insomnia club

he called my new art project "another piece of ****", but that's okay, in less than a year my art will be everywhere. so i'm not mad.

i don’t get it. if he treats you like that then why is he still with you? not only that but let’s you stay at his place for free and pays everything for you. but then ****s on your work that you worked hard on?

everything i do is pointless.

What's up? Here if you need to talk.

thanks. that means a lot. but no amount of talking will help here.

You never know, it might, but I know it's hard to talk sometimes (or all the time lol). You're not alone regardless. If I can help at all, don't hesitate to ask?

And for the record, I don't think what you do is pointless. I hope things look up for you soon. And I hope you know I care about you, even if I am a random stranger on the internet.

yeah. it is.
i know what you mean. after all, we are in the same boat. so even though we are strangers, it's like we can still relate to each other in, in a way.

Exactly. It's why I don't mind helping or just listening, I know how difficult it can be to manage everything. But I also know trauma can **** with you and make you not want to get support or "deal with" other people for one reason or another (ie you're scared or some other reason, I have countless reasons why I avoid people, especially offline!).

No pressure, just the option is there (as always). But truly, I do care, and I'm a bit "off" with my sleep schedule (what's new seriously haha! ), so I'll be around for quite a few hours yet. Even if just talking about random other things will help, I don't mind. You don't have to deal with everything by yourself.

i get really bad lows sometimes. for no apparent reason. eh, yeah, it just ****s you up forever, doesn't it.
thanks, i'll keep that in mind.

I've seen, do they happen frequently? Yeah, it really does, but I guess we can't really change what's happened (unfortunately), but we do have more control over the here and now. I like to hope that things can change, although I feel like I'm gonna be hopelessly stuck for the rest of my life.

kinda, yeah. and same here, i feel like a completely different person. and it's not a good thing, lol.

I do know mood issues (like going up and down mood wise) can be related to trauma. Like messed up nervous system stuff, takes time to rewire that, but isn't impossible. I am fairly consistent in my mood though, in that it is basically always low, which I think frustrates some people (which makes me avoid people more). Oh well. I do get why it would feel unsettling though, especially if it causes you to feel like a different person. What sorta things helps you when things are particularly bad? Did something set tonight off for you?

You don't have to say if you don't want to, by the way.

i'm certain they are in my case. but people can be so ignorant. like, with their dumb suggestions about bipolar etc. which can be very frustrating. always low, huh? that sucks. i like my 'happy' moods, but more often than not, they're pretty disastrous. oh, and it depends. tbh normally i just take more valium, or have a couple of drinks. just to make everything feel less real. it's little stupid things sometimes.... eh, what can you do.