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Men definitely aren't trash. I think you were just unfortunate enough to come across the wrong type of men. So yes I guess a few men are trash but definitely not the majority. Of course I'm basing my views on my own experience with men. I was lucky enough to come across a lot of kind-hearted men. Quoting Cher: "a man isn't a necessity, a man is a luxury" 
Most men are trash just as most women are trash, as a collective, people generally tend to gravitate towards trashy behaviour.
As for not wanting to be hurt, no one does, but such is life. Life is pain, but you don't get the good times if you refuse to ever feel the bad, only death would absolve you from feeling bad, but this would also prevent you from feeling good.
If you declare that you won't engage deeply with someone because you are afraid to be hurt, fine, but you will never gain the positives either, positives which can make, and does make, billions of peoples lives meaningful.
And yes, just as there are good women who exist, good men exist, but you're displaying great maturity by recognising that many men can be poison for a young woman, and so, as I am sure you will as you sound of good intelligence, you must not allow the trash men to shut you into a lonely cocoon, but instead vet men better, always with the thought of capturing one single man who is as close to perfect as any imperfect man can ever be.
As for not wanting to be hurt, no one does, but such is life. Life is pain, but you don't get the good times if you refuse to ever feel the bad, only death would absolve you from feeling bad, but this would also prevent you from feeling good.
If you declare that you won't engage deeply with someone because you are afraid to be hurt, fine, but you will never gain the positives either, positives which can make, and does make, billions of peoples lives meaningful.
And yes, just as there are good women who exist, good men exist, but you're displaying great maturity by recognising that many men can be poison for a young woman, and so, as I am sure you will as you sound of good intelligence, you must not allow the trash men to shut you into a lonely cocoon, but instead vet men better, always with the thought of capturing one single man who is as close to perfect as any imperfect man can ever be.
(edited 4 years ago)
There are more reasons to stay single and engage with people on a superficial level than there is to be involved with people. Both men and women are trash because everyone's out for themselves because you have to be. The only way to survive it and have a good time is to focus on yourself only and no one else. I don't ever get deeply involved with anyone, men or women. All my relationships are superficial and I am at the point now where I can fake feelings so well that I don't ever have to be worried about getting too deep with anyone, friends or otherwise. The only way to be happy is to truly compartmentalise. Trust me. Learn that and you are free and you can watch other people delude themselves over fantasy relationships and friendships.
I agree and disagree with this statement but I won’t want to call guys who display toxic behaviours as men but boys. I feel like some of the girls who go around saying this statement are trash themselves or always go for the wrong guy. Girls can be trash school just from hearing the stories from my friends go to an all girl school. Having said that tho I see why people say men are trash but I think more people should say ‘some boys are trash’ instead of ‘men are trash’.
Incredible, that may very well be the worst single piece of advice given, maybe ever.
Evading your emotions can only be a short term practice, as it is disastrous in the long term.
A meaningful relationship within which two people, who trust each other and are kind to each other, is one of the most valuable parts of life.
I implore you please disregard your own advice and simply search in higher places for partners, your older self will thank you for it.
Evading your emotions can only be a short term practice, as it is disastrous in the long term.
A meaningful relationship within which two people, who trust each other and are kind to each other, is one of the most valuable parts of life.
I implore you please disregard your own advice and simply search in higher places for partners, your older self will thank you for it.
Regarding your friend issue,you could message their bf and try to get them to admit what they did, ask "why did you lie?" etc. Then send her the screenshots
I’m in a friendship group (I’m female ) with like 50/50 girl boy split and I LOVE the lads in my group so much. They’ve never done anything to even hurt a fly and from my POV they’re usually the ones being hurt by girls 🤷*♀️ I really think it depends who you’re with and talking to but yes my past boyfriends have been absolute nob heads and they do only want one thing in the end no matter how much they denied it. Im also losing faith a little because my mate whom I thought was in a happy relationship for 2 years said it was 2 years of all him wanting was to ‘use her’ but yeah. All my friends who have been in long term relationships have had them broken down due to actions of the man but I do think there is good ones, just few.
Untrue.
It's a lousy joke to make and when said seriously generally indicative of vitriolic misandry.
I have a few friends who really believe it- to the point of yelling in faces and bombarding social media feeds with the phrase prominently included in images/videos.
Most people in the world are reasonable and kind.
An unpleasant few cause a lot of trouble for everyone else.
All groups contain some bad apples- male and female.
Bullies, creeps, pervs, thugs, criminals, vicious liars and other nasty weirdos.
It's a lousy joke to make and when said seriously generally indicative of vitriolic misandry.
I have a few friends who really believe it- to the point of yelling in faces and bombarding social media feeds with the phrase prominently included in images/videos.
Most people in the world are reasonable and kind.
An unpleasant few cause a lot of trouble for everyone else.
All groups contain some bad apples- male and female.
Bullies, creeps, pervs, thugs, criminals, vicious liars and other nasty weirdos.
I would say that it was very harsh to say all men are trash.
Like everything else men and women alike, you always get a few rotten apples.
Like everything else men and women alike, you always get a few rotten apples.
Original post by feeler3511
Incredible, that may very well be the worst single piece of advice given, maybe ever.
Evading your emotions can only be a short term practice, as it is disastrous in the long term.
A meaningful relationship within which two people, who trust each other and are kind to each other, is one of the most valuable parts of life.
I implore you please disregard your own advice and simply search in higher places for partners, your older self will thank you for it.
Evading your emotions can only be a short term practice, as it is disastrous in the long term.
A meaningful relationship within which two people, who trust each other and are kind to each other, is one of the most valuable parts of life.
I implore you please disregard your own advice and simply search in higher places for partners, your older self will thank you for it.
It only looks like bad advice to anyone who is under illusion and doesn't see reality as it actually is. People can and will tell you what you want to hear but what they do is often always different.
There is no such thing as a meani gful relationsbip or friendship where 2 people trust each other and are kind to each other. It doesn't exist. That isn't reality it's fantasy and it is a waste of time to go searching for something like that or even regard it as one of the most valuable parts of life. You tell people that and you'll have them searching for eternity for it.
No. Live your life only for yourself, do not get involved with people on anything more than a superficial level and you'll be fine. It is incredibly easy and empowering to compartmentalise and I'm not young. I've been doing it for years and it never affected me ever. It isn't evading emotions, it's redirecting them to reality and acting accordingly. Once you realise that, well your laughing. No one çan trample you down, no one can hurt you, no one can waste your time. You decide exactly where and how your emotions are spent. Take my advice.
If you're happy to be deluded that is entirely your call and if it makes you feel better than by all means continue.
It doesn't get lonely no because I don't actually deny myself any kind of interaction with people. I go with plenty of men superficially and have superficial friends who I see regularly. But I know it is all throwaway and surface level stuff. I keep as much to myself as possible in terms of what kinds of info I reveal to different people and I don't hesitate to alter how I act to fit different people.
It doesn't get lonely no because I don't actually deny myself any kind of interaction with people. I go with plenty of men superficially and have superficial friends who I see regularly. But I know it is all throwaway and surface level stuff. I keep as much to myself as possible in terms of what kinds of info I reveal to different people and I don't hesitate to alter how I act to fit different people.
Thank you for a coherent reply, it's rare.
I disagree with you that meaningful relationships do not exist, and you have very well made out that I am some sort of soppy lurvite who spends his days reading Keats, this is not the case.
It's impossible to convince you that meaningful relationships exist, they are something you either know are true through experience, or you don't believe in because of your poor experiences. However, can you truly say that you have never witnessed two people, man and woman, so perfectly attuned to each other, so devoted to the wishes of the other?
To call even the love of a dear friend immaterial and the stuff of 'fantasy' truly is out of the realms of reality.
Perhaps it is just a clash of experiences.
As for your promotion of self maximisation I entirely agree that life is short and bitter if we allow our selves to make unwise decisions and be swept up by emotion, but a life without friends, without selflessness when regarding a lover, is a life I would not wish to live and it surprises me that anyone can live like that.
I appreciate life is not about happiness and that a pursuit of such a life will be catastrophic, but a loving relationship is a responsibility, and one which, if nurtured and well cared for, can and, yes I will reaffirm, is the bedrock of billions of people's lives.
And I won't even discuss the joy of children.
I disagree with you that meaningful relationships do not exist, and you have very well made out that I am some sort of soppy lurvite who spends his days reading Keats, this is not the case.
It's impossible to convince you that meaningful relationships exist, they are something you either know are true through experience, or you don't believe in because of your poor experiences. However, can you truly say that you have never witnessed two people, man and woman, so perfectly attuned to each other, so devoted to the wishes of the other?
To call even the love of a dear friend immaterial and the stuff of 'fantasy' truly is out of the realms of reality.
Perhaps it is just a clash of experiences.
As for your promotion of self maximisation I entirely agree that life is short and bitter if we allow our selves to make unwise decisions and be swept up by emotion, but a life without friends, without selflessness when regarding a lover, is a life I would not wish to live and it surprises me that anyone can live like that.
I appreciate life is not about happiness and that a pursuit of such a life will be catastrophic, but a loving relationship is a responsibility, and one which, if nurtured and well cared for, can and, yes I will reaffirm, is the bedrock of billions of people's lives.
And I won't even discuss the joy of children.
I am a member of a singles group and I have heard many stories that have made me gasp about toxic females. I could tell you many stories about toxic men, in fact I created an entire TSR thread about it.
It took me ages to find true friendship but the female friends I have are super kind and funny, and they have my back at all times.
As for my kids, I call them my entertainments managers. We have had soo much fun over the years, despite the stress of my being a single mum. Whenever I meet a new man, the elder son vets them and tries to analyse statements they have made "because I am being protective of you, Mum". Of course he is right in the end. So I am a definite advocate of motherhood and relive my kids' childhoods again and again and again.
It took me ages to find true friendship but the female friends I have are super kind and funny, and they have my back at all times.
As for my kids, I call them my entertainments managers. We have had soo much fun over the years, despite the stress of my being a single mum. Whenever I meet a new man, the elder son vets them and tries to analyse statements they have made "because I am being protective of you, Mum". Of course he is right in the end. So I am a definite advocate of motherhood and relive my kids' childhoods again and again and again.
Don't think this applies to just men tbh.
Literally everyone has some form of 'trash' personality trait whether they like it or not. We're not perfect. Even the nicest person you know is probably hiding some kind of dirty secret or undesirable thoughts.
Literally everyone has some form of 'trash' personality trait whether they like it or not. We're not perfect. Even the nicest person you know is probably hiding some kind of dirty secret or undesirable thoughts.
Original post by feeler3511
Thank you for a coherent reply, it's rare.
I disagree with you that meaningful relationships do not exist, and you have very well made out that I am some sort of soppy lurvite who spends his days reading Keats, this is not the case.
It's impossible to convince you that meaningful relationships exist, they are something you either know are true through experience, or you don't believe in because of your poor experiences. However, can you truly say that you have never witnessed two people, man and woman, so perfectly attuned to each other, so devoted to the wishes of the other?
To call even the love of a dear friend immaterial and the stuff of 'fantasy' truly is out of the realms of reality.
Perhaps it is just a clash of experiences.
As for your promotion of self maximisation I entirely agree that life is short and bitter if we allow our selves to make unwise decisions and be swept up by emotion, but a life without friends, without selflessness when regarding a lover, is a life I would not wish to live and it surprises me that anyone can live like that.
I appreciate life is not about happiness and that a pursuit of such a life will be catastrophic, but a loving relationship is a responsibility, and one which, if nurtured and well cared for, can and, yes I will reaffirm, is the bedrock of billions of people's lives.
And I won't even discuss the joy of children.
I disagree with you that meaningful relationships do not exist, and you have very well made out that I am some sort of soppy lurvite who spends his days reading Keats, this is not the case.
It's impossible to convince you that meaningful relationships exist, they are something you either know are true through experience, or you don't believe in because of your poor experiences. However, can you truly say that you have never witnessed two people, man and woman, so perfectly attuned to each other, so devoted to the wishes of the other?
To call even the love of a dear friend immaterial and the stuff of 'fantasy' truly is out of the realms of reality.
Perhaps it is just a clash of experiences.
As for your promotion of self maximisation I entirely agree that life is short and bitter if we allow our selves to make unwise decisions and be swept up by emotion, but a life without friends, without selflessness when regarding a lover, is a life I would not wish to live and it surprises me that anyone can live like that.
I appreciate life is not about happiness and that a pursuit of such a life will be catastrophic, but a loving relationship is a responsibility, and one which, if nurtured and well cared for, can and, yes I will reaffirm, is the bedrock of billions of people's lives.
And I won't even discuss the joy of children.
I like to write coherently and I don't see the need to go tooth and nail with my views as I have had them for a long time and had them reconfirmed many times.
I haven't had poor experiences as such, so I'm not the one who is bitter and empty after having my heart broken for example. I've never been foolish enough to have my heart broke and I yes I feel pity for those that have. I have seen couples who put on a front of devotion but once they are alone the charade ends. Or when they are apart from each other they talk about the other in a negative light. I've seen it over and over and over. Not a one off, and I've been around many people.
I've seen the same for friends too who talk about each other behind backs. Inf act im sure everyone has probabaly seen friends do that. The more you reveal about yourself to a partner or friend, the more you leave yourself open to attack. The more vulnerable you make yourself the higher chance you are to be trampled on. I've seen it. Ive never been there because like I said I'm not foolish enough to. I've seen it too many times to be tricked into it.
Reality is not hearts and flowers and devotion and true love. That's fantasy. That's why fairtales go that way. Reality is hard, harsh, cold, cruel, unfair. People cheat, people lie, people betray, people are out for themselves. It's evident everywhere you look and there's a reason there's more unhappy marriages/relationships than there are happy ones. Why the amount of people who cheat is extremely high. Why the amount of divorces is high.
Those are realitys you can't escape from.
I can and do live in the way you described. I don't have to deal with any of the horrible stuff that people deal with when they start buying into this fantasy.
Have lovers, have friends, have acquaintances but keep them at arms length. That is what I am saying. I don't commit anything to anyone, I act how I need to with the people I'm with and then I go home without baggage. I'm not tied down by anyone or anything.
I won't discuss the joy of children either because I don't have any and have never wanted for them either. It's just one extra but of baggage to carry around.
Is this where the whole J Papi thing came from? 
You always write well, the ideas are easy to perceive.
I agree entirely that even the most fond of lovers will express their gripes with their counterpart with others, they will argue and fight with each other and yes, some will cheat and many will divorce.
But such is life, do you think because a girl doesn't like the tone her boyfriend took with her once that she no longer loves him?
That she wishes to see him destroyed by the information he gave to her in confidence?
Forgetting your gross generalisation that most marriages that do not end in divorce are unhappy, you seem to be totally opposed to vulnerability, certainly being vulnerable is unpleasant, but without it, without opening your inner self to anyone, ever, you will never receive any form of reward from it, you will never feel totally secure with your partner who accepts all of your shortcomings as you accept theirs.
Such relationships do exist and you will never rock my belief as I have been raised by them, have been around them and in them.
Does this fear of vulnerability extend to all parts of your life?
Do you not feel vulnerable in job interviews where you can be rejected?
I know everyone is only out for themselves, I am and adamantly so, yet I still hope for a future of a wife who a care for and protect and children who I adore and provide for.
Without the 'baggage' you refer to (even referring to children as mere baggage) life is empty and once your beauty has gone, those lovers will disappear, and as you never open up to your closest friends, you are left alone, facing the rest of your life, with only yourself to come home to at night, without any of the responsibilities that make life whole.
You cannot extract the good from life if you only consider the pain caused in the worst scenarios.
I agree entirely that even the most fond of lovers will express their gripes with their counterpart with others, they will argue and fight with each other and yes, some will cheat and many will divorce.
But such is life, do you think because a girl doesn't like the tone her boyfriend took with her once that she no longer loves him?
That she wishes to see him destroyed by the information he gave to her in confidence?
Forgetting your gross generalisation that most marriages that do not end in divorce are unhappy, you seem to be totally opposed to vulnerability, certainly being vulnerable is unpleasant, but without it, without opening your inner self to anyone, ever, you will never receive any form of reward from it, you will never feel totally secure with your partner who accepts all of your shortcomings as you accept theirs.
Such relationships do exist and you will never rock my belief as I have been raised by them, have been around them and in them.
Does this fear of vulnerability extend to all parts of your life?
Do you not feel vulnerable in job interviews where you can be rejected?
I know everyone is only out for themselves, I am and adamantly so, yet I still hope for a future of a wife who a care for and protect and children who I adore and provide for.
Without the 'baggage' you refer to (even referring to children as mere baggage) life is empty and once your beauty has gone, those lovers will disappear, and as you never open up to your closest friends, you are left alone, facing the rest of your life, with only yourself to come home to at night, without any of the responsibilities that make life whole.
You cannot extract the good from life if you only consider the pain caused in the worst scenarios.
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