had a rough couple of days. bf is being unsupportive, and called me a whore

@Ciel - how is your art going at the moment? Have you got a few pieces on the go?

they still need a bit of work.... i need some ritalin and a few cans of red bulls to finally get them done, my brain just feels so ****ing dead.

Art is your therapy, isn't it? Pour everything you have into getting a piece finished (such as a piece is ever 'finished')

sort of, yeah. but tbh i've been trying to distance myself from my art lately. as in, my emotions. because otherwise my art is just dark and depressing, and most people hate that.

Can't you do a piece for you, rather than a commercial piece? Treat yourself. Can you separate pieces like that, or would it pervade all your current projects. I don't want Ciel's 'dark period'.

i need to focus on my current projects first... not getting any younger 😂 sadly...

not because i'm a guy. but because i'm me, i guess. eh, i suppose it doesn't matter. he probably won't believe me, no matter what i say to him.


yeah, it's flawed, but it's mainly because of me, not the relationship itself.


i don't want to. i'd rather die than be by myself. i need to be in a relationship. i feel lost otherwise. i know it's ****ed up but i feel like a teenager still, despite being in my twenties, i can't cope with adult life on my own.

Omg you are a guy. I want to slap you. You have a lovely boyfriend and you are cheating on him. Grow up. Life is mire than a a casual shag

ah, i see. thanks.



medication? for ptsd? nope. surely you can't mean antidepressants. that stuff nearly drove me mad once. it made me psychotic. like i said, i don't want therapy. therapy involves talking about the cause (or at least processing it), and i don't want to do that, not now, not ever! it's pointless, all i want is to forget about it, not dig deeper into it. thinking about it, having to relive it, makes everything a million times worse for me. i feel so much better when i don't.

i appreciate your concern, but i don't consider what happened 'rape'! it's highly possibly that i encouraged the whole thing, because that's how i get when i'm drunk.

because 'confronting' them will not solve anything. oh, and it was because i came home covered in hickeys and bite marks.
i want to be a famous artist..

it's okay.. a lot of people do (it confuses them when i mention my bf)

no, it's not always treatable...

Omg you are a guy. I want to slap you. You have a lovely boyfriend and you are cheating on him. Grow up. Life is mire than a a casual shag

Firstly, can you next time make sure to not get drunk around strangers or people who don't know that being drunk makes you act flirtatious and they might take it as an invitation and 'use' it for their own needs? What I am trying to say is: if you cannot control your urges when drunk; why on earth are you getting drunk in the first place? You said somewhere you felt "used" and I am sorry that you had an unpleasant experience. Do you think you could be self-destructive? Because honestly, everything you are doing:

- Cheating

- Losing self-control

seems to be more bad than good. Wake up and take responsibility. I know having mental health issues can do a lot of damage to a person but now is the time to turn your life around. Good luck.


P.S. Your boyfriend sounds a little abusive from some of your other threads, but he at least deserves loyalty. If you know you lose self-control when drunk, why drink in the first place? You are an adult, not a child so perhaps change things around.

Well i guess you'll never know if you don't try.

because i'm a guy? what difference does my gender make?

i know what you mean, about getting drunk around strangers etc., but i just wasn't really thinking clearly. he's not abusive tho..

i tried therapy in the past, and it didn't help.

most people suggest therapy. and like i said, it's not something that could ever help me.

You were irresponsible. Drinking and going out with others who you clearly couldn't trust.

Letting yourself become used by others is really not on. I completely understand him. Your boyfriend is right and I fully agree with him.

He owes you nothing. I'm amazed he hasn't completely left you.

He doesn't deserve to be with a cheater.

Imagine if it was the other way around and went out with his female friends and had sex with them and couldn't even remember how many girls he had sex with and couldn't remember whether protection was used or not!

Ok - well - I used to work in a sexually transmitted diseases unit. Week after week the gay men would come in - the same ones - having had a wild weekend and having caught another STD. The women less so often. Maybe they went to their GP, but I think they were just less promiscuous.

We are struggling with resistance to medications and there will be a time when the treatments don't work and there are going to be a huge number of people with lifelong infections that will make them miserable.

i would forgive him.... sex is just sex, it doesn't mean anything most of the time, imo.


i think casual sex is just much more easily available for us, than it is for straight men/women, and our community isn't judgemental when it comes to it.

Just because sex is more casual for you doesn’t mean your boyfriend should be okay with you sleeping with anyone. If you’re in an exclusive relationship, you cannot just have sex with other men and be shocked when your boyfriend shows he’s angry and hurt. You seem so unbelievably entitled.

i'm not saying he should be okay with it. i know he's a bit old fashioned when it comes to sex and relationships. but like i said, the whole thing wasn't intentional, so he should at least listen to my explanation instead of completely shutting me out.

i would forgive him.... sex is just sex, it doesn't mean anything most of the time, imo.


i think casual sex is just much more easily available for us, than it is for straight men/women, and our community isn't judgemental when it comes to it.

I wouldn’t call being upset when your partner sleeps with other people old fashioned but okay.

I seriously think you need help. If we’re being serious, and I know other users have said it, but you said before to break up with him and your response was you didn’t want to be alone. Do you have feelings for him?

Control your drinking.