you should see a medic about your hormonal levels and other possible physical problems. Meanwhile, you explore suitable sexual variety and tell your bf that you really enjoy certain types of oral sex- teach him what they are! Also tell him about your face down preference as well and exactly how that works for you- and that you don't like pain. He should not be offended when you talk about the needs of your own body! And you don't have to be like everyone else!
Most girls can’t give good head lmaooooooo, too much teeth
Original post by NoTearsLeftToCry
why not? head feels real good for a man
Penetrative sex feels much better. Plus variety is good.
Original post by Anonymous
Most girls can’t give good head lmaooooooo, too much teeth
Probably true because they leave out the slow tease bits and go too fast. You have to teach them otherwise they will think they are milking a cow. lol.
Original post by NoTearsLeftToCry
why not? head feels real good for a man
Because the man also knows the difference between that and penetration and likes both!
Original post by Anonymous
As a wet virgin, this thread is making me so jealous
What is a wet virgin? If you are 18 or over then being a virgin is a choice!
Can we keep replies on the topic to the OP's post, please?
Original post by alice766549
Note - I talk about sex quite graphically so don't read if this makes you uncomfortable.
I am a female age 19. I've been sexually active for about 2 years, never really with a regular partner, until I met my boyfriend who i've now been with for a year. My first time was painful and I never really started properly enjoying sex before meeting bf, a lot of my encounters were kind of awkward and not great for me, I never came from sex or foreplay with any of these previous partners and didn't find the sensation of intercourse pleasurable really at all. I have always been very interested in sex and masturbated a lot from a young age and continued to do so when I became sexually active, I fantasised a lot about sex (although not really about anyone I knew), watched porn and was very interested and excited by it.
When I got with my boyfriend we were fairly sexually active from the start and I enjoyed some of it, although I still found some sex painful (long after losing my virginity) and the only real intense pleasure came from oral. Although I still got excited to have sex with him and would initiate it a lot. However, in the recent months of our relationship my libido has dropped quite a bit. A lot of the time I just can't be bothered to have sex, find it hard to be aroused and I often don't enjoy intercourse too much as I find it painful/uncomfortable at times - I rarely find intercourse actually pleasurable, only a few times I have, mostly when im lying on my front and he is thrusting more slowly. Doggy style is generally too painful for me, although on one or two occasions I have enjoyed it. Similarly when he uses his fingers as foreplay I often find the insertion of them painful and I don't get much enjoyment out of being fingered. I find oral sex on me very pleasurable however and I orgasm every time and I sometimes enjoy (and sometimes *** from) clit stimulation with fingers however. I also sometimes find it too intense and a bit painful if its not done exactly how I like it.
All my friends always talk about how much they love sex, especially positions like doggy style which I usually find painful, and I don't understand why I am not enjoying it as much, especially recently. I feel like I never fantasise about sex, rarely masturbate as I don't ever feel horny, just lost interest in sex in general. I haven't talked to my boyfriend about this as I don't want to upset him, but i really want to enjoy sex with him as I love him very much and am very attracted to him. I'm on the contraceptive pill but I have been for years, long before I started having sex, so that shouldn't really be the cause of this.
TLDR/ I have lost interest in sex recently as i find it hard to enjoy sex - i love my boyfriend but I have never really had much pleasure from actual intercourse and actually find it painful on occasions. Why dont I enjoy it like other girls say they do?
Edited to include paragraphs.
I am a female age 19. I've been sexually active for about 2 years, never really with a regular partner, until I met my boyfriend who i've now been with for a year. My first time was painful and I never really started properly enjoying sex before meeting bf, a lot of my encounters were kind of awkward and not great for me, I never came from sex or foreplay with any of these previous partners and didn't find the sensation of intercourse pleasurable really at all. I have always been very interested in sex and masturbated a lot from a young age and continued to do so when I became sexually active, I fantasised a lot about sex (although not really about anyone I knew), watched porn and was very interested and excited by it.
When I got with my boyfriend we were fairly sexually active from the start and I enjoyed some of it, although I still found some sex painful (long after losing my virginity) and the only real intense pleasure came from oral. Although I still got excited to have sex with him and would initiate it a lot. However, in the recent months of our relationship my libido has dropped quite a bit. A lot of the time I just can't be bothered to have sex, find it hard to be aroused and I often don't enjoy intercourse too much as I find it painful/uncomfortable at times - I rarely find intercourse actually pleasurable, only a few times I have, mostly when im lying on my front and he is thrusting more slowly. Doggy style is generally too painful for me, although on one or two occasions I have enjoyed it. Similarly when he uses his fingers as foreplay I often find the insertion of them painful and I don't get much enjoyment out of being fingered. I find oral sex on me very pleasurable however and I orgasm every time and I sometimes enjoy (and sometimes *** from) clit stimulation with fingers however. I also sometimes find it too intense and a bit painful if its not done exactly how I like it.
All my friends always talk about how much they love sex, especially positions like doggy style which I usually find painful, and I don't understand why I am not enjoying it as much, especially recently. I feel like I never fantasise about sex, rarely masturbate as I don't ever feel horny, just lost interest in sex in general. I haven't talked to my boyfriend about this as I don't want to upset him, but i really want to enjoy sex with him as I love him very much and am very attracted to him. I'm on the contraceptive pill but I have been for years, long before I started having sex, so that shouldn't really be the cause of this.
TLDR/ I have lost interest in sex recently as i find it hard to enjoy sex - i love my boyfriend but I have never really had much pleasure from actual intercourse and actually find it painful on occasions. Why dont I enjoy it like other girls say they do?
Edited to include paragraphs.
Your sexuality will change throughout your life and that's totally okay. Sometimes sex is going to take a backseat to other things in your life and you may lose interest for a while.
However, it sounds like you're continuing to have sex even if it's uncomfortable for you which may be causing you to go into a bit of a loop of not enjoying sex because it sucked last time, and then you don't enjoy sex again because it sucked and on and on and on. It's not helping that you're comparing yourself to others. They don't have your body, your desires or your relationship.
If you are at all uncomfortable, it's time to talk to your GP. They've heard it all before. Bodies are strange things - they may enjoy something sometimes, but not others. The pill can also make changes in the long term that may not be too helpful. You really need to talk to the person that you're having sex with so that he can make changes and help you to feel better about sex. It doesn't need to be done in a hurtful way, it doesn't need to put any blame on him because there's isn't any blame here at all, but you do need to let him know that sex isn't feeling to good right now. He should be able to help you find a way through this, even if it's just spending more time on foreplay and including lube to give your body the best experiences.
Talking is so super important but definitely have a word with your GP too.
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