Would you ever marry a female surgeon? (I'm south asian)

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Yes I would. Would be nice not being expected to be the only person to earn money for the household.

This is exactly what I said to a Male friend. That it would hurt me to see my husband having to deal with financial stress. I want to help him and we can both work time and half the house duties but he said no it's the mans job! Thanks :smile:

Reply 21

MWills99

I'm not south asian, but I would want a wife with a career, however if she is so busy that she has no time for me then, no I wouldn't marry the surgeon

Reply 22

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Neurosurgery atm :smile:

Amazing! I loved my neurosurgery block! I want to do ent(skull base&head and neck oncology). But considered neuro and plastics too :smile:

hopefully we can live our dreams and men will come with time! Feels alien as there are such few brown surgery girls at my med school

Reply 23

Anonymous #1

Original post by MWills99

I'm not south asian, but I would want a wife with a career, however if she is so busy that she has no time for me then, no I wouldn't marry the surgeon

Yeah I understand that and it goes for any gender otherwise it's like living alone. But surgical training is very busy until you're 35 then I can do easy 9-5 private work and no out of hours so hopefully more manageable, or even go part time

Reply 24

username1876553

There’s probably a male surgeon out here who wants a surgeon wife 🤣

Reply 25

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Oo ent! I’ve heard that ent has a good work life balance compared to all the other surgical specialities

Yes it does 100% and a good mixture of neurology, paediatrics, oncology which I loved. Can do purely medical work when tired of surgery once I get old! So keeping my options open :smile:

Reply 26

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dunya

There’s probably a male surgeon out here who wants a surgeon wife 🤣

😂😂😂 I am a final yr medic so long way to go...who knows maybe I'll be back in 3 yrs to look for the one on tsr😂😂😂😭👀😂 but I agree, surgeons live that unlucky life

Reply 27

username4902282

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks! Hopefully head and neck surgeon coming up and hopefully not single forever!😭😂 that is really encouraging to hear.

That is interesting, what made you decide that speciality? Don't try too hard to find a relationship but don't stand by and just magically expect it to come out of nowhere, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would want a relationship but it may just not be on their mind in this moment of time. Alot of people don't really think much about a relationship until they are interested in someone 😂

Reply 28

username1876553

Original post by Anonymous

😂😂😂 I am a final yr medic so long way to go...who knows maybe I'll be back in 3 yrs to look for the one on tsr😂😂😂😭👀😂 but I agree, surgeons live that unlucky life

I wouldn’t say unlucky at all, so long as you are happy. In’sha’Allah you’ll find the one that is right for you 😊

Reply 29

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

Everyone at med school thinks brown girls want to be housewives but I dont. I want to have a successful surgical career and also a husband and 2 children.
Do south asian men find this unattractive?
I get the feeling they want someone to cook and clean. I keep rejecting south Asian guys that I like back because I know it's better for them to go for a housewife cos even if we are in love they wont be happy deep down.
Is it a turn off for asian men and men in general? Im religious too so would prefer to end up with a religious man but feel they are more likely to prefer a woman who is at home a lot.
I am very kind and passionate. Very smart and talented, would make a great surgeon and friend! If I dont pursue my dreams I am not reaching my potential. I know i could be top in my chosen field and I'm already showing it. I dont want a "normal" life. What do u think?

I'm South Asian and I would love to marry a doctor.

I don't know why, but I think doctors are just smoking hot. I don't know what it is about them. Maybe it's the prestige, the name, the money, the confidence or whatever, but it's just something about them.

I'm not a doctor/med student, I'm a mathematician, but I do have a lot of doctors in my family and I love talking about medicine with them. They're suprised about how much I know despite never formally studying medicine.

Look, never let anyone hold you back. My mother never did anything beyond her GCSEs and she regrets it. This is because her dad never let her. He was backwards.

NEVER EVER LET ANYONE HOLD YOU BACK, and if someone won't accept you because you because of your career then that's their loss.

All the best, future doctor.

Reply 30

Anonymous #1

Original post by ElNiñoo

It is officially ent-head and neck surgery. The only speciality where u are a medical doctor and also the surgeon so patients dont need referral. Best surgical work life balance with very high scope for private work. I want to operate on skull base tumour surgery and cancer of the head and neck. When I'm old nd tired if I dont want to operate I can just do purely medical treatment- cant do that with other surgical fields at all :smile:

I love it.
Thanks that is fantastic advice and i feel better. Yeah i will make an effort to find someone when i feel the need. But I am from a culture where men prefer to work and expect women not to so it can be hard but I have not lost hope! Yeah I hope that is true and when people are looking I'll have more luck :smile:

Reply 31

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Thank your for being so kind and human.
This was beautiful to hear and I needed it. That is exactly my mindset and my mother was in a similar position more so my father ruined her life. I am the first medic in my family and feel privileged that I have been blessed in this life and I would be stupid to let it go.
Doctors are great and so smart! Unfortunately a lot are in it for the wrong reasons and proud but so there is always that. I dont feel confident as I am reserved and shy so even harder for me as I dont fit in at all. But hopefully I can ignore the background noise and do what makes me happy.
THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭!!!!
Ps maths is incredibly cool

Reply 32

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dunya

I wouldn’t say unlucky at all, so long as you are happy. In’sha’Allah you’ll find the one that is right for you 😊

InshaAllah!♥️ thankyou for the kind works u dont know how much it means!

Reply 33

username4878202

Intelligent, independent and driven what part of that combination isn't attractive if men are turning u down because of those qualities its simply because they are intimidated. But there are plenty of people out there that will recognise those aspects for what they are. Don't let the inadequacies of others knock ur confidence what you doing with your life is incredibly admirable.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 34

Anonymous #5

yeah plenty of lazy, workshy pakistani dudes will be lining up to be your husband

make sure you marry a professional though, not some lazy bum who wants to live off his wifes money.

Reply 35

Anonymous #1

Original post by Umair_B_K

Intelligent, independent and driven what part of that combination isn't attractive if men are turning u down because of those qualities its simply because they are intimidated. But there are plenty of people out there that will recognise those qualities for what they are. Don't let the inadequacies of others knock ur confidence what you doing with your life is incredibly admirable.

Thank you, appreciate this 100%. Hard as the asian community always make women out to be baby making machines who clean and take care of in laws. All great but 24 7 no thanks. I hope you're right about all that, just hard finding people who mean it and wont want me to quit my job later on! Thanks again :smile:

Reply 36

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

yeah plenty of lazy, workshy pakistani dudes will be lining up to be your husband

make sure you marry a professional though, not some lazy bum who wants to live off his wifes money.

Yeah I am deffo going to marry a driven man even if he isn't rich. I'm not here to be his mum and will only look after someone because I want to not because I have to cos hes a lazy bum😂lol at ur first line but it is true sadly.

Reply 37

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

too true sadly nowadays

time was men behaved like men and understood what their role was. so many of them are getting shamelessly lazy nowadays and are actually happy to sit back and let their women do all the work. got many of them in my family. although the women are just as much to blame though for going along with it. if my husband turned into a bum after marriage he'd be chucked or i'd give up doing everything as well. for some reason many of the women in my family seem to be ok with doing everything. they must be desperate to keep a man

Reply 38

username4902282

Original post by Anonymous

It seems you have it all figured out 😎 Just do you, focus on yourself first and foremost and you will find someone eventually. There is someone for everyone.

Reply 39

FinalMasquerade

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for this😭 just tired of hearing from my own male friends that I wont get married if pursue surgery. My parents are happy and proud of me but worried that obv in laws will hate it blah blah blah. I just love what I do and for the right reasons but have anxiety from hearing this. I wish more men gave women the confidence to pursue their dreams because I could be the best

Hi Anon,

It sounds rather peculiar of them to be discouraging you. However, you clearly have some aims you wish to achieve in your career field. That should not hinder your marital and family life. Sure, later down the line you may have to make some compromises and sacrifices, but that is par for the course, regardless of career choice. Rather than assuming things will not work out and rejecting people based on other's views, have a serious conversation with the person. Let them know your career ambitions. If they conflict, then you will know where you stand.

All the best with it.