Messiah the 'Master Chef' Attempts A Uni
M'ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
Some of you have seen me post, probably. I'm in my 3rd of 4 years at the Uni of Glasgow. It's alright. I'd give it an 8/10. Studying philosophy and religious studies, which is both on brand for the username and of interest to about 4 people on the entire planet. My plans for what I do with that degree after uni include being alive and not being dead.
I set myself goals for this year. I've set goals before, sometimes they work out. This place in theory lets me stay a c c o u n t a b l e to other people (assuming somebody reads this piece of garbage) so I'm more likely to succeed in them. There's a few of them:
1) Eat healthier
2) Exercise more
3) Lose a lil weight
4) Don't fail any modules
5) Get into some societies n make moar friends
I'll post about all of them at points, but Imma focus primarily on 1 and 3 here: this is primarily a healthy meal cooking blog.
I pride myself on being actually able to cook, but I'm lazy as hell and forget to go to the shops a lot, as well as not washing up half my cooking stuff for ages. When I do shop, man goes cheap. I also tend not to read recipes at all. This leads to questionable, but edible choices, designed to work with my overall cba attitude to uh... everything.
In short, I'm sharing with you cursed af healthy meals that you can make on the cheap and that taste good but will absolutely make people question your sensibilities and make Gordon Ramsey cry. If that's of interest... like and subscribe?
This is mostly a way to force me to get my waist back below 37 inches lest heart disease yeet on me. It's currently 38. Which makes me look v weird proportionally cause every other part of my body is built like a strand of spaghetti
When I make smth weird/cool/fancy/edible I'll post it here complete with ingredients, some dodgy looking nutrition stats (I am not reading labels for y'all, I have a life) and prices ripped from the website of wherever I bought the ingredients from.
Anyway, that's me for this post. Here's a meal I conjured last night that requires NO PLATES, NO EFFORT, just a baking tray and the ability to chop things. This isn't 'proper cooking' but it's insight into how I come up with a new culinary masterpiece (or not):
EDIT: This began as a wholehearted attempt to make healthy food, however as I battle the highways and byways of uni life and the stress it entails, this does become somewhat of a more general food blog.
Also the bacon sandwich with bbq sauce recipe doesn't seem to display images now. I'm not sure why, but I'm not going to fix it.
Some of you have seen me post, probably. I'm in my 3rd of 4 years at the Uni of Glasgow. It's alright. I'd give it an 8/10. Studying philosophy and religious studies, which is both on brand for the username and of interest to about 4 people on the entire planet. My plans for what I do with that degree after uni include being alive and not being dead.
I set myself goals for this year. I've set goals before, sometimes they work out. This place in theory lets me stay a c c o u n t a b l e to other people (assuming somebody reads this piece of garbage) so I'm more likely to succeed in them. There's a few of them:
1) Eat healthier
2) Exercise more
3) Lose a lil weight
4) Don't fail any modules
5) Get into some societies n make moar friends
I'll post about all of them at points, but Imma focus primarily on 1 and 3 here: this is primarily a healthy meal cooking blog.
I pride myself on being actually able to cook, but I'm lazy as hell and forget to go to the shops a lot, as well as not washing up half my cooking stuff for ages. When I do shop, man goes cheap. I also tend not to read recipes at all. This leads to questionable, but edible choices, designed to work with my overall cba attitude to uh... everything.
In short, I'm sharing with you cursed af healthy meals that you can make on the cheap and that taste good but will absolutely make people question your sensibilities and make Gordon Ramsey cry. If that's of interest... like and subscribe?
This is mostly a way to force me to get my waist back below 37 inches lest heart disease yeet on me. It's currently 38. Which makes me look v weird proportionally cause every other part of my body is built like a strand of spaghetti
When I make smth weird/cool/fancy/edible I'll post it here complete with ingredients, some dodgy looking nutrition stats (I am not reading labels for y'all, I have a life) and prices ripped from the website of wherever I bought the ingredients from.
Anyway, that's me for this post. Here's a meal I conjured last night that requires NO PLATES, NO EFFORT, just a baking tray and the ability to chop things. This isn't 'proper cooking' but it's insight into how I come up with a new culinary masterpiece (or not):
Spoiler
EDIT: This began as a wholehearted attempt to make healthy food, however as I battle the highways and byways of uni life and the stress it entails, this does become somewhat of a more general food blog.
Also the bacon sandwich with bbq sauce recipe doesn't seem to display images now. I'm not sure why, but I'm not going to fix it.
(edited 4 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
Cottage cheese sounds like a wrong addition. It isn't. This would be so ****ing dry and bland and unfilling otherwise, you have no idea.
Nope it still sounds wrong
ps watching
(edited 4 years ago)
Original post by Puddles the Monkey
Nope it still sounds wrong
ps watching
ps watching
I did get mixed reactions from my flatmates. But trust fam, keeps it light n f r e s h.
Original post by Sinnoh
Bahahaha I'll be watching this. I wonder how long it'll take for me to give up on making an effort
I imagine I'm eventually gonna hit a point where I'm just telling people that I made a packet of crisps.
Today’s offering: the weirdest mound of a salad ever conceived
This isn’t a recipe its just an absolute ****ing unit that my body wasn’t prepared for. I am going to have the largest bowel movement ever recorded tomorrow, and then die instantly.
also there’s halloumi fries on there. I bought them from Tesco. the diet has slipped this eve.
This isn’t a recipe its just an absolute ****ing unit that my body wasn’t prepared for. I am going to have the largest bowel movement ever recorded tomorrow, and then die instantly.
also there’s halloumi fries on there. I bought them from Tesco. the diet has slipped this eve.
Original post by Retired_Messiah
Today’s offering: the weirdest mound of a salad ever conceived
This isn’t a recipe its just an absolute ****ing unit that my body wasn’t prepared for. I am going to have the largest bowel movement ever recorded tomorrow, and then die instantly.
also there’s halloumi fries on there. I bought them from Tesco. the diet has slipped this eve.
This isn’t a recipe its just an absolute ****ing unit that my body wasn’t prepared for. I am going to have the largest bowel movement ever recorded tomorrow, and then die instantly.
also there’s halloumi fries on there. I bought them from Tesco. the diet has slipped this eve.
I really need for this to have artsy/instagram style food photography like this: https://expertphotography.com/food-photography-backgrounds/
Original post by Puddles the Monkey
I really need for this to have artsy/instagram style food photography like this: https://expertphotography.com/food-photography-backgrounds/
now where the heck am I gonna get a ceramic flooring tile from
Original post by Retired_Messiah
now where the heck am I gonna get a ceramic flooring tile from
There's gotta be one lying around somewhere in Glasgow?
It is snack time my dudes
Original post by Retired_Messiah
It is snack time my dudes
It is snack time my dudes
In the future I am going to tweet this to Gordon ramsey and see what he says
Hit a snag in the routine - my thursdays are straight up gone.
I joined a society, so the evening on Thursdays is gone from about 6:30pm onwards in favour of cool events n stuff, but I'm also in uni from 10am till 5pm. By the time I'm home it's 5:30pm, so for dinner I've got about an hour window. But then I also have to do other stuff. As well we all know, adult life is a constant defence against a never-ending assault of laundry, and the tide must be stemmed sometimes. There's also, yknow, actual work to do, and ur man also wants to change before he heads out on the town.
In an experiment on how to get a meal right quick to fit with this problem, I made a riff on the first recipe. The main differences are thus:
-Only fresh vegetable is yellow pepper (I ran out of everything). You can buy a yellow pepper for 43p. Multipacks of peppers are variable, one I got was a quid for 3.
-instead of fish fingers we've got ourselves some tesco basics frozen white fish (it says pollock on the ingredients list but the branding is nondescript "white fish" which doesn't sound nice at all.) which we have cooked in the oven and shredded up. Think the bag was £2.85, you get about 5 good sized fillets.
-No cottage cheese present. We instead used tesco's own sugarfree beans. (£1 for a pack of 4, so 25p per can)
The wholemeal wrap makes a return tho. Don't worry, I only have one of those left so soon I'll be forced to actually think about a meal that can go on a plate.
The end result was an abomination.
I joined a society, so the evening on Thursdays is gone from about 6:30pm onwards in favour of cool events n stuff, but I'm also in uni from 10am till 5pm. By the time I'm home it's 5:30pm, so for dinner I've got about an hour window. But then I also have to do other stuff. As well we all know, adult life is a constant defence against a never-ending assault of laundry, and the tide must be stemmed sometimes. There's also, yknow, actual work to do, and ur man also wants to change before he heads out on the town.
In an experiment on how to get a meal right quick to fit with this problem, I made a riff on the first recipe. The main differences are thus:
-Only fresh vegetable is yellow pepper (I ran out of everything). You can buy a yellow pepper for 43p. Multipacks of peppers are variable, one I got was a quid for 3.
-instead of fish fingers we've got ourselves some tesco basics frozen white fish (it says pollock on the ingredients list but the branding is nondescript "white fish" which doesn't sound nice at all.) which we have cooked in the oven and shredded up. Think the bag was £2.85, you get about 5 good sized fillets.
-No cottage cheese present. We instead used tesco's own sugarfree beans. (£1 for a pack of 4, so 25p per can)
The wholemeal wrap makes a return tho. Don't worry, I only have one of those left so soon I'll be forced to actually think about a meal that can go on a plate.
The end result was an abomination.
Spoiler
Sad one tonight lads.
Fs in the chat.
Don't worry though: Through the grief I cooked some actual food tonight. I'm gonna tell you how I keep chicken breast good and moist, so you can always ensure a good solid chicken based meal. I'll also show some photos of wot I ate cause the salad looked quite aesthetic.
Hopefully I have now atoned for my sins with the fish n bean wrap.
Fs in the chat.
Don't worry though: Through the grief I cooked some actual food tonight. I'm gonna tell you how I keep chicken breast good and moist, so you can always ensure a good solid chicken based meal. I'll also show some photos of wot I ate cause the salad looked quite aesthetic.
Spoiler
Hopefully I have now atoned for my sins with the fish n bean wrap.
Original post by Retired_Messiah
Sad one tonight lads.
Fs in the chat.
Don't worry though: Through the grief I cooked some actual food tonight. I'm gonna tell you how I keep chicken breast good and moist, so you can always ensure a good solid chicken based meal. I'll also show some photos of wot I ate cause the salad looked quite aesthetic.
Hopefully I have now atoned for my sins with the fish n bean wrap.
Fs in the chat.
Don't worry though: Through the grief I cooked some actual food tonight. I'm gonna tell you how I keep chicken breast good and moist, so you can always ensure a good solid chicken based meal. I'll also show some photos of wot I ate cause the salad looked quite aesthetic.
Spoiler
Hopefully I have now atoned for my sins with the fish n bean wrap.
This actually looks nice and potato waffles are the best
ps. do you know about expand tags? They work like spoilers but you can give them a title like this [noparse]
Bean abomination review
Which would look like this:
Bean abomination review
Original post by Puddles the Monkey
This actually looks nice and potato waffles are the best
ps. do you know about expand tags? They work like spoilers but you can give them a title like this
[noparse][/noparse]
Which would look like this:
ps. do you know about expand tags? They work like spoilers but you can give them a title like this
[noparse]
Bean abomination review
Which would look like this:
Bean abomination review
I did not know about these. You have changed my life for the better.
Had a house party last night, effectively consumed an entire bottle of gin. Today we ain't feelin good, so we ain't eating good. Here's a recipe pioneered by gin-drunk me at 4:20am this morning (no that is not a joke), now made again on the same day, deployed to be a hangover cure.
Bacon Sandwich that makes your soul achieve intense spiritual heights like those described by Hildegard of Bingen when she talks about the umbra viventis lucis
Original post by Retired_Messiah
Had a house party last night, effectively consumed an entire bottle of gin. Today we ain't feelin good, so we ain't eating good. Here's a recipe pioneered by gin-drunk me at 4:20am this morning (no that is not a joke), now made again on the same day, deployed to be a hangover cure.
Bacon Sandwich that makes your soul achieve intense spiritual heights like those described by Hildegard of Bingen when she talks about the umbra viventis lucis
Hilarious as always, thank you for the laugh!
Original post by Puddles the Monkey
In the future I am going to tweet this to Gordon ramsey and see what he says
It's taken me a week but I've finally repped enough other people to rep this damn post. Gordon needs to be schooled on what real food is. Beef wellington recipes are all well and good fam but I can't afford that my dude. Also where tf am I meant to be keepin fresh herbs in this economy
Original post by Michiyo
Hilarious as always, thank you for the laugh!
Hilarious as always, thank you for the laugh!
I'm glad this mess is a blessing for you and not a curse like it is for the mainstream food industry.
To make sure this post is an actual post and not just me buttering people up I'd like to inform everybody that I'm flirting with the idea of learning how to make my own scotch pies soon, cause the cold shop bought ones from tesco make me poo a lot. If I do, I'll show u the process. If I don't... I'll post something else. Presumably.
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