This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

My wife slapped my daughter?

Scroll to see replies

Your wife was grieving and your daughter was in the wrong 100%. You shouldn't be spoiling her with a new phone and I understand your past but one slap is nothing compared to that. Your wife responded to being kicked. Your daughter isn't exactly a young child now she's old enough to behave properly without being told at a funeral. Your daughter is also old enough to know not to swear or hit her mum so she should be punished for that to understand she is in the wrong. You shouldn't comfort her or make promises behind your wife's back.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 81

TheMadNerd93

Original post by Anonymous

My mother-in-law passed away a few days ago and we were at the funeral today. When everyone was greiving, I noticed my daughter playing Modern Combat on her phone. My wife saw her playing and told her to put the phone away but she just said "whatever" and continued to play.

A few minutes later, she noticed my daughter was still playing on her phone. In front of everybody, she pulled my daughter's phone out of her hands and smashed it. My daughter started screaming. I don't remember everything she said, but it included: "You ****ing *****! What the **** are you doing?! I ****ing hate you, go **** yourself!" My daughter then kicked my wife in the leg

Initially I had the impression that your wife is your daughter's stepmum, a fact which was about to make me sympathise with your daughter despite her speech. It however turns out she's actually her mother.

Sir, I beg your pardon for what I am going to state, but it's vivid that the upbringing of your daughter is utterly improper. That's not how children should behave towards their parents regardless of a funeral being there or not.

And I am describing the situation as such, based on the fact stated by you regarding the absence of violence, unless your wife does implement violence upon your children and you are oblivious about it. In such a case I can describe your daughter's action as a reaction to the emotional torture she might be undergoing from her mum. It just doesn't make sense if the child is raised in a healthy, civil and nonviolent environment (including physical and verbal violence), yet this child is found to address their parents the way your daughter did.

I hence believe there is a problem with how your daughter is being treated by her mum. I emphasise again, violence is not only about beating up, very often a little word can destroy a full person, let alone a kid who'll grow up with an unrecoverable trauma.

Yes, I do agree with you regarding not beating up children and I am sincerely sorry to find out about your horrid experience with your dad. You are thinking absolutely right about not letting your children go through what you've been through. I hence believe that beating up and mainly slapping your daughter is quite unpleasant (but doesn't rule out her impoliteness at that moment). On the other hand, I shall assume your wife (especially with what she told you after the situation) has done that out of long-term tolerance of your daughter's attitude, who in turn has probably been putting up with her mum for so long already. Basically, it looks like both ends were bombs that have eventually exploded. The problem must be addressed on both parts. Perhaps there are elements you have no idea about which rendered you astonished at how your wife and little one have manifested themselves.

I hope no offence is caused by my contribution.

Do kindly update us about the sequels if possible.

Reply 82

1st superstar

Original post by Anonymous

I'm a 44-year-old white man married with 4 kids. My daughter is my youngest and she turned 14 two weeks ago (on December 23).

My mother-in-law passed away a few days ago and we were at the funeral today. When everyone was greiving, I noticed my daughter playing Modern Combat on her phone. My wife saw her playing and told her to put the phone away but she just said "whatever" and continued to play.

A few minutes later, she noticed my daughter was still playing on her phone. In front of everybody, she pulled my daughter's phone out of her hands and smashed it. My daughter started screaming. I don't remember everything she said, but it included: "You ****ing *****! What the **** are you doing?! I ****ing hate you, go **** yourself!" My daughter then kicked my wife in the leg and my wife lost it and slapped her across the face as hard as she could. I was shocked. 22 years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our eldest son, we made a promise to never use violence against our kids. My father used to beat me for not listening to him or saying something he didn't like. Today I can barely stand the sight of him. Everytime I saw him or heard his voice, those nightmares came back and it took days and sometimes even weeks before I could think about something else. That was the reason I moved out at 18. I couldn't bear it anymore.

Anyway, my daughter started crying and I went to hug and console her. My wife told her that she was a disrespectful spoiled brat, that she will never have a phone until she is 18 and that she was grounded. I understand how hard it is to lose a parent but I just can't believe that she hit our daughter. She broke the promise and I don't know how disappointed I am. And I know my daughter was wrong but no matter what she did, I would never have raised a hand against her. As someone who was beaten by his father for 18 years, I know how much damage violence and abuse can do to a child.

My daughter cried for the whole car ride and even after we came home. She went upstairs to her room and I followed her. I tried to comfort her. I told her that she will get a new phone on her 15th birthday (which is in December) and that what her mother did was wrong and that she is sorry. But my daughter said she hates her mother and that she will never forgive her. About half an hour later, I had a talk with my wife and she said: "I'm done with that apathetic heartless disrespectful brat. I can't handle her anymore."

I don't know what to do. They don't even talk to each other and I'm serious. I need help because I don't want them to hate or dislike each other. I want to fix their relationship.

mate if you daughter was my daughter oh baby you don't wanna know what i would of done i would have done the same as your wife, yell at her, confiscate her electronics ban her from hanging out from her friends etc for a month.

Reply 83

Charlie101998

Whilst I never, ever condone using serious violence against a child, I believe children do need an occasional smack. I was smacked as a child. I was also brought up in a loving home where I genuinely felt safe. I didn't turn out a monster. I believe gang violence and youth crime rate rises are a result of this lack of corporal punishment. Children now-a-days are brought up believing they can do whatever they please with absolutely no consequences.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reeks of troll.

i strongly disagree with this point i am under 18 and have a phone I NEED a phone as i use public transport to get to school but anyways here's my opinion on electronics:
6-8 years old toy tablet
10+ "real" tablet
11-13 cheap inexpensive phone (under £200-500)
13+ more expensive phone (only if deserved) and personal computer?

Reply 86

hippieglitter

I am not justifying what your wife did at all, but her mother had just died, her feelings were probably all over the place and would not have reacted that way under normal circumstances, I can understand she felt disrespected by her daughter playing on her phone but what else is there for a 14 year old to do at a funeral? My cousins were tasked with handing out biscuits to keep them occupied at my dads funeral and i couldn't handle it and went to the pub which upset my grandmother. My fiance was nothing but supportive and I even snapped at him a few times. Deaths in the family are hard enough without other drama. Give your wife time to cool down, then talk to her, tell her you understand why she was upset but violence is never the answer, they both need to apologise to each other and your wife should pay for a new phone.

Reply 87

StriderHort

Original post by 1st superstar

I was going to laugh at the idea that you NEED a phone for public transport...but actually i'm seeing more and more ticket-on-mobile deals for transport and admission ect. I suppose we kind of HAVE made them essential.

I still think buying a 11-13 year old thousands of pounds of personal electronics is mental though. When i was a kid if you tried taking a £200-500 anything to school it would be confiscated and not returned till parents came in to explain WTF they were thinking.

Reply 88

1st superstar

Original post by StriderHort

by phone even a flip phone would do doesn't have to be expensive but yeah your 11-16 year old doesn't need the latest iPhone... the street is much more dangerous than it used to be and unfortunately my train gets delayed at least once a week but sometimes up to an hour so my mum gotta know that i am not in school if fact she WANTS to know... but yeah a cheap £30 touchscreen phone is fine for a 11-13 year old.

Reply 89

1st superstar

Original post by StriderHort

but if not nah i don't need a phone and my ticket isn't digital...

Reply 90

bones-mccoy

I'm the last person to condone violence against a child but seriously??? I was hit as a child, for no reason, and it still affects me to this day. But I would never dream of speaking to either of my parents like that after simply being told to stop doing something - that's the difference. Whilst your wife shouldn't have slapped your daughter it's easy to see why she lost control like that, as the parent who isn't grieving you should be ensuring that your children are well behaved at the funeral. Your wife already has enough on her plate with the loss of a parent.

Your daughter became physical first, but I don't notice you criticising her for that?? Yes, she's a child, but she's 15. She's not a toddler. She knows that you should be respectful at a funeral, don't talk, pay attention. She doesn't need distracting in order to keep quiet like a 4 year old would. From the sounds of your post, you're disapointed with your wife but haven't disciplined your daughter and that's where the problem lies.

Both your wife and daughter need to apologise to each other and explain why they reacted the way they did. It won't be easy but you need to act like a parent rather than pandering to a child. Promising a new phone only undermines your wife and it won't be long until your daughter realises she can play the pair of you off against each other in order to get what she wants. You need be a team and a united front but that's only going to happen if you're reading from the same page/

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 91

black tea

Original post by Anonymous

I don't think it was because of the phone. It was most likely the slap that made her cry. Do you know how it feels to get slapped by your own parent?

Oh please, no one cries because of a slap for a whole day. A slap that was clearly deserved in that situation is not going to scar her for life.

Reply 92

rebeccaxrss

Original post by 1st superstar

you don't "need" a phone lol sounds like addiction, you can always contact through nokia or a burner phone no that deep.

Reply 93

black tea

Original post by 1st superstar

I managed just fine getting public transport to school from the age of 8 without a phone. I didn't get a phone until I was in 6th form (and even then I didn't NEED one).

And I would argue that no one needs a phone that costs over £500.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 94

Anonymous #10

Original post by black tea

I managed just fine getting public transport to school from the age of 8 without a phone. I didn't get a phone until I was in 6th form (end even then I didn't NEED one).

And I would argue that no one needs a phone that costs over £500.

I think you are overcompensating for your dad hitting you that you have lost the plot. A child always needs discipline and know where boundaries are when they are young. I think it is too late to start disciplining at 14. My neighbours have 2 daughters and she does not hit them but does discipline them when they are wrong.

Reply 95

black tea

Original post by Anonymous

I'm guessing you quoted the wrong person but late is better than never. OP's daughter clearly needs discipline if that is how she behaves towards her parents.

Reply 96

1st superstar

Original post by rebeccaxrss

you don't "need" a phone lol sounds like addiction, you can always contact through nokia or a burner phone no that deep.

yeah a nokia will do

Reply 97

1st superstar

Original post by black tea

i completely agree with the fact that no one needs a £500 phone

Reply 98

Anonymous #1

Original post by RandomHumanBeing

Fair, but a respectable parent would wait a few days before talking to your wife about the phone issue so that you could come to a decision later. For all you knew, your wife may have decided that she wanted your daughter to have a phone in a month or so. It's a shame that you made the unilateral decision, whilst neglecting your wife's feelings.

My wife grounded my daughter for 2 months (No TV, no video games, no phone, no friends, no dessert, no parties etc). I think even that is too harsh. Usually we don't ground our kids more than 2 weeks. And I've spoken with my wife about the phone and she agreed. There is really no need let her wait till she is 18.

Original post by Sch7

I know my wife was greiving and I know how sad she is. I also know that my daughter was wrong. But that doesn't mean she should be slapped. Slapping doesn't solve the problem. It only makes it worse.

Yes, she was playing video games at her grandmother's funeral.

Yes, she swore and kicked her mother.

But she's only 14. She might not even know it was wrong to play video games at a funeral. And my wife suddenly took her iPhone 11 and smashed it. It cost $749.

Original post by 1st superstar

My wife grounded her for 2 months.

Original post by 1st superstar

Most teens and children have cell phones. Even my 8-year-old niece has one.

Reply 99

black tea

Original post by Anonymous

But she's only 14. She might not even know it was wrong to play video games at a funeral. And my wife suddenly took her iPhone 11 and smashed it. It cost $749.

No offense, but you have not done a very good job of parenting her if she doesn't realise, at the age of 14 (!!!), that it is wrong to play video games at a funeral.