I recently got into a relationship and also found out my bestfriend likes me! Watch

ONElexi
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So let me start from the beginning: (THIS IS SO LONG SORRY)
Me(f/18) and my bestfriend (m/18) have been close for 3 years now. We have always had a very flirty relationship which includes alot of sexual jokes and just flirtatious comments. This was normal for us and I never thought he would ever like me in that way! He had a girlfriend for 6 months that broke up with him in June (She would hate mine and his relationship).
I met my current boyfriend through friends (started talking to him in July) and my bestfriend also knows my bf. Me and him would also talk and I knew he liked me because my friends would tell me (at that time I didn't know how I felt.)
Me and my bestfriend continued normally so constant flirting basically. Then in August, we go out (only us 2 but thats also normal). We go out to eat and then an arcade. Then on the way home...we kiss. I didn't expect it at all but also didn't think of it much. Then everytime I would see him, he would hold my hand or kiss me and stuff. Still during this time I was talking to my current boyfriend (he wasn't my boyfriend back then). Me and my bestfriend also hadn't put a label on what we were doing so I just took it as us two having fun and it was a little secret between us two (little did I know he had told all our friends about his feelings for me). My bestfriend would still talk to other girls which hurt because at that point I liked him too (Cant blame him for talking to other girls as I was talking to my now bf)
Beginning of september, my boyfriend asks me out on a date while I was still messing around with my bestfriend. I told my bestfriend about how I got asked out and I thought he seemed happy for me. The day before my date, my bestfriend confessed his feelings for me however he didn't let me say anything back because he wanted me to properly think about it. That day I tried cancelling the date I was meant to go on the next day but my bf told me to give him a chance. And so I did.
I had alot of fun on the date and we kissed however there was a point where my date told me he knew about me and my bestfriend and he asked me how I felt about him and everything. I told him I couldnt answer his questions rn.
Me and my bf kept seeing each other and me and my bestfriend never spoke about his feelings for me and just continued normal.
This whole situation stopped my bf and I from progressing but I knew I liked this boy but always had my bestfriend on my mind as he had stopped talking to me.
At this stage me and my boyfriend made it official.
Then one night my bestfriend called me and told me he cant keep talking to me because his feelings were too strong for us to just be friends. We both just kept crying because I knew how he felt about me but I had started to like another guy. It hurt because I was either gonna lose a guy that I saw alot of potential in or my bestfriend for who I hadn't figured out how I felt about. My bestfriend would try to push me away but then would call me everytime he missed me and it was becoming exhausting for me because one night I would be crying cos I had just lost a best friend and the next I would be soo happy cos I was talking to him again.
Also I should add throughout this, me and my boyfriend kept arguing and fighting because he was mad that I wouldn't tell my bestfriend that I was with him(only reason i didnt was because I didnt want to hurt him) and I would be getting mad cos i thought he just didnt wanna understand my reasons.
It got to a stage where they both wanted me to choose and I couldn't so I started to push both of them away. They didn't let me as they kept blowing my phone up and turned up at my house ("Im not giving up on you" they both told me)
So then I started to talk to them again. Oh forgot to mention that before I pushed them away, I got into another argument with my bf because he had called my bestfriend and told him about us without talking to me first.
Now my bestfriend has isolated himself from everyone and Im worried about him alot. He sometimes calls me at night when he misses me and thats our only form of contact.
My bf doesn't like that and he still gets mad at me for answering my bestfriends call. Hes told me he doesn't ever want me and bestfriend hanging out without him there even when my bestfriend does move on.
I have noticed my bf is quite possessive or protective? He has my passwords to all of my social media accounts and gets annoyed every time I message one of my guy friends and doesn't let me see any of them.
I should also add my bestfriend told me that the reason he didn't make things official with us the first time we kissed was because he moved out for uni so distance will be an issue and he didn't wanna put me in that position.
The situation now is that I really miss talking to my bestfriend and I wish I could talk to him without my bf getting angry. im scared im going to lose my bf so I really don't know what to do. I want them both in my life. It would be nice to hear what everyone thinks about this whole situation and what I should do.
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Paul1990s
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Wow this is like the relationships equivalent of 1st-world problems
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Paul1990s
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As far as relationships are concerned you're an A lister...think of some people who aren't.
It's great that at least two people want you sexually but perhaps you can just focus on just friendship with one of them.
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AzureCeleste
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Wow....right
I understand why your boyfriend is being as he is, but I think based on that alone and the way he is acting so early on, your relationship will not work out with him at all
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ONElexi
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(Original post by AzureCeleste)
Wow....right
I understand why your boyfriend is being as he is, but I think based on that alone and the way he is acting so early on, your relationship will not work out with him at all
Why do you say that
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ONElexi
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(Original post by Paul1990s)
As far as relationships are concerned you're an A lister...think of some people who aren't.
It's great that at least two people want you sexually but perhaps you can just focus on just friendship with one of them.
Yeah I know I want to just be friends with my bestfriend right now however hes told me he doesnt want that but he also cant stop talking to me so its very confusing
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AzureCeleste
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(Original post by ONElexi)
Why do you say that
Why the relationship won't work? Because there are very clear and obvious trust issues which have developed because of how you acted
If your boyfriend can't move on from them then this won't work and he will just seem possessive constantly
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ONElexi
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(Original post by AzureCeleste)
Why the relationship won't work? Because there are very clear and obvious trust issues which have developed because of how you acted
If your boyfriend can't move on from them then this won't work and he will just seem possessive constantly
Ive been told this by other people too...especially when my guy friends try speaking to me and he goes on my account to get rude to them. My guy friends have called me to tell me about this and how they really think he has trust issues...Am I losing my bestfriend for nothing
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AzureCeleste
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(Original post by ONElexi)
Ive been told this by other people too...especially when my guy friends try speaking to me and he goes on my account to get rude to them. My guy friends have called me to tell me about this and how they really think he has trust issues...Am I losing my bestfriend for nothing
Yes tbh you are
But if he can't cope with just being friends with you, then will your friendship work out?
He needs to think about that as well
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ONElexi
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(Original post by AzureCeleste)
Yes tbh you are
But if he can't cope with just being friends with you, then will your friendship work out?
He needs to think about that as well
Thank you for your input I really do appreciate it. I just love both of them alot
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sinfonietta
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Your relationship with your boyfriend is unhealthy and he clearly doesn't trust you. It's not going to last. Don't sacrifice your best friend for this guy.
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xozxexo
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I've been in a similar situation and it lasted for over a year. From the way your boyfriend is acting currently, I can't see things working out in the long run. Girl please don't let him have your social media passwords! That's overstepping boundaries!! He clearly doesn't have very much trust and is being very possessive.

Speak to your best friend and try to talk it out with him, understand if he really can't do it and give him time to come around and see that your friendship is not worth losing over this. But please put your boyfriend in line and if he can't back off a little, maybe start questioning your relationship with him as, from personal experience, it usually only gets worse
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ONElexi
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
Your relationship with your boyfriend is unhealthy and he clearly doesn't trust you. It's not going to last. Don't sacrifice your best friend for this guy.
Yes there are times when he acts way more possessive than he needs to but when I’m with him he just makes me feel happy. I just want them both in my life but my bf has decided he doesn’t want me talking to my bestfriend anymore.
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ONElexi
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(Original post by xozxexo)
I've been in a similar situation and it lasted for over a year. From the way your boyfriend is acting currently, I can't see things working out in the long run. Girl please don't let him have your social media passwords! That's overstepping boundaries!! He clearly doesn't have very much trust and is being very possessive.

Speak to your best friend and try to talk it out with him, understand if he really can't do it and give him time to come around and see that your friendship is not worth losing over this. But please put your boyfriend in line and if he can't back off a little, maybe start questioning your relationship with him as, from personal experience, it usually only gets worse
I don’t understand why he wants to ruin our friendship over this but I do hope he realises it’s not worth it too.

He’s my first actual boyfriend and I thought him having my passwords was normal...when he asked for it the first time and I didn’t wanna give it because privacy but then he told me if I have nothing to hide I should just give it
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sinfonietta
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(Original post by ONElexi)
I don’t understand why he wants to ruin our friendship over this but I do hope he realises it’s not worth it too.

He’s my first actual boyfriend and I thought him having my passwords was normal...when he asked for it the first time and I didn’t wanna give it because privacy but then he told me if I have nothing to hide I should just give it
No, it's not normal. In fact what he has done here is manipulative. He asked for them so he can keep an eye on you because he doesn't trust you.

There are so many red flags in this relationship. You should walk away.
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ONElexi
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An update if anyone is interested:
I spoke to my bestfriend last night and he told me the reason he wanted to stop talking to me was because he felt like the second choice. But he also said he wouldn’t mind being in my life even if it’s just as friends. Which obviously made me really happy because we were just acting normal with eachother like nothing had changed.

So I went to tell my boyfriend about it and he got...angry. He told me I should of called him before talking to my bestfriend to ask if I’m allowed. Then he asked if we made any flirty jokes with each other and I told him the truth which was Yh my bestfriend made those jokes with me. And of course he got mad and felt disrespected. He doesn’t want me talking to my bestfriend AT ALL now and wants me to choose one of them.
I don’t think I can do that..
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sinfonietta
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(Original post by ONElexi)
So I went to tell my boyfriend about it and he got...angry. He told me I should of called him before talking to my bestfriend to ask if I’m allowed. Then he asked if we made any flirty jokes with each other and I told him the truth which was Yh my bestfriend made those jokes with me. And of course he got mad and felt disrespected. He doesn’t want me talking to my bestfriend AT ALL now and wants me to choose one of them.
I don’t think I can do that..
This is just another reason why you should leave him. He thinks he has a right to control who you interact with and is trying to get his way by posing ultimatums.
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ONElexi
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
This is just another reason why you should leave him. He thinks he has a right to control who you interact with and is trying to get his way by posing ultimatums.
Idk maybe it’s the way I’m wording things...
He’s a good guy and he’s been through a lot. He does make me happy and I’m scared I’m not gonna find anyone like him again. I feel like I’ve put him through so much aswell
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YaliaV
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It seems like you’re messing everyone around.
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ONElexi
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(Original post by YaliaV)
It seems like you’re messing everyone around.
Hm why do you think that
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