does uni actually get better?

So, as far as unis go, I think I've been pretty lucky. I got the accommodation I wanted with lovely flatmates. This is more a personal issue I guess.

I'm missing home so bad. I've cried every day, usually multiple times to the point of sobbing. Aside from that I've got ocd, anxiety, germaphobia and emetophobia. My flatmates host pre drinks, the flat gets trashed. I wake up first and end up cleaning it up.

I feel like such a baby but I'm going home this weekend to see my parents. I'm just really struggling so much. I just need to know that it's going to get better.⁰

Reply 1

teasterford

hi pivotalmoment

I completely understand how you feel, I lived at home for my first 2 years of uni and now live with some friends (although I may have to go back home). I missed my family a lot, one thing that helps is I always try and text my family everyday just to see how they are or to tell them how I've been. This contact really helps with missing them, I feel some days I really miss them and some days I don't, overtime the days I don't miss them as much definitely get more common, but you'll always get that odd day every now and then, but that is completely normal, of course you will miss your parents now and the you obviously car about them!

In terms of cleaning, its obviously really awkward with flatmates in terms of asking them to tidy more or be more respectful, but maybe just a talk with them may help, just to let them know that you really hate mess and just to ask them to try not to make it so messy, or even to tidy it up so you don't have too.

Im sorry I couldn't be more help, but yes in my experience over time it will get easier!

I wish you all the best, remember your not alone and it will be ok!

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Reply 2

De Montfort University

Official Rep

Hello,
This is Jon Ellison. I'm a Master's student. I analysed your message. I can understand how you feel. It's very common to be homesick considering the distance you're living from your family.
I know I don't have accommodation at DMU myself, but when I did my undergraduate degree at Northampton, I lived in rented accommodation. I knew it was going to be unpredictable living there and one doesn't know which students one will be living with at first.
Relating to what teasterford said, it's best that you have a word with your housemates. Don't be afraid to tell them exactly how you feel. But I'm sure uni will get better for you. Your housemates may eventually start to mature. I hope this helps.

Reply 3

pivotalmoment

Original post by teasterford

Thank you for responding!

You're right. I've been video calling my family once every day and its helped a lot. I'm still not quite there yet and I'm still struggling with my flatmates but I've made various friends and things will hopefully get better in the weeks to come.

I went home the first weekend, I thought I needed it. This time I'm staying for two weeks and the time after that hopefully for three weeks. I'm trying to build myself up.

Also!! I'm going to a homesickness management session thanks to my wellbeing centre tomorrow.

Again, thank you so much for responding it really means a lot.

Reply 4

Armzy

Firstly, you don't sound like a baby, it's completely understandable. I definitely agree with saying something about the mess. If you feel that you're struggling I recommend speaking to a counselor about coping with you're fears at university.
Wishing you the best and I hope it gets better :wink:

Reply 5

SpacePatroFan189

I can completely identify with the part about the pre-drinking sessions. I'm not saying my flatmates are horrible but it's not a nice environment to eat breakfast in, and they can make an awful lot of noise at night (I'm usually still awake but that's not the point). :frown:

Reply 6

pivotalmoment

Original post by SpacePatroFan189

omg literally tho!! thankfully, I've got a handle on myself and out of sheer spite I refuse to clean their mess. Still with the state of the kitchen I hate eating my breakfast in there. The noise at night thing isn't so bad in theory but it does make me jump sometimes. So glad to hear someone feels the same

Reply 7

DrSocSciences

It gets better, step by step, as you gradually familiarise yourself with your new environment, new systems, processes and networks. Learning to cope with this adjustment is a key part of maturing, and it will equip you for other challenges in life. There’ll be plenty of fun and friendship in due course.

Reply 8

marple

Original post by pivotalmoment

Hi
Don't be hard on yourself, adjusting to a new environment is difficult but is a useful life skill and you seem to be doing it well. People have different standards of tidiness based on their preferences and background and you seem to coping well with people who have different standards to your own.
The fact that you like your flatmates despite these issues is a good thing - focus on the positives of these new people and try to ignore the negatives. I can guarantee that for at least some of them the desire to fit in/find their place is part of the issue. You will not be the only one in your flat struggling to cope with the new environment. Things will settle down as you all get used to each other and living away from home.

Wishing you all the best
xxx

Reply 9

kuponut

It gets better - the flatmates partying tends to calm down as deadlines begin to bite (I'm new at DMU but oooold and there's been bog all to do really for distraction this last week... now I've seen this week's timetable I am NOT going to be sat idle fretting!)

There are a fair few people I know of who've had various wobbles last week - hell I'm a totally ancient grown up with a family and a mortgage and all that stuff and I was wanting to drop out on about Thursday! Not because of annoying flatmates but other stuff - and I know I wasn't the only one.

Keep the lines of communication open with both your course leaders and the support people - I've contacted disability support to flag up I have anxiety problems already as well just in advance of any issues arising.