Need relationship advice

Basically I'm having an insecure/I hate myself day today, and I feel like it partly has to do with a guy. So I really fancy this guy. He's 32 I'm 20, but i'm okay with that and he has pretty much shown he's okay with it to. We flirt, there's obvious physical attraction between us, and we have really good conversations, Ive never had so much in common with a guy before. I got his number and i know he's not a texter but he tells me to text him and that he likes my texts. So we texted a little bit, but I wasnt too concerned cause we get along great irl, but not much was "happening", so i decided to take the plunge and ask him out to a place we both had said we wanted to try out. He looked a bit unsure and said he'll let me know. He never did. I actually didnt see him for two weeks after that and hadnt texted him at all. I took the no, as rude as it was. Then when i saw him again he was a bit awkward at first but I showed him that i wanted to be civil so treated him normal minus the flirting and the texts. Fast forward a week and he knows im going travelling for a few weeks, and he asks me out for coffee as a "goodbye", we went out, he bought me coffee despite him being a bit nervous, it was great, talked for a whole hour before I had to leave. He told me to keep him updated on my travels and to send him pics. So around 4 days into my trip i text him, after not having texted for a month since I asked him out first, asking how he's been, updating him a little on my trip and asking if he uses messenger cause SMS would cost money for pics. He doesnt reply. At this point im pissed. I dont send anything else. A week passes and he texts me, as though he never even read my pervious message asking me how i was and if i was ready for my flight tomorrow. I was like wtf. I reply, and ask him if he saw my previous text. He said yes but couldnt reply straight away and then forgot to. I sent it on 8pm on a Tuesday. I didnt reply to that, just told him i'd eventually send pics when he said yes he was on messenger. Fast forward a few days and i send him the pics, and thus starts possibly the first proper text convo we've ever had, even though he was out at the moment he said. It was around 10pm on a tuesday again, and i dont know it's just ny insecurity but since whenever i ask him how his week's been/if he did anything interesting, he always says nah same old/boring/work, and yet now he's out late both times ive texted him...idk, cause when I ask something specific about his life he will tell me honestly. But anyway, since that text convo, now saturday of the same week, I havent heard anything from him. I dont really understand him, and his 50-50 attitude makes me feel insecure. He's a really nice guy, very genuine. And yet im a very inexperienced girl in relationships (never even been kissed) and im too scared to broach any subjects that might "push him away" or make him think im needy or desperate but he is causing me so much anxiety. And since we're technically not even dating I feel like i CANT broach any subject, and I also havent told him how inexperienced I am, though he might already have assumed. I dont know what to think... :frown:

Reply 1

KBPL3601

Well, not easy... Imo, he is either putting you in the 'friendzone' or just is not ready for something 'serious' between you two, and is stalling/delaying... But just because you're inexperienced, don't let that be a reason why you act differently... if someone is really interested in you, then they'll be interested in the real you... I don't think you should stop yourself from saying certain things etc, because if he likes you, he shouldn't mind..

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by KBPL3601

Yeah I feel like maybe he is unsure if he wants anythinh serious, as he's joked about "not being able to commit to anything" before 🙄 Do you think there is anything I can do to either show him I don't want to be strung along or to not be stupid and let myself appear too available and easy?

Reply 3

corbyn hater

he just wants to shag you

Reply 4

KBPL3601

Original post by Anonymous

The thing is, if he doesn't want to let you get closer to him, there isn't much you can do, otherwise you may seem desperate... Maybe try and take it easy, and see what he'll do about that? :/

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by corbyn hater

he just wants to shag you

Idk, it's been 6 months since we met, if he just wanted a shag I think he wouldve understood by now he wont get it

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by KBPL3601

The thing is, if he doesn't want to let you get closer to him, there isn't much you can do, otherwise you may seem desperate... Maybe try and take it easy, and see what he'll do about that? :/

I kinda feel like he was pretty open about himself when we went for coffee. It FELT like a date, he was asking me stuff about myself and revealing stuff about himself I didn't even ask for. I felt like that coffee date had been a turning point, a "gane changer" if you will. But I just don't know how you can go without texting someone at least once a week (im not saying i want him to text me everyday, not at all!) But little things just to show he cares/thinks of me would be nice...And I know I haven't texted him either, but I don't want to constantly initiate. I'm just confused :frown:

I just wish I could ask what he wants from this/me, but I feel like it would be too forward considering we're not even proper dating

Reply 7

KBPL3601

Original post by Anonymous

I just wish I could ask what he wants from this/me, but I feel like it would be too forward considering we're not even proper dating

I understand.. hmm... The coffee date did sound like a big part of all this, but the weird thing is that his behaviour isn't consistent with the coffee date... complicated... I think whether you're a great or awful texter, if you care about the other person, you'll at least try with those texts, but it seems like he doesn't care or even wants to text with you, especially you mentioning only you initiate :frown:

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by KBPL3601

Yes! I had pretty much given up after he never 'let me know' when I asked him out and was content with just being civil, and then he goes and surprises me by asking ne out for coffee! I mostly intiate, yes. And i've even told him that people not responding to texts or texting me gives me anxiety and sometimes i havent texted him something cause I didnt want to annoy him and he's always like noo go for it! And he likes and remembers my texts, when he doesnt reply he usually brings them up in person, but now Im on holiday and I dont see him in person...I bet he doesnt think of me enough, how can you forget to reply to a text of someone you like :frown:

Reply 9

frenchie lover

hes just not into you

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by frenchie lover

hes just not into you

What do you think I should do then?

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Idk, it's been 6 months since we met, if he just wanted a shag I think he wouldve understood by now he wont get it

Yeah but he hasn't put in effort - as hard as it is to hear, you are clearly on the backburner. If he had been trying for 6 months then fair but he clearly hasn't otherwise you would know about it. Personally I think it is toxic for you and he doesn't care enough so move on... try and find someone else who will show you that this isn't the way forward.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Yes it's definitely toxic for me as the inconsistency causes me so much anxiety :frown:

Thank you for helping me out x

Reply 13

frenchie lover

Original post by Anonymous

What do you think I should do then?

stop talking to him

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by frenchie lover

stop talking to him

A bit hard, as I see him at a volunteer thing I do once a week and he's there all the time :frown:

Reply 15

frenchie lover

Original post by Anonymous

A bit hard, as I see him at a volunteer thing I do once a week and he's there all the time :frown:

its not like you have to interact with him all the time

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

Play it cool - don’t text him - move on

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Play it cool - don’t text him - move on

What if he texts me/talks to me? How do I show that I'm open if he wants something but not to be strung along? I don't want to seem uninterested, but at the same time I don't want to chase after him