Hi guys,
So I started my PGCE course the beginning of September. We had two weeks at Uni for lectures and seminars which was fine, I actually enjoyed those two weeks.
After the two weeks we started our first placement and, wow, what a ride it has been.
At first I was enjoying it, I found that I'm good at teaching lessons and the feedback has been mostly positive. However, as time is going on I'm noticing a massive decline in my mental health. The very thought of school now fills me with dread.
First of all, I was not prepared for the workload. Sure, I knew there would be marking and lesson planning involved, but my uni has extra work (that none of the other PGCE students from other uni's have to do) and they have organised our weeks in school so that we literally have no time to actually do our lesson plans etc.
My mentor is not the friendliest person. In fact she talks to us as if we are complete morons. From day one it's like she thinks we are mind readers. There has been no consideration whatsoever that we are completely new to any of this so don't know how everything works. I don't feel like I can go to her at all with any questions. She is not available to contact for help over the half term (even though she's given me lesson plans to do for the first week back which I need help with).
After school, I'm working till I literally go to bed. I feel like I never get a chance to just relax. I've already had one breakdown, I've made excuses to not go in...I've even left early when I'm not supposed to. I just am not happy one bit.
The pupils, minus one very lovely year 7 class, have little to no respect for their teachers and I find myself questioning why on earth I'm putting myself through this for kids who don't care about your wellbeing and who don't give the slightest bit of care to their own learning.
Sure, the holidays are considered a bonus by many....but they aren't a bonus when you have loads of work to do during it because you had absolutely no time to do the work during term time.
I have a very short temper and I can honestly feel myself slowly building up so much anger and frustration that I'm going to lose it and just walk out.
I was going to give myself till Christmas, but honestly questioning if I'll make it that far. I've contacted my tutor to meet up and talk to her about my issues before I make any decision.
I knew what I was getting into (sort of) and I thought I'd be able to handle it. I love my subject and I enjoy teaching it when the kids actually do as they're told.....but so far the experience has left me just wishing I hadn't even applied.
I've been told my numerous teachers at the school how awful teaching really is now. My friend who has been teaching for years (and loved it) has now given in his resignation and is leaving the profession altogether because of how awful and toxic it has become. My mentor in the first week told me how teaching has one of the highest suicide rates, my friends mentor tells her how she is so stressed she self harms.....nobody on my course seems at all happy and I know some who also are thinking of dropping out.
The only question is that if I drop out, what will I do? I can't think of any other career that I'd like to pursue or how to get into it. I scroll through tons of grad jobs that seem boring and miserable.
I graduated in 2018 and I feel like despite all my years in education and work (I took a few years out working before contemplating going back to uni to do my undergrad) that it's all been for nothing. Where are all the decent jobs? I honestly feel ridiculously low and like my life isn't going anywhere....which is the only thing keeping me on this god awful PGCE. To top it all off I keep hearing that the NQT years are just as bad if not worse and I don't know if I can carry on with this level of stress.
I'm actually quite a resilient person usually, but this course has really made me into a wreck.
Any advice is appreciated.