Is my boyfriend right? Help please. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So my boyfriends getting a house and obviously he invited me to live with him because we have always wanted to live together. But the thing is..
he wants his best mate to move in as well. A mate he always hangs out with. My boyfriend is saying I'm being crazy and unreasonable for not wanting his friend to move in, I like a lot of privacy and I like to be with my boyfriend alone in our own place.

So obviously we have different views and neither of us is wrong. So I said "it's okay but then I'd get my own apartment and live on my own so you can live with your mate" because I dont mind not living together. (I'm very much an introvert) But he calls me weird and that if someone listened to what I just said theyd find me unreasonable and find him the person in the right.

Am I wrong? Should I just accept his ways or go my own path of what fits my lifestyle? We are both in our early twenties.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my boyfriends getting a house and obviously he invited me to live with him because we have always wanted to live together. But the thing is..
he wants his best mate to move in as well. A mate he always hangs out with. My boyfriend is saying I'm being crazy and unreasonable for not wanting his friend to move in, I like a lot of privacy and I like to be with my boyfriend alone in our own place.

So obviously we have different views and neither of us is wrong. So I said "it's okay but then I'd get my own apartment and live on my own so you can live with your mate" because I dont mind not living together. (I'm very much an introvert) But he calls me weird and that if someone listened to what I just said theyd find me unreasonable and find him the person in the right.

Am I wrong? Should I just accept his ways or go my own path of what fits my lifestyle? We are both in our early twenties.
I would not be happy with that arrangement.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
I would not be happy with that arrangement.
Mine or my boyfriends?
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Anonymous #2
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Listen you know yourself, you dont need validation from other,s its not crazy. You are right for yourself.
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Neilos
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No, I think your response is perfectly normal. It'd be far, far more weird if you'd thought it was a good idea.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Mine or my boyfriends?
Yours of course
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THALCEDONY
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my boyfriends getting a house and obviously he invited me to live with him because we have always wanted to live together. But the thing is..
he wants his best mate to move in as well. A mate he always hangs out with. My boyfriend is saying I'm being crazy and unreasonable for not wanting his friend to move in, I like a lot of privacy and I like to be with my boyfriend alone in our own place.

So obviously we have different views and neither of us is wrong. So I said "it's okay but then I'd get my own apartment and live on my own so you can live with your mate" because I dont mind not living together. (I'm very much an introvert) But he calls me weird and that if someone listened to what I just said theyd find me unreasonable and find him the person in the right.

Am I wrong? Should I just accept his ways or go my own path of what fits my lifestyle? We are both in our early twenties.
No, you're right. I wouldn't want my best mate to move in with me and my girlfriend.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
Yours of course
So I should just live in a way I dont want? So I'm being selfish for not just coping with how my boyfriend wants it? Hmm I'm just trying to get some views here maybe that will make me change my mind. I dont want to be selfish.
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helpmewithschool
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my boyfriends getting a house and obviously he invited me to live with him because we have always wanted to live together. But the thing is..
he wants his best mate to move in as well. A mate he always hangs out with. My boyfriend is saying I'm being crazy and unreasonable for not wanting his friend to move in, I like a lot of privacy and I like to be with my boyfriend alone in our own place.

So obviously we have different views and neither of us is wrong. So I said "it's okay but then I'd get my own apartment and live on my own so you can live with your mate" because I dont mind not living together. (I'm very much an introvert) But he calls me weird and that if someone listened to what I just said theyd find me unreasonable and find him the person in the right.

Am I wrong? Should I just accept his ways or go my own path of what fits my lifestyle? We are both in our early twenties.
Are you joking ? There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to move in with just your boyfriend. The next big stage of your relationship (I assume) is to move in with EACH OTHER, not his friend. Your relationship doesn’t include his friend and if you move in with your boyfriend and his friend then your time with your boyfriend will be damaged and lost. You want to spend quality time together and I imagine you both like some privacy so having another person in your household would ruin your time together. You are not crazy or wrong, I promise! I wouldn’t move in but you should speak with your boyfriend and say you really don’t want to have the friend move in as you want time together. Hope this helped !
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I should just live in a way I dont want? So I'm being selfish for not just coping with how my boyfriend wants it? Hmm I'm just trying to get some views here maybe that will make me change my mind. I dont want to be selfish.
No, you've misunderstood - your boyfriend should not be asking a friend to move in with you two.

There's an old saying - two's company. three's a crowd
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MorbidThumbs
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my boyfriends getting a house and obviously he invited me to live with him because we have always wanted to live together. But the thing is..
he wants his best mate to move in as well. A mate he always hangs out with. My boyfriend is saying I'm being crazy and unreasonable for not wanting his friend to move in, I like a lot of privacy and I like to be with my boyfriend alone in our own place.

So obviously we have different views and neither of us is wrong. So I said "it's okay but then I'd get my own apartment and live on my own so you can live with your mate" because I dont mind not living together. (I'm very much an introvert) But he calls me weird and that if someone listened to what I just said theyd find me unreasonable and find him the person in the right.

Am I wrong? Should I just accept his ways or go my own path of what fits my lifestyle? We are both in our early twenties.
Someone just called it weird for your boyfriend to want this arrangement - it's definitely NOT weird, but I understand where you are coming from and I think you are marginally in the right. You are both young (im guessing the same age) - which means you are most likely more mature, and it shows. He wants to have good times with his friend(s) but also wants you there as well. Just explain to him that you wanted to move into a house with him, and solely him. Explain that there will be little to no boundaries and time for it just to be romantic and be the both of you, but don't make it an ultimatum - be mature about it and say "fine - I will stay at my parents house" or "fine - I will get a house/flat with a friend too" and see what he says.

If he gets the house with his friend it will be a massive bummer for you and I know it will cause arguements between the two of you, but it most definitely does not mean the end of the relationship, especially if it's a long term one.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by helpmewithschool)
Are you joking ? There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to move in with just your boyfriend. The next big stage of your relationship (I assume) is to move in with EACH OTHER, not his friend. Your relationship doesn’t include his friend and if you move in with your boyfriend and his friend then your time with your boyfriend will be damaged and lost. You want to spend quality time together and I imagine you both like some privacy so having another person in your household would ruin your time together. You are not crazy or wrong, I promise! I wouldn’t move in but you should speak with your boyfriend and say you really don’t want to have the friend move in as you want time together. Hope this helped !
Thanks! Sometimes he makes me feel dumb because he always says "if people were to listen to us theyd chose my side and not yours because you're being stupid" hahaha. But he says "so youd much rather leave me then than just cope with it"? My answer was yes, because we have different views and it's okay. You do you and I do me. But he doesnt care and when we spoke about this he says "you're making it such a big deal, I dont wanna talk about it anymore
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helpmewithschool
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks! Sometimes he makes me feel dumb because he always says "if people were to listen to us theyd chose my side and not yours because you're being stupid" hahaha. But he says "so youd much rather leave me then than just cope with it"? My answer was yes, because we have different views and it's okay. You do you and I do me. But he doesnt care and when we spoke about this he says "you're making it such a big deal, I dont wanna talk about it anymore
Honestly your doing nothing wrong and your completely right and if your really upset about it then leave him because if he’s not treating you right and making you feel little you should leave. Because your better than that and deserve better
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Quick-use
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What on earth is wrong with your boyfriend... This is definitely not normal. :lol: Seriously, I know a lot of people and I've lived in a handful of countries and what you're boyfriend is proposing is bizarre.

Are you sure there's not something more between him and his friend...? I know you might think it's silly and instinctively brush it off, but really consider it. There's clearly something amiss here.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Quick-use)
What on earth is wrong with your boyfriend... This is definitely not normal. :lol: Seriously, I know a lot of people and I've lived in a handful of countries and what you're boyfriend is proposing is bizarre.

Are you sure there's not something more between him and his friend...? I know you might think it's silly and instinctively brush it off, but really consider it. There's clearly something amiss here.
Honestly I've thought about that a lot lol. I've even asked him...I definitely feel like the other woman!
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Anonymous #3
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He’s the one who is crazy.
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Isabelpayne200
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The boyfriends definitely in the wrong
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StriderHort
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#18
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Meh, it's not crazy to try and move your pal in as well, but not generally done, when a couple decide to move in TOGETHER it implies just them.

I;ve been in shared flats where someone tries to move their partner in, and it always ends in weird boundaries and an us v them situation.

If he's at a point in life where he'd be more comfortable sharing with a buddy rather than settling down with you that's fair, but he can't realistically have both.
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angnonymous
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I think you are right, he should respect your opinion and not call it crazy. I think I could understand if you, him and his friend were friends before you got together and so you would be fine with living all together or if you were younger and therefore it would be less of a commitment to go live together (even with the financial expenses being split in three). But I think that if the idea was to go live together like you said you had previously talked about than you are right that you think it should be just the two of you.
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barnetlad
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He is unaware of what I have been told are the first two rules of a relationship (well a non-same sex one).

1. A woman is always right.
2. If in doubt, refer to rule number 1.

Rule 3 is no more than two sugars in tea or coffee.(!)
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