My wife slapped my daughter?

I'm a 44-year-old white man married with 4 kids. My daughter is my youngest and she turned 14 two weeks ago (on December 23).

My mother-in-law passed away a few days ago and we were at the funeral today. When everyone was greiving, I noticed my daughter playing Modern Combat on her phone. My wife saw her playing and told her to put the phone away but she just said "whatever" and continued to play.

A few minutes later, she noticed my daughter was still playing on her phone. In front of everybody, she pulled my daughter's phone out of her hands and smashed it. My daughter started screaming. I don't remember everything she said, but it included: "You ****ing *****! What the **** are you doing?! I ****ing hate you, go **** yourself!" My daughter then kicked my wife in the leg and my wife lost it and slapped her across the face as hard as she could. I was shocked. 22 years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our eldest son, we made a promise to never use violence against our kids. My father used to beat me for not listening to him or saying something he didn't like. Today I can barely stand the sight of him. Everytime I saw him or heard his voice, those nightmares came back and it took days and sometimes even weeks before I could think about something else. That was the reason I moved out at 18. I couldn't bear it anymore.

Anyway, my daughter started crying and I went to hug and console her. My wife told her that she was a disrespectful spoiled brat, that she will never have a phone until she is 18 and that she was grounded. I understand how hard it is to lose a parent but I just can't believe that she hit our daughter. She broke the promise and I don't know how disappointed I am. And I know my daughter was wrong but no matter what she did, I would never have raised a hand against her. As someone who was beaten by his father for 18 years, I know how much damage violence and abuse can do to a child.

My daughter cried for the whole car ride and even after we came home. She went upstairs to her room and I followed her. I tried to comfort her. I told her that she will get a new phone on her 15th birthday (which is in December) and that what her mother did was wrong and that she is sorry. But my daughter said she hates her mother and that she will never forgive her. About half an hour later, I had a talk with my wife and she said: "I'm done with that apathetic heartless disrespectful brat. I can't handle her anymore."

I don't know what to do. They don't even talk to each other and I'm serious. I need help because I don't want them to hate or dislike each other. I want to fix their relationship.

My wife grounded my daughter for 2 months (No TV, no video games, no phone, no friends, no dessert, no parties etc). I think even that is too harsh. Usually we don't ground our kids more than 2 weeks. And I've spoken with my wife about the phone and she agreed. There is really no need let her wait till she is 18.

I know my wife was greiving and I know how sad she is. I also know that my daughter was wrong. But that doesn't mean she should be slapped. Slapping doesn't solve the problem. It only makes it worse.

Yes, she was playing video games at her grandmother's funeral.

Yes, she swore and kicked her mother.

But she's only 14. She might not even know it was wrong to play video games at a funeral. And my wife suddenly took her iPhone 11 and smashed it. It cost $749.

My wife grounded her for 2 months.


Most teens and children have cell phones. Even my 8-year-old niece has one.

I'm a 44-year-old white man married with 4 kids. My daughter is my youngest and she turned 14 two weeks ago (on December 23).

My mother-in-law passed away a few days ago and we were at the funeral today. When everyone was greiving, I noticed my daughter playing Modern Combat on her phone. My wife saw her playing and told her to put the phone away but she just said "whatever" and continued to play.

A few minutes later, she noticed my daughter was still playing on her phone. In front of everybody, she pulled my daughter's phone out of her hands and smashed it. My daughter started screaming. I don't remember everything she said, but it included: "You ****ing *****! What the **** are you doing?! I ****ing hate you, go **** yourself!" My daughter then kicked my wife in the leg and my wife lost it and slapped her across the face as hard as she could. I was shocked. 22 years ago, when my wife was pregnant with our eldest son, we made a promise to never use violence against our kids. My father used to beat me for not listening to him or saying something he didn't like. Today I can barely stand the sight of him. Everytime I saw him or heard his voice, those nightmares came back and it took days and sometimes even weeks before I could think about something else. That was the reason I moved out at 18. I couldn't bear it anymore.

Anyway, my daughter started crying and I went to hug and console her. My wife told her that she was a disrespectful spoiled brat, that she will never have a phone until she is 18 and that she was grounded. I understand how hard it is to lose a parent but I just can't believe that she hit our daughter. She broke the promise and I don't know how disappointed I am. And I know my daughter was wrong but no matter what she did, I would never have raised a hand against her. As someone who was beaten by his father for 18 years, I know how much damage violence and abuse can do to a child.

My daughter cried for the whole car ride and even after we came home. She went upstairs to her room and I followed her. I tried to comfort her. I told her that she will get a new phone on her 15th birthday (which is in December) and that what her mother did was wrong and that she is sorry. But my daughter said she hates her mother and that she will never forgive her. About half an hour later, I had a talk with my wife and she said: "I'm done with that apathetic heartless disrespectful brat. I can't handle her anymore."

I don't know what to do. They don't even talk to each other and I'm serious. I need help because I don't want them to hate or dislike each other. I want to fix their relationship.

I think she done the wrong thing but had the right intentions.. I mean, look at your daughters' behaviour. At a funeral, playing a game infront of everyone. And when a parent commands their child to do something as simple as "put your phone away".. The child should put their phone away.. That's what I do.
The problem is, no offence, your parenting. You have allowed your child to get to this point where she is randomly yelling and cussing at a funeral. You shouldn't then promise her that you'll buy her a new phone. This will make her think that's it's acceptable for her to behave that way as you suddenly jumped to comfort her instead of telling her what she did wrong. You should give your daughter a large and harsh punishment (no violence needed) to make her feel how badly she behaved.

Plus why can't you say "our daughter"??

Yes, either a troll or intellectually-challenged.

'only 14' is not a damn excuse. my siblings are 8 and 11, and they wouldnt dare kick their parents or play a game at a funeral, regardless of who's funeral it is. and your 8 y/o neice has a phone? i see spoiling your children unecessarily is a family thing. kids shouldnt get a phone until they need to, which is when they start secondary school in my opinion and actually need to start forming connections in the real world. games on a phone is a bloody bonus. i dont think ive had any games downloaded on my phone since i was 13

This is what happens when you try to be a friend instead of a parent. Your daughter disrespected her mother and physically assaulted her on the worst day of your wife's life, and you are bothered about a slap.

There is a huge difference between discipline and abuse, you sound like you have veered along way off track towards bringing a respectful person into the world.

God, this is still dragging on? Why hasn't she left home yet?

your daughter sounds a bit bratty. Your wife hitting her probably wasn't the best way to discipline her but she was caught up in emotion of her mum dying and her daughter being quite frankly disrespectful. Your daughter definitely wants a phone and not getting her one is going to cut off her social circle through social media but teaching her when to use it will greatly help your situation

Fine, I'm not thinking about it actually. What's done is done. There is no need to bother about that anymore.

Why is a 44 year old man on The Student Room? The STUDENT Room..

It's open to parents also. Also there are plenty of middle aged students! Why hes sharing this story on here is a little strange, I grant you.

Because he's probably trolling with it.

18? My niece is 8 and she got her first phone at 7!


I agree!


No she did not deserve to be slapped. I'm not really blaming my wife either. I'm just disagree with her hitting my daughter. And I know my daughter was wrong and I will discipline her. She's grounded for 2 months and she won't get a phone before December.


She's 14.


Waiting till a child is 18 isn't necessary. But I see your point.

'only 14' is not a damn excuse. my siblings are 8 and 11, and they wouldnt dare kick their parents or play a game at a funeral, regardless of who's funeral it is. and your 8 y/o neice has a phone? i see spoiling your children unecessarily is a family thing. kids shouldnt get a phone until they need to, which is when they start secondary school in my opinion and actually need to start forming connections in the real world. games on a phone is a bloody bonus. i dont think ive had any games downloaded on my phone since i was 13

wait.... why did you have to mention that you were white??