history!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have just finished a mock/revision exam question and have been told that the only way to make it stronger is to link to the question at the end does anyone have any idea how to do that?

this is the question:
write a narrative account of the events of the second cold war between 1975-1985
*SDI
*evil empire speech

and this is what I have so far:

The second cold war started with the collapse of detente under the leadership of president carter why? however the new president Ronald Reagan didn’t plan on putting it together again, because detente had collapsed caused by the Soviets invading Afghanistan in response to a civil war which caused American relations to worsen as it was now officially the end of detente. The American media didn't think the new president Ronald Reagan was suitable to present as he was portrayed as a modern day cowboy, who knew nothing about world affairs and was totally unqualified to be president. Also Reagan stating that he could imagine a ‘limited nuclear war in europe’ worried both French and British commentators (a good focused intro - check some of your details in this paragraph).

As the result (good use of connective) of Ronald Reagan as president and the end of detente,Reagan made an evil empire speech where he made his views about the future of the cold war which happened in 1933? (Hitler had only just come to power in 1933), he stated in his speech that the cold war was a fight between ‘good’ and ‘evil’ and that the usa where fighting with gods blessing against the ‘evil’ USSR that in his opinion was sinful and from hell, him publicly disgracing the USSR worsened tensions as Reagan publicly shaming them shows his views of hatred towards the USSR and their ideology. He also stated that he believed that America had a moral duty to invest in new nuclear weapons to defend against the ‘evil’ of the USSR. This then led (good use of connective) to Reagan’s SDI-(strategic defense initiative- proposed in 1983 and carried out in 1994). Reagan’s SDI was in which he proposed a nuclear umbrella would stop the USSR’s nuclear bomb being able to reach america. His plan was to launch an army of satellites equipped with powerful lasers. Which would intercept the USSR’s missiles in space and destroy them before they did any harm to america. It became known as ‘star wars’. Reagan hoped that this would make the USSR feel their missiles were useless. This is an important turning point in the arms race as through detente the superpowers had been evenly matched but now america has an advantage Good explanation here.

This led to (good use of connective) the USSR realising they could not compete with ’star wars’ as their economy was much weaker and was therefore intimidated by Reagan's actions- they lander on the moon and the space shuttle. The USA was also more advanced in their computer technology as computer where treated with suspicion by the USSR who were afraid they would leak important information and undermine communist power. Consequently tension began to rise as both superpowers had previously agreed to reduce their nuclear warfare (good finish - would be stronger if you linked back to the question).

CAN ANYONE HELP?!

what exam board do you use? this is very different to what I did with AQA.

what exam board do you use? this is very different to what I did with AQA.

Hello ,

I would keep themes and arguments consistent throughout . Eg : everything you write is to prove something . All compiled facts link together to form a larger argument / set of arguments .

But ...
I think my history A-level may be a part of a different exam board to you , therefore my answer may not be entirely helpful . ( sorry )



However , I can recommend :

1) checking the exam boards structure guide for this question ( usually on the website )

2) Do not be afraid to ask your teacher for more help on this question ( even if you need to hand these corrections in and the due date is fast approaching ) .To ask for an explanation of their feedback in an email or after class is not embarrassing and beneficial in the long run .