had a rough couple of days. bf is being unsupportive, and called me a whore

Sure, but you need to take on board the disease issue and be a bit more responsible.

i know the risks, and the importance of using protection when you sleep with strangers. but sometimes it's something you have no control over.

Yes you do have control. There is still HIV Out there. I know for a fact that some people are becoming resistant to the treatment. Not many at the moment, but HIV is a very clever virus. Don't become another statistic

i'm not saying he should be okay with it. i know he's a bit old fashioned when it comes to sex and relationships. but like i said, the whole thing wasn't intentional, so he should at least listen to my explanation instead of completely shutting me out.

Ok, but you would probably admit that you are a bit dysfunctional generally and determined to stay that way! Thats why you keep saying counselling probably would not work for you; you don't want it to?

You are so irresponsible - relying on others. According to statistics, 1 in 12 people with HIV do not know they have it.

You actually disgust me

i tried therapy and it didn't work, how many times do i have to tell you guys? there's no cure for what's wrong with me!

i disgust you? you should be disgusted by them, not me. it's a **** move to have sex with an obviously wasted person.
and well, i don't have it, so...

So, what is actually wrong with you that can't be cured then?

the past few days ive been having really bad mood swings. spent a couple of days away from home, maybe 4, 5. binge drinking, partying, overdoing it a little with benzos and other stuff. my bf's so furious with me.

but i needed space. all he said to me today was "get out of my sight, you whore". i have some pretty obvious marks on me, so i couldn't even deny it. but i just couldn't think clearly. i felt like a different person. and i still feel a bit ike that. plus the drugs/alcohol combo. i barely even remember doing it. i know i need to get tested, becaue i'm noe sure if they even used protection. i just feel like they took advantage me me due to me being so out of it.i want himto knw the full story. but he won't talk to me. i just don't know how to get through to him?

4 so 5 days away from home... With no contact to your bf? That's quite a while. He was probably as much worried about you as well as pissed off.

I don't know. You've seemed to have been through quite a lot with him. Give him a little time and he'll come around.

But then maybe this is a step too far? I don't know to what extent your boyfriend knows about your previous cheating. This is also coming soon after you proposing making the relationship poly. There's only so much chaos some people can take I guess.

ptsd manifesting itself in a ton of other issues. i don't wish to go into any further detail about it.

What are you actually seeking from this thread?

So you don't get a job then complain when he works too much and you then go on about him not wanting a polymorous relationship. Now you complain because you cheated and he doesn't want to support you? As other users have stated, you need professional help, I'm sorry you have PTSD etc but posting on here won't help. You need therapy.

4 so 5 days away from home... With no contact to your bf? That's quite a while. He was probably as much worried about you as well as pissed off.

I don't know. You've seemed to have been through quite a lot with him. Give him a little time and he'll come around.

But then maybe this is a step too far? I don't know to what extent your boyfriend knows about your previous cheating. This is also coming soon after you proposing making the relationship poly. There's only so much chaos some people can take I guess.

Your boyfriends comments are understandable given your previous behaviour. You put yourself in a position of intoxication to the point you can’t remember events and likely cheated quite willingly. Blaming the guy for taking advantage is simply an attempt to avoid self-responsibility.

That's fine. I only asked because i suspected that you are where you are and that there is not much anyone on tsr is going to be able to help you with. So if you do what you described on this thread- so what? It is your life, your choice and you don't have to give further details. And therefore, technically and respectfully, i don't have to bother about your problems!

well, it's not like i sit and do nothing all day. i work on my art projects. therapy doesn't work for many people, so yeah.

Do your art projects bring in any money? And if they do enough money? If not get yourself a job. Yes, therapy doesn't work but you need professional help.

i just needed to get this off my chest. it's not something i want to discuss with people from my real life. and i wanted to try and see this situation from another person's perspective, i guess.

well, it's not like i sit and do nothing all day. i work on my art projects. therapy doesn't work for many people, so yeah.

i hope so.. and he doesn't know much about it, fortunately... 2% of it, i'd say...

it is taking advantage tho. i'd never do that to anyone.

not yet, but they will. soon. i had to quit my regular job, there's no point getting another one. same ****'s gonna happen. lol, then what's the point of getting professional help?

Consent is consent, especially if the guy just wants fun. Getting a girl drunk has been a time honoured way to copulate for decades.

I will add that you need a new boyfriend. If you can’t control your own behaviour, you clearly need a man prepared to issue an ultimatum and follow through when you try engage in this kind of self destructive behaviour.