Loneliness at University

What do you mean by “most power”. If this is one of them followers/leaders group of “friends” then I think you’re better off without them

Which uni?

So I'm in my sixth week if university now. Bit my flat mates are slowly starting to leave me out of stuff, there are 8 of us and the one with the most power hates me. She was my friend 2 and a half weeks ago but now she refused to say anything to me and will say stuff about me to my friends. Anyway right now they are all in the kitchen and I can hear them enjoying themselves and I am stuck in my room. I have very few friends outside the flat and I have been trying to Branch out and going to many socials but I can't find the people I want to be friends with. I went.out last night and found a nice group but they aren't talking to me now and they were really nice last night. I don't know what to do I feel so alone

This happened to me and ended up resulting in depression had to redo first year...

Boi is it possible to move out of there? Just attack the cancer from the root.

You need to leave that place asap.... if it's not possible to move out, forget about your terrible flatmates...so far i noticed the easiest way to make friends is in football clubs....or like any sport club with a large student number...id start there.... joining societies doesn't really help make friends to be honest.... i don't know just my opinion

And boi, remember listen very CAREFULLY.....

At the end of the day, don't let your expectations for first year drive you to become sad. .

At the end of the day uni isn't about making friends...
Think about the bigger picture... achieving high grades is the key to your future. .... always look to the future..

Make sure you study hard..
STUDYING comes first then friends
Go study at the uni library.... and occasionally try chatting to people sitting next to you... another possible way to make friends

Chatting up people before lectures or after is also good too for making friends.. attend your course society socials......

What else...
Never stay isolated in your room is my biggest advice i guess... it will cause depression

Always sit in a uni cafe to just watch videos on your phone, do course work, study etc.

Don't prioritize making friends okay?
Prioritize your life...
Once you start achieving high grades it all won't matter

And you are your best friend....
Make sure you do stuff that benefits you...
Don't get into relationships as well if you're lonely... people will take advantage of you..

And always post on student room! It's a safe place to discuss feelings

Message me on here if you ever need advice..

Take care

Thank you so much. I had thought of moving out but I'm so thinking why should I be punished for the way they are acting and have to create new relationships with people when it could be worse in a new flat. But thank you so much

Okay guys so update. Today I was going to order pizza cos they are all doing out and I thought cos two of us are staying it might be nice for us. Anyway I message the group chat for our flat cos I didn't want them moaning at me for not getting any for them and they all go 'im good' and stuff but then one of them goes 'hell to the no'. Like I was trying to be nice it was completely unnecessary for him to say that. And today I have been trying to talk to this same guy and he's giving really blunt answers and not replying. On Tuesday night he was being nice and asking my friend to look after me and stuff- he doesn't remember this cos he was drunk - but on Wednesday morning I had forgotten to clean up after my friends cos I went to bed after they left. So now he's being mean again like I apologized to him cos he had to do it but i was trying to talk to him and on Tuesday he said we were fine but now he's acting like this again. I don't know what to do. I've hit rock bottom I tried to be nice, I've been in the library all day and thought it might be a nice way for us to bond again but now I don't know

Have you heard the phrase "bye felicia"? Lol stop caring about one person...you cannot make everyone to like you .... so don't waste your time on this person. . move on to other people ... and if it happens with other people, move on too... just keep going. . and literally stop caring about what some people think and feel .... tell that boi bye felicia kkk...

He can kiss your ass😂✌

Or if you're deeply affected by this forget my insensitive response you may approach him and say can we please talk......tell him your view....how you feel exactly what you just said here! And tell him about your feeling of loneliness tooo. He might be a nice guy and change his attitude if he understands where you're coming from... make sure conversation is face to face... don't text this

Update us later how you're getting on

You remind me of myself ..i went through exactly the same. ..i was like 19 in my first year and honestly i thought i had the world mapped out... you will see for yourself that over time you will develop thicker skin... the way of life is that people come and go. Don't chase people let me tell you something... consider yourself a "high value individual " snob them like they snob you.. never compromise your self worth or like your dignity trying to understand why someone is being mean to you.

They are mean because something is wrong with them not you... and maybe they are not even intellectually on the same maturity level as you....
You seem caring and you value people.... they are not caring and they are not valuing you..

Please don't let this affect you. Don't talk about rock bottom....

Dude love yourself please. Friends will come like i told you yesterday ... it takes time.... you will find people keep trying..... if you have tried and it's not working in your accommodation.. now you start looking elsewhere for friends..

Did you chat up anyone in lectures today?
Are you in any society?

Hi there, I'm also in my first year at UEA, and if you're feeling lonely please don't hesitate to message me! I'm not that close to my flatmates either and if you're looking for someone to have a chat with, I can do that.

Let us know how it goes x

Hi, thank you so much it's hard not being close with them cos we have to live together until June. I would always be willing to talk to anyone I actually love talking to people that's why I'm so worried about this. But thank you so much x

If you would ever like to have a meet up with a friendly face, message me and I'm sure we can arrange something x

Lol you won't believe what i read... i thought i read first year student in the UAE was about to say how will you guys meet 😂😂...unless you're an arab prince who can just casually catch plane rides to London anytime on a whim

😂😂 That's brilliant omg

I hope you're feeling better today, if you want to message me, you have to do it as your account is anonymous. Good luck with it all though if I don't hear from you x

So I'm in my sixth week if university now. Bit my flat mates are slowly starting to leave me out of stuff, there are 8 of us and the one with the most power hates me. She was my friend 2 and a half weeks ago but now she refused to say anything to me and will say stuff about me to my friends. Anyway right now they are all in the kitchen and I can hear them enjoying themselves and I am stuck in my room. I have very few friends outside the flat and I have been trying to Branch out and going to many socials but I can't find the people I want to be friends with. I went.out last night and found a nice group but they aren't talking to me now and they were really nice last night. I don't know what to do I feel so alone

I've seen these sorts of threads many times over on TSR.

And what really annoys me is when I see posts telling OPs such as yourself to just move out.... Do you think life is that simple? When something is hard or challenging, you just run? What if this happens at a different flat, different uni, a new work place, then the next? Will you just keep running from pillar to post?

You need to deal with this issue. If you suspect the person has a problem with you or is manipulating other people to cast you aside, you need to stick up for yourself and defend yourself. You can't simply run and hide because you don't like confrontations. You can't avoid confrontations in life, no matter how fast you run in the opposite direction.

All you should do is speak to this ring leader alone. Preferably go to her room or message to come and see you and just discuss how you're feeling. You think that she's intentionally leaving you out of stuff when she organises social activities with the rest of the flat and say as a group, you're feeling isolated and singled out. Some people can be understanding, others will make a big thing about it.. But that's life.

Make sure you do this face to face and one on one. Where nobody else can interfere or interject. So no group chats and no talking in open space like the corridor or flat kitchen. Make sure it's private.

If she's a *****, then she'll get her karma. But you try and build up your confidence in the mean time by joining societies, perhaps if your course doesn't have any, become a student rep. Join the gym or something that can not only take your mind of this, but also get you out of your flat.

Even though I didn't have your problem, at times, I also had bouts of loneliness and isolation due to not fitting in with my flatmates. On a side note, after I realised it was me who was spending the majority time in my own room, on my own occasion because my mind planting seeds in them, I uprooted those seeds, starting doing my work in the kitchen and then, all behold, people from my flat started to join in and do work in the kitchen too.

It doesn't have to be it's Me vs. Them situation. Don't bury the situation. Confront it.