English paper 1 question 3 structure

Squigman

11

Can anyone take a look at my response and give me some constructive criticism please..

Reply 1

Squigman

OP

11

The extract is Mr fisher but I feel its awful...

Reply 2

Davy611

12

Level 2. 4/8. Discuss moments of tension and drama as part of the narrative structure. Be more precise in your evaluation. Don't make language points.

Reply 3

Squigman

OP

11

Original post by Davy611

Level 2. 4/8. Discuss moments of tension and drama as part of the narrative structure. Be more precise in your evaluation. Don't make language points.

Isn't the question about structure, what language points have I made? How can I be more precise I can't say categorically be is a loner as I can only infer?

Reply 4

Squigman

OP

11

Anyone else? What can I improve plz?

Reply 5

Gilwern

9

This is a strong response. 6 out of 8.

The question asks you to write about what the writer has focused on: you’ve done this.

The question asks you to write about how the focus changes: you’ve done this.

To get top marks

Speculate on why it is structured in this way.

So, why do you think it might be structured in this way?

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 6

Tolgash

21

Original post by Gilwern

This is a strong response. 6 out of 8.

The question asks you to write about what the writer has focused on: you’ve done this.

The question asks you to write about how the focus changes: you’ve done this.

To get top marks

Speculate on why it is structured in this way.

So, why do you think it might be structured in this way?

Interesting how the professional examiner, @Davy611, disagrees and thinks it's average. The discrepancies in English assessment have appeared once again!

Reply 7

Gilwern

9

I agree English is quite subjective at times and can be open to interpretation.

Here is a 4 mark answer taken from AQA’s website. In comparison to Strach2k's response, it is incoherent and vague. Strach2k's response is clearly better than this one.

4 marks out of 8
The sources opening is purposefully written to avoid the story line, by focusing on and visualising the van the reader is made curious to it’s nature and purpose within the story. Then by immediately changing focus to the family, in the second paragraph, Bate’s builds a vivid imagein the readers mind using detailed imagery.

Bate’s uses short snappy dialogue that adds unanswered questions and builds tension. Coupld with short sentences and less detail Bates avoids boring the reader. Then by drawing focus onto a single character, Alice, longer sentences and description is used more due to lack of characterisation. Then with the return of Mr Hartop conflict is protrayed once again through short sentences and relating to Mr Hartop’s anger.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 8

Squigman

OP

11

I'm Confused varying opinions??! I will see what my English tutor thinks of it and let you all know, I have tried to show structure techniques and explain why they are being used... You believe my response is incoherent and vague?

Reply 9

Gilwern

9

Original post by Strach2k

I'm Confused varying opinions??! I will see what my English tutor thinks of it and let you all know, I have tried to show structure techniques and explain why they are being used... You believe my response is incoherent and vague?

No, quite the opposite. I have edited my post to hopefully make it clear.

Your response is 6 out of 8.

The AQA response I posted is 4 out of 8. It is incoherent and vague in comparison to yours.

Reply 10

Squigman

OP

11

Original post by Gilwern

No, quite the opposite. I have edited my post to hopefully make it clear.

Your response is 6 out of 8.

The AQA response I posted is 4 out of 8. It is incoherent and vague in comparison to yours.

Ohh I see thank you, that's does clear things up, hopefully my English tutor will agree 😁 considering I haven't been in school for over 16years and have had 6 Gcse English lessons I'm pleasently pleased with that 😁

Reply 11

Gilwern

9

Original post by Strach2k

Ohh I see thank you, that's does clear things up, hopefully my English tutor will agree 😁 considering I haven't been in school for over 16years and have had 6 Gcse English lessons I'm pleasently pleased with that 😁

Believe me it's a good response. You have a nice clear writing style too. Not overly complicating things (in a good way).

You're welcome to respond to the question I posed further up. I might be able to help you improve it even further.

Reply 12

Squigman

OP

11

Which question is that sorry?

Reply 13

Gilwern

9

To get top marks

Speculate on why the text is structured in this way.

So, why do you think it might be structured in this way?

Reply 14

Tolgash

21

Original post by Gilwern

Here is a 4 mark answer taken from AQA’s website. In comparison to Strach2k's response, it is incoherent and vague. Strach2k's response is clearly better than this one.

Is it? I don't think so. My assessment was also that this was an average answer.

I think I'll trust examiner judgement. Four marks can come on many different shapes and sizes. In such medium-tariff questions, it is easy for there to be a much greater difference in quality between marks.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 15

Squigman

OP

11

Add to the existing and answer your questions you mean?

Reply 16

Davy611

12

Just casual feedback, nothing set in stone :smile:

Maybe I was a bit harsh last night when peering at the image. Gilwern's response seems perfectly reasonable. I'll push to 5/8 :smile:

Reply 17

Gilwern

9

Tolgarda,

To get above 4 marks, you have to show clear understanding. If you re-read Strach's response, you'll see that they really do show a clear understanding of the text and how it is structured.

Absolute minimum 5 marks, but I'd still go 6. The vast majority of responses to this question are far worse, believe me!

P.s. I too have marked this paper :smile:

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 18

Gilwern

9

Original post by Strach2k

Add to the existing and answer your questions you mean?

Just try and answer the question on here using your normal words. Don't need to make it fancy.

You've already explained how the text is structured. You did that really well. Now, why do you think the writer might have structured it like this?

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 19

Tolgash

21

Original post by Gilwern

Tolgarda,

To get above 4 marks, you have to show clear understanding. If you re-read Strach's response, you'll see that they really do show a clear understanding of the text and how it is structured.

Absolute minimum 5 marks, but I'd still go 6. The vast majority of responses to this question are far worse, believe me!

P.s. I too have marked this paper :smile:

I understand. Thanks for telling me.

English paper 1 question 3 structure

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