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My wife slapped my daughter?

I'm a 44-year-old white man married with 4 kids. My daughter is my youngest and she turned 14 two weeks ago (on December 23).

My mother-in-law passed away a few days ago and we were at the funeral today. When everyone was greiving, I noticed my daughter playing Modern Combat on her phone. My wife saw her playing and told her to put the phone away but she just said "whatever" and continued to play.

A few minutes later, she noticed my daughter was still playing on her phone. In front of everybody, she pulled my daughter's phone out of her hands and smashed it. My daughter started screaming. I don't remember everything she said, but it included: "You ****ing *****! What the **** are you doing?! I ****ing hate you, go **** yourself!" My daughter then kicked my wife in the leg and my wife lost it and slapped her across the face as hard as she could. I was shocked. 22 years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our eldest son, we made a promise to never use violence against our kids. My father used to beat me for not listening to him or saying something he didn't like. Today I can barely stand the sight of him. Everytime I saw him or heard his voice, those nightmares came back and it took days and sometimes even weeks before I could think about something else. That was the reason I moved out at 18. I couldn't bear it anymore.

Anyway, my daughter started crying and I went to hug and console her. My wife told her that she was a disrespectful spoiled brat, that she will never have a phone until she is 18 and that she was grounded. I understand how hard it is to lose a parent but I just can't believe that she hit our daughter. She broke the promise and I don't know how disappointed I am. And I know my daughter was wrong but no matter what she did, I would never have raised a hand against her. As someone who was beaten by his father for 18 years, I know how much damage violence and abuse can do to a child.

My daughter cried for the whole car ride and even after we came home. She went upstairs to her room and I followed her. I tried to comfort her. I told her that she will get a new phone on her 15th birthday (which is in December) and that what her mother did was wrong and that she is sorry. But my daughter said she hates her mother and that she will never forgive her. About half an hour later, I had a talk with my wife and she said: "I'm done with that apathetic heartless disrespectful brat. I can't handle her anymore."

I don't know what to do. They don't even talk to each other and I'm serious. I need help because I don't want them to hate or dislike each other. I want to fix their relationship.

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She shouldn't have done that.
wait.... why did you have to mention that you were white??
Original post by Womanhurtmen
She shouldn't have done that.

um... yeah she should. did you not read what the daughter did first?
your daughters a brat, you need to fix her first and then you can fix the relationship between her and her mother.
Original post by Womanhurtmen
She shouldn't have done that.


who is the "she you're referring to? the daughter or the mother?
Some serious questions have to be asked. Like, where can I get this Modern Combat game that is evidently so fun to play?
Original post by awkwardshortguy
Some serious questions have to be asked. Like, where can I get this Modern Combat game? It sounds like addictive fun.


the app store on your phone???
Reply 8
Is this a troll post or something? Theres a huge difference between randomly hitting your children and a scenario like this. Your wife is grieving for her mother first of all and to top it all of she resents the lack of respect her own child is showing towards her grandmother. Then on top of that your brat of a daughter refused to listen, refused to show any compassion, openly called her own mother a b itch and then kicked her!

Are you trying to raise a snowflake child because that is exactly what will happen if you don't discipline your child WHEN they deserve it. And a scenario like this most DEFINITELY deserved that reaction. I'd have beaten the sh it out of her. Your wife deserves a medal. And stop being a whiner, I doubt you wouldn't have done the same if this was happening to you instead. Or are you a massive doormat who lets his children wipe their feet all over him?


.
(edited 4 years ago)
Original post by goggleyed
wait.... why did you have to mention that you were white??

So that we know he doesn't age well. See my last thread.
Original post by awkwardshortguy
So that we know he doesn't age well. See my last thread.

dude, let it go ffs
Original post by Leviathan1611
the app store on your phone???

Thanks! We can close thread now.
Kid has you wrapped around their finger. Hopefully they aren't real.
As much as I disagree with hitting kids, your daughter is a disrespectful brat and shouldn’t be playing a video game at her grandmother’s funeral. She kicked your wife first, your wife who would be grieving the loss of her mother. Grief changes you and you don’t seem to be sympathizing with your wife. What your wife did wasn’t completely unwarranted.

Plus, who cares that you’re white?
(edited 4 years ago)
To put it simply, I think your daughter is milking it all... She's gone all her life (by the sounds of it) without proper discipline. She shows no respect towards her grandmother and no respect towards her parents.

I agree violence is never the answer, but you're not exactly instilling the right teachings to your daughter - why is she allowed to be violent, and that too with her mother??

You need to understand that as a parent, there are many forms of discipline that don't involve violence, which you should think of implementing (i.e: no phone like your wife said).

I agree, that especially nowadays teens under the age of 18 shouldn't be given phones. I don't care what anyone else says that's something I stand by.

By going to your daughter and consoling her & going against your wife (you'll get a phone for your 15th) you're allowing your daughter to take advantage of your kindness (i.e: no discipline).You should have spoken to your wife and then together to your daughter.

Also, the fact that your daughter is a lot older and STILL acting like an immature child is concerning. She needs to understand boundaries & respect. If she doesn't it will become a bigger problem for her life as she gets older.
(edited 4 years ago)
honestly speaking, you need to have a talk with both ladies. both are in the wrong. your daughter shouldnt have been so immature and disrespectful as to be playing on her phone in a damn funeral, but your wife should learn to be an adult and not call your children 'apathetic brats'. but if you were to ask me who's fault it is, its your daughter.

i dont care how old you are, but calling your parents f*cking b*itches is not acceptible under any circumstance. and you comforting her afterwards? i understand that you dont want to use violence against her, but she needs to understand that she cant swear and kick her bloody parents and expect cuddles afterwards. i can tell you for a fact that your daughter thinks she was fully justified in treating her mother just because she broke the phone that her mother probably paid for, just because you didnt show her she was wrong.

theres no soft way to say it, but your daughter needs to learn discipline. and dont get her a phone for gods sake, because it seems to me that she is actually quite bloody spoilt
Original post by Anonymous
I'm a 44-year-old white man married with 4 kids. My daughter is my youngest and she turned 14 two weeks ago (on December 23).

My mother-in-law passed away a few days ago and we were at the funeral today. When everyone was greiving, I noticed my daughter playing Modern Combat on her phone. My wife saw her playing and told her to put the phone away but she just said "whatever" and continued to play.

A few minutes later, she noticed my daughter was still playing on her phone. In front of everybody, she pulled my daughter's phone out of her hands and smashed it. My daughter started screaming. I don't remember everything she said, but it included: "You f*ucking bit**! What the f*uck are you doing?! I f*ucking hate you, go f*uck yourself!" My daughter then kicked my wife in the leg and my wife lost it and slapped her across the face as hard as she could. I was shocked. 22 years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our eldest son, we made a promise to never use violence against our kids. My father used to beat me for not listening to him or saying something he didn't like. Today I can barely stand the sight of him. Everytime I saw him or heard his voice, those nightmares came back and it took days and sometimes even weeks before I could think about something else. That was the reason I moved out at 18. I couldn't bear it anymore.

Anyway, my daughter started crying and I went to hug and console her. My wife told her that she was a disrespectful spoiled brat, that she will never have a phone until she is 18 and that she was grounded. I understand how hard it is to lose a parent but I just can't believe that she hit our daughter. She broke the promise and I don't know how disappointed I am. And I know my daughter was wrong but no matter what she did, I would never have raised a hand against her. As someone who was beaten by his father for 18 years, I know how much damage violence and abuse can do to a child.

My daughter cried for the whole car ride and even after we came home. She went upstairs to her room and I followed her. I tried to comfort her. I told her that she will get a new phone on her 15th birthday (which is in December) and that what her mother did was wrong and that she is sorry. But my daughter said she hates her mother and that she will never forgive her. About half an hour later, I had a talk with my wife and she said: "I'm done with that apathetic heartless disrespectful brat. I can't handle her anymore."

I don't know what to do. They don't even talk to each other and I'm serious. I need help because I don't want them to hate or dislike each other. I want to fix their relationship.


You have undermined your wife by promising the phone.
Leave them alone and let them stew for a bit.

I think your wife has a point.

Your daughter was incredibly rude and disrespectful in a big way.
Your daughter attacked your wife
She only slapped her, whilst not ideal it was after massive disrespect and provocation.
If you choose not to be supportive and understanding of your wife , then this time next year you might not have one to worry about. Your daughter crossed the line in a big way and she should be the first to apologise.

Or its a troll, in which case you are a very sick puppy.
Original post by Anonymous
honestly speaking, you need to have a talk with both ladies. both are in the wrong. your daughter shouldnt have been so immature and disrespectful as to be playing on her phone in a damn funeral, but your wife should learn to be an adult and not call your children 'apathetic brats'. but if you were to ask me who's fault it is, its your daughter.

i dont care how old you are, but calling your parents f*cking b*itches is not acceptible under any circumstance. and you comforting her afterwards? i understand that you dont want to use violence against her, but she needs to understand that she cant swear and kick her bloody parents and expect cuddles afterwards. i can tell you for a fact that your daughter thinks she was fully justified in treating her mother just because she broke the phone that her mother probably paid for, just because you didnt show her she was wrong.

theres no soft way to say it, but your daughter needs to learn discipline. and dont get her a phone for gods sake, because it seems to me that she is actually quite bloody spoilt

both are most definitely NOT in the wrong. the heck is wrong with people on here. only the child was wrong. she learnt a valuable lesson about life. hit someone, expect to be hit back.
Original post by Anonymous
dude, let it go ffs

Sheesh, you help someone with their query and this is what you get...
Original post by awkwardshortguy
Some serious questions have to be asked. Like, where can I get this Modern Combat game that is evidently so fun to play?

And also 'was it a backhand or a forehand slap?', and 'why did you decide to post this thread on this site, of all places?'
- Her mother just died
- Your kid was being a little ****, at a funeral in front of everyone.

I don't normally condone violence on children at all but honestly, your daughter was probably asking for it.
Not to mention the fact that your wife is probably very distraught right now, and so she's not completely emotionally stable.

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