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Is this normal or toxic?

I’ve noticed how toxic my parents are etc. They always talk about me and I try my hardest to be the perfect daughter. Whether I’m with them or not, they’ll always talk about me, patronise me and just point out every flaw I have. Now that’s understandable, I honestly don’t mind that. It’s a typical desi trait of parents but I always noticed how I get shouted and screamed at for the most minuscule things.
For example, just a few days ago I forgot to put the bins out in the morning bc I was shattered from studying all night and got about 3-4 hours of sleep and as soon as I come home, I get shouted at so badly. My mum even told me to pack my bags and go because I’m an excuse of a daughter. And when I was about to eat, I was told that I shouldn’t eat ‘her food.’ I was so shocked as to why and how my mother would say this to me. This is only an example from this week.

This is becoming very unbearable for me and there’s no way out. I’m not even allowed to move out for university, and I’m a dentistry applicant and the fact that the course itself is so competitive, I kinda have to take upon whatever offer I receive, but I’m expected to commute.

Just today, I was upstairs revising and I hear my mother and father talking about me and how kids are a waste of time. I’m barely even in their way as most of my time is spent at school (hence why I genuinely love school because it’s the only place away from them and with people who I really do love) or revising, yet when I am downstairs, I get shouted at so badly, but when I’m upstairs trying to avoid them I get shouted at to go downstairs.
This is an issue I’ve been dealing with since the age of 13, but I always had some sort of hope that it would somehow improve over the years, as I grow older. But it’s safe to say, it’s only gotten worse.
What exactly am I supposed to do here? The only way I’ll ever be away from them is when I get married. (Which is not a possibility at the moment for years).
Your parents are not going to break the cycle.
But you can.
You can leave, end all contact and choose your own future life.
Do you want your daughter to make a similar post on TSR about her maternal grandparents and father- in 20 years time.

I escaped as an 18 year old and will never go back.
You will have a student loan, access to a student overdraft and maybe credit cards.
Over the last six years, I have done my undergrad and multiple postgrads- without any parental assistance.
You can too.
Good luck! :smile:
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by londonmyst
Your parents are not going to break the cycle.
But you can.
You can leave, end all contact and choose your own future life.
Do you want your daughter to make a similar post on TSR about her maternal grandparents and father- in 20 years time.

I escaped as an 18 year old and will never go back.
You will have a student loan, access to a student overdraft and maybe credit cards.
Over the last six years, I have done my undergrad and multiple postgrads- without any parental assistance.
You can too.
Good luck! :smile:


Unfortunately I cannot do so. I’m unable to run away etc. It’s actually impossible. It’s against my religion and morals and I’ll have no one to turn to because my extended family would also begin to hate me.
Original post by Anonymous
Unfortunately I cannot do so. I’m unable to run away etc. It’s actually impossible. It’s against my religion and morals and I’ll have no one to turn to because my extended family would also begin to hate me.

If you don't change your situation, the situation will remain the same.
Behaviour that has been going on for many years is not going to suddenly stop, unless drastic change occurs.

My friend has almost identical beliefs to you.
She's a 25 year old fundamentalist christian whose mother wanted a son, hates only having a daughter and is horrifyingly violent towards her.
My friend's religious beliefs and church leadership teach that children must always obey their parents, the father automatically rules the entire family and she can only leave her father's home upon marriage- to a fundamentalist christian male that her father gives consent for her to marry.

My friend has been hospitalised on multiple occasions after being attacked with the kitchen knives, brutally beaten from the time she was a small child and is regularly made to sleep in a freezing cold garage with her dog for weeks (no electricity, water or toilet facilities).
So many friends have offered her a free place to sat in the uk or to pay to fly her over to live with them abroad.
But she always turns all offers down and continues to suffer appalling cruelty at her mother's hands.
She just won't make any effort to save herself from being trapped in a miserable life of horrifying abuse and suffering.

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