Sex

Hi all.

So basically when it comes to sex, I don’t initiate it, the guy does. He’s commented that I’m also shy. He’s right, but I’m not entirely sure why I’m shy. I do suffer from MH, but the guy doesn’t know, and very little people I know in real life know, but idk if that has anything to do with it :dontknow:

. I feel guilty because I really don’t know why I’m shy in the bedroom, and it’s just making me feel very guilty :cry:

.

Has anyone experienced this? And if so how do you overcome the shyness? I really hate being shy, and I’m just struggling to come out of that shell :frown:

I’d appreciate the advice. :smile:

Thank you!

Reply 1

lilylovesdonkeys

Hi!

Before I say anything I’d like to point out I’m not a counsellor! I’m just expressing my opinion so don’t worry if you disagree with what I say!
From what you said I feel maybe that you shouldn’t be having sex with this person in the first place. Sex is fun and enjoyed by many but at younger ages I believe should be done with someone you fully trust and are comfortable with. If the person you are having sex with does not even know about your MH, maybe you should not be doing this until you’re fully comfortable with them and able to show yourself emotionally before physically. From experience, sex with someone you’re not fully comfortable with makes you feel guilty as you don’t know how to be yourself whilst doing something so intimate. He should not be making you feel bad about this though, that is a bad sign.

My advice would be to either open up to this person first and find yourself able to connect with them emotionally. Or if it still feels like you are not confident, you need to find the right person for you who makes you feel confident! My boyfriend now is amazing and I feel so confident with him that we can even laugh during sex of funny noises happen! Whereas with my last I was so self conscious and not able to enjoy it! It really is just finding the right person for you and being able to share This experience with them :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Hey! Thanks for replying! :smile:

I’ve been sleeping with this person for the last 3 years, and we do have a laugh, etc. I’ve always been a bit of a shy person anyway, but just hate the fact that I’m shy when it comes to the bedroom. In regards to my MH, it’s taken me years before I’ve seemed professional help because I’ve had comments from family members over the years (I suffer from OCD and anxiety - so it’s comments like ‘you need to stop it’, etc) - so it’s just that I think that’s also affecting me to feel confident enough to open up to others about my MH, because I’ve felt so so isolated from the comments for so long :frown:

.

I think it’s just also finding a way to go about opening up, I know I should just move on from comments family have thrown at me over the years, but because of the stigma of MH it’s making me fear that people will just not want to have anything to do with me anymore and just feel like I’m stuck - silly mindset I know, think I just need to shake that off and just be confident I guess :dontknow:

. And that’s good that your boyfriend makes you feel like that :smile:

Reply 3

lilylovesdonkeys

Mental health sucks! I know I can say don’t listen to the comments, but the truth is you always will! You are not wrong for how you feel and hopefully with time you can work on your self and better your mental health and once you are happy within your self that’s when your confidence will come out! Being shy is nothing to be ashamed of (I think in the bedroom it’s probably even cute!). Just have fun and enjoy yourself that’s all that matters. I hope everything improves for you !

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Literally does suck! Yes definitely, it’s always an easy thing to say, but also an easy thing to ignore. I’m hoping so, just hate feeling so stuck, and that is so true with the confidence thing too. That is true :redface:

. And thank you :smile:

Reply 5

humanppower

Hello,Being shy is something normal. Different people overcome it at different stage in their lives if they want at all, some never do. Time will tell everything in one way or other.To overcome it... you have to dig deeper back in your life in order to find out why is there on the first place and when you know why then you can best judge yourself what u can do to ''play with the shyness'', embrace it and ''take control over it''. Could be just because you are a nice person.. or you are looking for the ''right guy'' to unleash yourself, maybe it is experience and confidence you need to gain.. or simply you have limits and you may want to stick with them. Never hate you are shy, because this is very rare in people nowdays. This is my thoughts.Cheers and good luck!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by humanppower

Hey, thanks for replying. :smile:

I am a nice person, guess (like you say) I just need to figure out why it’s there in the first place, and just nip it in the bud :redface:

.. think it’s more confidence that I’m lacking :redface:

. And thank you :smile:

Reply 7

mgi

Original post by Anonymous

Hey, thanks for replying. :smile:

I am a nice person, guess (like you say) I just need to figure out why it’s there in the first place, and just nip it in the bud :redface:

.. think it’s more confidence that I’m lacking :redface:

. And thank you :smile:

Shyness is always about lack of self confidence and probably a bit of fear. So you deal with it by taking on something that would normally make you feel a bit shaky. Just take one small step and reward yourself for even trying. And then try again. It gets easier gradually and you get more confident. For example , on sex. Next time you start first with one action like tell him that you are taking his shirt off while he watches or whatever. But you will tell him what to do, take control for a few minutes. Eventually you will get more and more confident. What do you think?

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by mgi

Sorry just seen this :redface:

Yes, I totally agree :smile:

just need to get rid of this shyness, thank you :smile:

Reply 9

mgi

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry just seen this :redface:

Yes, I totally agree :smile:

just need to get rid of this shyness, thank you :smile:

Do you know how to get rid of your shyness?

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by mgi

Do you know how to get rid of your shyness?

At the moment no, just need to work it out :redface:

Reply 11

mgi

Original post by Anonymous

At the moment no, just need to work it out :redface:

Have you identified your shy moments? that would be the first step.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by mgi

Have you identified your shy moments? that would be the first step.

Haven’t thought of that :colondollar:

, thanks

Reply 13

Allie_123

Interesting that you talk of him as a 'guy' and 'person' not your bf or man. Could your shyness be related to a deeper issue like guilt ? Youve been sleeping with him 3 years and still shy about initiating sex or having sex ? Is he in a relationship with someone else ? Not judging you - but questioning your motives. What do you want from this relationship, besides sex and a good time ?

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Allie_123

I’m not sure tbh. I think with the shyness it’s the stuff before the intercourse, and I really don’t know why. He’s single, his ex cheated on him and from what he explained to me she was a controlling b****, he wants a relationship with me but I know he was reluctant to start a relationship because how he was treated by her, which I get because of how awful she was towards him, and he even said he felt like he was a prisoner as well. And I just want him tbh.