first date, he didn't offer to pay

now before i get loads of people commenting that it's 2020 and men shouldn't have to pay for dates anymore i just wanna say that i know and i'm more than happy to pay my half, i just think it's nice if he offers

so i went on a first date with a guy i met on tinder. we've been speaking a few weeks now and he's quite sweet, goes to the same uni as me. he asked me if i wanted to meet up for lunch and so we did. he also picked the location. when it came to paying i got my purse out as i usually do and he didn't say anything and just let me pay for my food. i was quite surprised as my past dates have always stopped me and offered to pay, in which i always offer to go halves but they usually insist on paying.

what does him not offering to pay mean? i thought maybe he wasn't interested in me but he messaged me when i got home saying he wants a second date. i'm just a bit confused really

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Reply 1

black tea

He is not entitled to pay for you, we live in an equal society. I would be offended if a guy insisted on paying.

Reply 2

1st superstar

Original post by black tea

He is not entitled to pay for you, we live in an equal society. I would be offended if a guy insisted on paying.

agreed however if you read the OP's post you'll see that that it was the MAN who had asked them out (not the OP) so they should have paid their half of the bill (same if let's say the woman asks the man out then the woman should offer to pay for their half of the bill)... but yeah

Reply 3

username4832702

Original post by Anonymous

he asked me if i wanted to meet up for lunch and so we did. he also picked the location.

He asked you out.
He picked the location.
He didn't offer to pay?

In my personal opinion there's 2 things that are okay:

- if the person who asks you out, pays on the first date = ✔️ you can pay on next date.
- if you both go 50/50 ✔️

Edit:
It seems that OP only paid for her half (each paid 50/50). There's no issue there :smile:

OP shouldn't expect her date to pay for her.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 4

username4832702

Original post by 1st superstar

^This

Reply 5

Ðeggs

Did you pay for 100% of the meal, or did you pay for what you ordered and he paid for what he ordered?

Reply 6

1st superstar

Original post by Deggs_14

Did you pay for 100% of the meal, or did you pay for what you ordered and he paid for what he ordered?

seems to me that they paid for 100% of the bill

Reply 7

biisii

He invited you, he should have paid...

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Him not offering to pay doesn't mean anything. Maybe he doesn't have enough money himself to be able to afford to pay for 2 meals. Just because on your past dates the men have all paid, that doesn't automatically mean that if your next date doesn't, it should be strange in any way. Why didn't you offer to pay for his food? This whole "men should pay for the food" is bulls**t.

Reply 9

1st superstar

Original post by Anonymous

wait did you pay for 100% of the food or just your food? if it's just your food then yeah I see no problem with the fact he let you pay for it I guess? but even then...

Reply 10

Ðeggs

Original post by 1st superstar

seems to me that they paid for 100% of the bill

Oh that’s not fair then. If I went on a date I would pay for what I ordered and vice versa. Therefore one person isn’t extorted into paying more if someone orders more expensive food etc

Reply 11

londonmyst

Normal rule is the asker pays or offers to pay.
He never bothered doing either and sounds like a skinflint student.

But still you got off easy paying for your own food and drink.
My worst date the guy forgot his wallet, remembered to bring his mother and I got lumbered paying for everyone. :doh:

He even asked me to lend him some extra cash- after I'd paid the bill for him & myself, his mother's drinks and the staff tip.
Then asked me out again because his mother liked me. :bawling:

Last blind-date I will ever go on.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 12

1st superstar

Original post by Deggs_14

Oh that’s not fair then. If I went on a date I would pay for what I ordered and vice versa. Therefore one person isn’t extorted into paying more if someone orders more expensive food etc

but maybe I seem to be a misunderstanding as it says: "when it came to paying I got my purse out as I usually do and he didn't say anything and just let me pay for my food." meaning the OP only paid for their meal? (if that's the case then I think that they should pay?)

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 13

1st superstar

Original post by Anonymous

agreed

Reply 14

MrMusician95

Did you pay for lunch for both of you or just for yourself? If you just paid for yourself then it doesn't mean anything. I've always had a rule about not paying for an entire first day, especially as a student when you're usually short on money n

Reply 15

1st superstar

Original post by black tea

He is not entitled to pay for you, we live in an equal society. I would be offended if a guy insisted on paying.

but edit now I kinda agree with you looks like the OP only paid for their half of the bill which in that case the boy was right

Reply 16

username5137080

Original post by Anonymous

You’re the one who got your purse out to pay so don’t know why you're shocked that you had to pay

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 17

MrMusician95

Original post by 1st superstar

but edit now I kinda agree with you looks like the OP only paid for their half of the bill which in that case the boy was right

PRSOM

Reply 18

1st superstar

Original post by Ibbx

You’re the one who got your purse out to pay don’t know why you're shocked if you had to pay

but it kinda depends on whether she paid for her own meal or both (if she paid for both then it's unfair). Read mine and 's posts above explaining why