Gender dysphoria or OCD? I'm scared.
I'm a 16 year old female, who has always felt comfortable as a straight woman and currently likes a boy. Despite this, I have always been slightly tomboyish, raised with brothers, and I live with PCOS which makes me look quite manly.Around 5-6 days ago, I suddenly developed an intense fear of being gay. I am no way homophobic in the slightest, but I've always pictured a future with men. I kept questioning if I looked/sounded/acted gay on a daily basis, and I couldn't eat or sleep properly as a result. After 3-4 hours of sleep, I would wake up shaking and close to a panic attack. Eventually, however, these thoughts left me. Until the very next day.Whilst shopping with my brother and my mother, I suddenly had the thought of "what if you're transgender?" And this started screwing with me. The same nighttime symptoms came back, but worse. Over 3 days I've had about 4 hours of sleep. I feel so alone.
I've stopped enjoying things I used to do, I don't want to leave the house or even hang out with friends anymore. Here's the scariest part.
Everytime I look into the mirror, my brain tells me "you look like a boy". I no longer see femininity in the mirror. I get thoughts like "you sound/act like a boy" or "if you transition it'll all go away" through the day aswell. I cannot focus.
The worst part is that I'm losing interest in feminine things I used to do all the time, such as shaving, makeup and wearing girls'clothes. I've always been a hoodie/sports leggings kind of girl, but now my brain is using this to give me even more doubt. I'm even losing interest in my longish hair which I used to take so much pride in. I feel like i am losing my identity as a woman. I do not feel disgust towards being a male, but i want to remain a female, I want to go back to how I always was.
I've always been a hypochondriac and have experienced sympyoms like this towards health fears as a child, so I'm not sure if this is linked. I've looked up forums for reassurance, and people with similar experiences have mentioned ocd, is this possible? Though every time I'm reassured the thoughts keep coming back.
To conclude, I want to go back to normal. I don't know if you guys could offer me any reassurance, but it'd be extremely appreciated, even if it's temporary like always. I want to be able to function again.
Thank you, and I pray to God to feel well again. x
I've stopped enjoying things I used to do, I don't want to leave the house or even hang out with friends anymore. Here's the scariest part.
Everytime I look into the mirror, my brain tells me "you look like a boy". I no longer see femininity in the mirror. I get thoughts like "you sound/act like a boy" or "if you transition it'll all go away" through the day aswell. I cannot focus.
The worst part is that I'm losing interest in feminine things I used to do all the time, such as shaving, makeup and wearing girls'clothes. I've always been a hoodie/sports leggings kind of girl, but now my brain is using this to give me even more doubt. I'm even losing interest in my longish hair which I used to take so much pride in. I feel like i am losing my identity as a woman. I do not feel disgust towards being a male, but i want to remain a female, I want to go back to how I always was.
I've always been a hypochondriac and have experienced sympyoms like this towards health fears as a child, so I'm not sure if this is linked. I've looked up forums for reassurance, and people with similar experiences have mentioned ocd, is this possible? Though every time I'm reassured the thoughts keep coming back.
To conclude, I want to go back to normal. I don't know if you guys could offer me any reassurance, but it'd be extremely appreciated, even if it's temporary like always. I want to be able to function again.
Thank you, and I pray to God to feel well again. x
Original post by rjckk
You like a boy? Does he like you?
No, we're friends i think
