Boyfriends Christian mother hates me

OP

Original post by Glaz

You try to ignore her. At the end of the day it's her son who's in a relationship with you, not her. She isn't allowed to "break you up" and she shouldn't be interfering in your relationship at all.

Good luck with it :hugs:

but that text?! shes called me his mistress? we're planning on getting married ? we're both 23, and shes being so spiteful? :frown:

Reply 3

username2998742

22

Original post by CleverSquirrel

but that text?! shes called me his mistress? we're planning on getting married ? we're both 23, and shes being so spiteful? :frown:

It sucks dude, I'm not denying that, but escalating the situation with her, however ****ty it is, may not be the best idea. If you can have a calm talk with her patiently asking her what her problem is then that's great, but I don't think that getting angry with her may be a good idea.

At the end of the day, as I said, it's not her relationship and not her business.

:hugs:

Reply 4

theprettyrainbow

13

Honestly, there's really nothing you can do at this point to change her mind. Maybe unless you use scripture to try and justify your relationship with her son. I guess she just doesn't want her son dating non-Christians cause it does say so in the bible. Just like Glaz said, at the end of the day, it is your relationship!

Reply 5

Original post by CleverSquirrel

So I have an issue- My boyfriend mum hates my guts. I don’t know why but she just hates me.

Hes Christian, and his mum is like 100% devoted Christian. I am not Christian. We’ve been dating a year and 7 months now. i have gone to church with him too, i repsect his faith, ive never been disrespectful

Ive always been nice to her and only recently I found out she hates me- like a lot- and for a long time too

Shes tried her best to break us up and keep bugging my bf to break up with me. Which has lead my boyf being very hostile towards his mum and its ruining their already impaired relationship, and making it worse- he’s wanting to move out asap because of her behavior and she’s blaming me for it

I am not joking, this is 100% copied word for word – this is the text she sends him a few hours ago
(he sent me screenshots)

‘when the lord wants our attention, he can ensure we are totally alone (and for however long it takes) so we get to a place where he is central and all and then we have to be very careful what and who we plant in our lives. I have been told it is a gift. Spiritualists in the old testament were put to death. They want everything you have, your spirit, your soul, your lift, your stuff for themselves.
I asked the lord about Hazel etc and the passage when Jesus was being tempted in the wilderness came and do not put the lord, your God to the test.

I have suffered and am fully recovering from not knowing and thinking all was okay and not having my amour on each day. Hazel doesn’t not care whatever she says and the rest of my immediate family want everything good about you. Proverbs says the wise see danger and avoid it.
I know you are lonely and the lord knows turn to him to sort your life out. He has the best even if you need to be patient work on (ask the lord how) making yourself a better person (you will attract better people) and not just pleasing others. As soon as he married the mistress/secret partner there was a vacancy for a mistress/secret partner!

And when that was filled there was adultery. Not saying (My name) would do that but pray and listen to what the lord says’

First of all wtf? And who the f*ck does she think she is? She hated his ex, shes told me this herself and tried to break them up- and now shes onto me?

He is very angry about this and how she is towards me, i am too

Now im seeing her on Friday- I know she hates me, she acts lovely in front of me. How do I approach this? Do I mention this? What do I do?

Speaking from both a Christian perspective and from a position of having a Christian mother being unaccepting of my own partner I can somewhat relate. Christian doctrine says that Christians should only marry other Christians. As a spiritualist you would not fit this requirement thus she is likely concerned for the spiritual welfare of her son. However, the comments about you wanting his soul, possessions etc, are out of form and she certainly shouldn’t be trying to justify hatred using the Old Testament

Reply 6

Mollypage21

11

Original post by CleverSquirrel

So I have an issue- My boyfriend mum hates my guts. I don’t know why but she just hates me.

Hes Christian, and his mum is like 100% devoted Christian. I am not Christian. We’ve been dating a year and 7 months now. i have gone to church with him too, i repsect his faith, ive never been disrespectful

Ive always been nice to her and only recently I found out she hates me- like a lot- and for a long time too

Shes tried her best to break us up and keep bugging my bf to break up with me. Which has lead my boyf being very hostile towards his mum and its ruining their already impaired relationship, and making it worse- he’s wanting to move out asap because of her behavior and she’s blaming me for it

I am not joking, this is 100% copied word for word – this is the text she sends him a few hours ago
(he sent me screenshots)

‘when the lord wants our attention, he can ensure we are totally alone (and for however long it takes) so we get to a place where he is central and all and then we have to be very careful what and who we plant in our lives. I have been told it is a gift. Spiritualists in the old testament were put to death. They want everything you have, your spirit, your soul, your lift, your stuff for themselves.
I asked the lord about Hazel etc and the passage when Jesus was being tempted in the wilderness came and do not put the lord, your God to the test.

I have suffered and am fully recovering from not knowing and thinking all was okay and not having my amour on each day. Hazel doesn’t not care whatever she says and the rest of my immediate family want everything good about you. Proverbs says the wise see danger and avoid it.
I know you are lonely and the lord knows turn to him to sort your life out. He has the best even if you need to be patient work on (ask the lord how) making yourself a better person (you will attract better people) and not just pleasing others. As soon as he married the mistress/secret partner there was a vacancy for a mistress/secret partner!

And when that was filled there was adultery. Not saying (My name) would do that but pray and listen to what the lord says’

First of all wtf? And who the f*ck does she think she is? She hated his ex, shes told me this herself and tried to break them up- and now shes onto me?

He is very angry about this and how she is towards me, i am too

Now im seeing her on Friday- I know she hates me, she acts lovely in front of me. How do I approach this? Do I mention this? What do I do?

You can approach the subject, however don’t do it angrily, just try and make it okay with her somehow? Bring it up with both her and your boyfriend in the room?

Otherwise I wouldn’t worry so much, you haven’t done anything wrong, just be civil with her, you don’t have to like her, as long as you and your boyfriend are okay in your relationship then all is good.

Whichever way you go about it I hope it goes okay! Wishing you luck 😊

Reply 7

OP

im seeing her on friday as im going around to his for the day- i dont know what to do considering i know how she feels towards me now :frown:

im a really passive aggressive person - idk how to handle this

im sorry you relate- it shouldnt be like this at alll :frown:

Reply 8

Ciel.

Original post by CleverSquirrel

So I have an issue- My boyfriend mum hates my guts. I don’t know why but she just hates me.

Hes Christian, and his mum is like 100% devoted Christian. I am not Christian. We’ve been dating a year and 7 months now. i have gone to church with him too, i repsect his faith, ive never been disrespectful

Ive always been nice to her and only recently I found out she hates me- like a lot- and for a long time too

Shes tried her best to break us up and keep bugging my bf to break up with me. Which has lead my boyf being very hostile towards his mum and its ruining their already impaired relationship, and making it worse- he’s wanting to move out asap because of her behavior and she’s blaming me for it

I am not joking, this is 100% copied word for word – this is the text she sends him a few hours ago
(he sent me screenshots)

‘when the lord wants our attention, he can ensure we are totally alone (and for however long it takes) so we get to a place where he is central and all and then we have to be very careful what and who we plant in our lives. I have been told it is a gift. Spiritualists in the old testament were put to death. They want everything you have, your spirit, your soul, your lift, your stuff for themselves.
I asked the lord about Hazel etc and the passage when Jesus was being tempted in the wilderness came and do not put the lord, your God to the test.

I have suffered and am fully recovering from not knowing and thinking all was okay and not having my amour on each day. Hazel doesn’t not care whatever she says and the rest of my immediate family want everything good about you. Proverbs says the wise see danger and avoid it.
I know you are lonely and the lord knows turn to him to sort your life out. He has the best even if you need to be patient work on (ask the lord how) making yourself a better person (you will attract better people) and not just pleasing others. As soon as he married the mistress/secret partner there was a vacancy for a mistress/secret partner!

And when that was filled there was adultery. Not saying (My name) would do that but pray and listen to what the lord says’

First of all wtf? And who the f*ck does she think she is? She hated his ex, shes told me this herself and tried to break them up- and now shes onto me?

He is very angry about this and how she is towards me, i am too

Now im seeing her on Friday- I know she hates me, she acts lovely in front of me. How do I approach this? Do I mention this? What do I do?

i can relate, my bf's mother is a crazy ***** too, and she hates me (but because i'm not a woman, not for religious reasons). the only thing you can do is ignore her. that's what i do. i don't go to most of his family gatherings (only the major ones, if he insists) because i always end up fighting with her. she doesn't visit us at all anymore. your bf needs to step in too, and tell her what he thinks, support you - if he hasn't done that already.

Reply 9

Original post by CleverSquirrel

im seeing her on friday as im going around to his for the day- i dont know what to do considering i know how she feels towards me now :frown:

im a really passive aggressive person - idk how to handle this

im sorry you relate- it shouldnt be like this at alll :frown:

It sounds as if the mother is a born again Christian, as I am. She is in the wrong to hate you, as Jesus taught his disciples to love others and behave towards them as they would like others to behave torwards them.

Ironically, I could suggest “out-Christianing” her. Be graceful, polite and loving. Do not show animosity.

Reply 10

OP

how do i out christian her?

Reply 11

Original post by CleverSquirrel

how do i out christian her?

Continue to be as polite, nice and respectful as you hopefully are being. Resist the urge to make any passive aggressive or mean comments. If you want to be extra graceful you can get her a gift and a card, positive actions nearly always override misconceptions

Reply 12

OP

she called me his mistress :frown:

i cant get over that comment

i got her flowers for mothers day....

Reply 13

Original post by CleverSquirrel

she called me his mistress :frown:

i cant get over that comment

i got her flowers for mothers day....

She has an awful attitude towards you and I’m sorry for that. If it’s any consolation my girlfriend (I’m LGBT) sent my mother a lovely Christmas card and in return got called mentally deficient so it could be worse.

Reply 14

Wired_1800

20

Original post by CleverSquirrel

So I have an issue- My boyfriend mum hates my guts. I don’t know why but she just hates me.

Hes Christian, and his mum is like 100% devoted Christian. I am not Christian. We’ve been dating a year and 7 months now. i have gone to church with him too, i repsect his faith, ive never been disrespectful

Ive always been nice to her and only recently I found out she hates me- like a lot- and for a long time too

Shes tried her best to break us up and keep bugging my bf to break up with me. Which has lead my boyf being very hostile towards his mum and its ruining their already impaired relationship, and making it worse- he’s wanting to move out asap because of her behavior and she’s blaming me for it

I am not joking, this is 100% copied word for word – this is the text she sends him a few hours ago
(he sent me screenshots)

‘when the lord wants our attention, he can ensure we are totally alone (and for however long it takes) so we get to a place where he is central and all and then we have to be very careful what and who we plant in our lives. I have been told it is a gift. Spiritualists in the old testament were put to death. They want everything you have, your spirit, your soul, your lift, your stuff for themselves.
I asked the lord about Hazel etc and the passage when Jesus was being tempted in the wilderness came and do not put the lord, your God to the test.

I have suffered and am fully recovering from not knowing and thinking all was okay and not having my amour on each day. Hazel doesn’t not care whatever she says and the rest of my immediate family want everything good about you. Proverbs says the wise see danger and avoid it.
I know you are lonely and the lord knows turn to him to sort your life out. He has the best even if you need to be patient work on (ask the lord how) making yourself a better person (you will attract better people) and not just pleasing others. As soon as he married the mistress/secret partner there was a vacancy for a mistress/secret partner!

And when that was filled there was adultery. Not saying (My name) would do that but pray and listen to what the lord says’

First of all wtf? And who the f*ck does she think she is? She hated his ex, shes told me this herself and tried to break them up- and now shes onto me?

He is very angry about this and how she is towards me, i am too

Now im seeing her on Friday- I know she hates me, she acts lovely in front of me. How do I approach this? Do I mention this? What do I do?

@londonmyst any advice

Reply 15

Wired_1800

20

Original post by CleverSquirrel

So I have an issue- My boyfriend mum hates my guts. I don’t know why but she just hates me.

Hes Christian, and his mum is like 100% devoted Christian. I am not Christian. We’ve been dating a year and 7 months now. i have gone to church with him too, i repsect his faith, ive never been disrespectful

Ive always been nice to her and only recently I found out she hates me- like a lot- and for a long time too

Shes tried her best to break us up and keep bugging my bf to break up with me. Which has lead my boyf being very hostile towards his mum and its ruining their already impaired relationship, and making it worse- he’s wanting to move out asap because of her behavior and she’s blaming me for it

I am not joking, this is 100% copied word for word – this is the text she sends him a few hours ago
(he sent me screenshots)

‘when the lord wants our attention, he can ensure we are totally alone (and for however long it takes) so we get to a place where he is central and all and then we have to be very careful what and who we plant in our lives. I have been told it is a gift. Spiritualists in the old testament were put to death. They want everything you have, your spirit, your soul, your lift, your stuff for themselves.
I asked the lord about Hazel etc and the passage when Jesus was being tempted in the wilderness came and do not put the lord, your God to the test.

I have suffered and am fully recovering from not knowing and thinking all was okay and not having my amour on each day. Hazel doesn’t not care whatever she says and the rest of my immediate family want everything good about you. Proverbs says the wise see danger and avoid it.
I know you are lonely and the lord knows turn to him to sort your life out. He has the best even if you need to be patient work on (ask the lord how) making yourself a better person (you will attract better people) and not just pleasing others. As soon as he married the mistress/secret partner there was a vacancy for a mistress/secret partner!

And when that was filled there was adultery. Not saying (My name) would do that but pray and listen to what the lord says’

First of all wtf? And who the f*ck does she think she is? She hated his ex, shes told me this herself and tried to break them up- and now shes onto me?

He is very angry about this and how she is towards me, i am too

Now im seeing her on Friday- I know she hates me, she acts lovely in front of me. How do I approach this? Do I mention this? What do I do?

She is probably concerned that you may lead him astray.

As a non-Christian, you may not believe in what he does, so his mother may want someone who shares his belief system.

Reply 16

OP

Original post by Wired_1800

She is probably concerned that you may lead him astray.

As a non-Christian, you may not believe in what he does, so his mother may want someone who shares his belief system.

but why try and turn him against me?? be disrespectful towards me? calling me names? that too over a year after knowing me? ive gone to church with him - i encourage him to go church more and pray more?

His relationship with his mum has been crap since he was a child - ive been trying to get them closer but hes just gotten more and more hostile towards her than ever before.
i know Christians are taught to be all loving and accepting- his dad adores me- as does the rest of his family (his mum and dad are divorced- his dads side of the family loves me, its just his mum

Reply 17

Wired_1800

20

Original post by CleverSquirrel

but why try and turn him against me?? be disrespectful towards me? calling me names? that too over a year after knowing me? ive gone to church with him - i encourage him to go church more and pray more?

His relationship with his mum has been crap since he was a child - ive been trying to get them closer but hes just gotten more and more hostile towards her than ever before.
i know Christians are taught to be all loving and accepting- his dad adores me- as does the rest of his family (his mum and dad are divorced- his dads side of the family loves me, its just his mum

I think there are several levels to this situation.

1. mother & son bond sees any woman close to her son as a threat that needs to be eliminated

2. religion increases issues that she would want her son to be with someone in the same faith. This is also present with Jewish mothers and Muslim mothers.

3. Probably cultural differences. If you are more “progressive”, she may want her son to be with a “conservative” girl.

I agree that she should not be this vicious to you, but I think you should try to befriend her to break down the walls or alleviate her fears.

Reply 18

Joleee

19

if it makes you feel better, she'd probably find a way to not like you even if you were a christian. competition between mothers and the their son's girlfriends is not uncommon; why do you think there's like a million movies/tv shows on it? have you seen the movie Monster-in-Law featuring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda?

i think you need to think worst case scenario: you may never have a close relationship with your mother-in-law; you have to be okay with that, especially if you plan on marrying him. are you engaged yet?

why did she hate his ex girlfriend?

Reply 19

OP