Finding the right one

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#1
So recently I broke up with my girlfriend. She was my first girlfriend and it lasted 6 months. However I noticed that towards the last 2-3 months she didn’t really seem to make much of an effort to talk to me anymore. She always messaged me saying that she has to do something or is busy. Don’t get me wrong towards the beginning she was great at talking and was a pleasure to talk to and was really fun. But after the first few months she didn’t really try to keep the conversation alive and would rely on me to always start talking.

And even when I started the conversation she didn’t really add much to it. I tried talking to her about it and she just says she doesn’t know what to talk about. I have even given her space for a week but it’s the same old.

And just because I am two years older she would call me a pedo. At first we use to joke about it and I didn’t take it seriously but then after a while it just annoyed the hell out of me. Like which girlfriend calls their boy a pedo. Like wth.

Talking to her was just stressful because not only did she lack conversation but she would do things like make offensive jokes. She didn’t really act like how I would like a girl to act. I felt like I was doing all of the work trying to hold it together. Bare in mind I tried having 1 to 1 discussions but she clearly didn’t taken anything away from it.

The pressure and anxiety just got too much and I ended it in the nicest way possible. Explaining the situation. She said that she agreed showing no empathy at all. And then I mentioned how I rlly didn’t want to break up but unfortunately I’m too tired to keep going Over the same thing again and again.

After explaining she did mention how she is also saddened and claimed she was a really bad girlfriend. To make her feel better I said it was my fault too, even tho I’m not really sure if I did anything wrong.

Anyway to put it simply how hard is it to find someone that actually loves you the same amount that you love them or if not more. All I ask is that they are friendly and are always open to talk and keep conversations going. And they are there to support me whenever I need help or comfort me?
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br0323
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#2
Report 9 months ago
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Hi, sorry to hear you went through this. I had a very similar experience, where I felt unwanted/the relationship was not meaningful, or the other person just was not into it,

From what you are saying, and I am only judging from this post as I don’t know you, you didn’t do anything wrong. And even though she acknowledges that she was a bad girlfriend, doesn’t change the fact that she was toxic to you. Maybe she had personal issues which caused her to feel this way, but that doesn’t give her a right to act this way towards you, especially since this relationship was quite short in my opinion.

Now coming back to your last sentence of the post. In my opinion (and please feel free to disagree, but I am currently in a long term healthy and very happy relationship), you should give yourself much more credit and don’t just look for a “nice conversation”! Thats a friend. A significant other is someone who you want to spend your time with, who you are attracted to (not necessarily sexually as there can be non-sexual but romantic relationships, but spiritually), and who makes you happy, makes you confident!

With that being said, this sounds like difficult to find sometimes, and I would agree. It took me AGES to find someone I truly love, and there’s always luck involved. Try to look around people with similar interests, and remind yourself that you need to be treated the way you want to treat others and this goes both ways. If someone doesn’t make you feel good as is toxic, you need to communicate that first, and if it doesn’t work then there is no point wasting energy and mental health over them - just accept the fact that everyone’s different and feel free to meet more people. Once I found someone right for me, it was immediately obvious how my previous bad experience(s) were a waste of time and I realised my self-worth. Or maybe I had to realise that self worth to find that relationship. Very philosophical, but relationships can be like that.

Very sorry for a rant but hope that gives you some insight. Look at this as a learning experience, you will be thankful as now you have learned what did NOT work in a person you are looking for.
Last edited by br0323; 9 months ago
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#3
(Original post by br0323)
Hi, sorry to hear you went through this. I had a very similar experience, where I felt unwanted/the relationship was not meaningful, or the other person just was not into it,

From what you are saying, and I am only judging from this post as I don’t know you, you didn’t do anything wrong. And even though she acknowledges that she was a bad girlfriend, doesn’t change the fact that she was toxic to you. Maybe she had personal issues which caused her to feel this way, but that doesn’t give her a right to act this way towards you, especially since this relationship was quite short in my opinion.

Now coming back to your last sentence of the post. In my opinion (and please feel free to disagree, but I am currently in a long term healthy and very happy relationship), you should give yourself much more credit and don’t just look for a “nice conversation”! Thats a friend. A significant other is someone who you want to spend your time with, who you are attracted to (not necessarily sexually as there can be non-sexual but romantic relationships, but spiritually), and who makes you happy, makes you confident!

With that being said, this sounds like difficult to find sometimes, and I would agree. It took me AGES to find someone I truly love, and there’s always luck involved. Try to look around people with similar interests, and remind yourself that you need to be treated the way you want to treat others and this goes both ways. If someone doesn’t make you feel good as is toxic, you need to communicate that first, and if it doesn’t work then there is no point wasting energy and mental health over them - just accept the fact that everyone’s different and feel free to meet more people. Once I found someone right for me, it was immediately obvious how my previous bad experience(s) were a waste of time and I realised my self-worth. Or maybe I had to realise that self worth to find that relationship. Very philosophical, but relationships can be like that.

Very sorry for a rant but hope that gives you some insight. Look at this as a learning experience, you will be thankful as now you have learned what did NOT work in a person you are looking for.
Yeah I understand. It makes sense.

Thanks for writing this
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londonmyst
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#4
Report 9 months ago
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Don't worry.
Dating adventures are just that and usually involve a lot of yikes/cringe worthy experiences.
If I told you about some of my worst dates and those of a few friends, you would probably start howling with laughter.

You are guaranteed to meet a lot of girls that are totally wrong for you before you find someone that could be right.
Just keep a sense of humour, listen to your gut instinct and don't lose hope of meeting a potential soulmate.
It is important to learn from every date/relationship and refine your dating dealbreakers- so you know what is most & least compatible with you.
Good luck!
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