Insecure about EVERYTHING!

Watch Sanders Sides, especially "Can Anxiety be good". It will help you contextualise it. Earlier episodes will help you deal with it and later episodes will help you learn how to work with it. Try and separate your rational thoughts from your anxiety-driven ones. You've had one bad day at school, its not the worst thing in the world. Don't let toxic people control your life. Have a conversation with your mum. Does she know how she is making you feel? You can get therapy free on the NHS. You are not a failure and you are not alone. There is always someone you can talk to. You are loved more than you know, trust me. Feel free to reply if you feel you need more help. I'm in college as well and I get what you are feeling.

Stop caring.

Thanks for the recommendation - is it on Netflix? It’s been average, but I have had days, for example back in December I was full of emotions for 5 days, particularly my birthday week when I turned 16. She does but she just says and not to worry and I have spoken with her about it but I don’t think she gets it and didn’t really listen. I told her I wanted to be counselled and she said that’s fine so I was going to go CAMHS, but we found out my well-being hub at school did it, so I got booked two sessions a week but I didn’t turn up at them for the whole of last term as I thought they had forgotten about me, turns out they didn’t because I emailed them saying I wasn’t feeling good and they just out of the blue said turn up on your next session due on Thursday I was amazed at it and now I feel really bad I wasted there time for an hour on those sessions for not turning up. I am a failure and I know it, I just really would like to meet someone nice and be happy. I’ve never thought this but sometimes I wish I would just be together, all my mates are in relationships and I’m not and I really was looking forward to starting college but now I’m really anxious and worried and afraid of it

Hey,
During the last day my anxiety has been terrible, I feel like I’m awful at everything. I’m back at school today and I feel really drained. My anxiety has come back in full force... really hit me. I don’t feel like I’m going to do well at anything and that my whole future will go all wrong. I really was looking forward to starting college in September but now I’m worried again, I’m socially awkward and I want to make new friends, I have a big instinct but I get scared and shy. I’m not as shy as I use to be when I was little. I really want to be in a relationship, but I feel as though my mum has brainwashed that you can’t trust anyone. Also that she’s very religious and I’m hardly and I’ve tried telling her I’m not but she’s not having it and I just want make her and my family proud. I feel like I’m failure as a son and a failure as a person. I just want to have a happy life, I feel like I won’t and I just want to be loved by someone who doesn’t moly cuddle me. Why is life so tough for me?

In the first year of college I used to be like you, man. What helped me to gain confidence in my second year was practicing talking to people I've never met before. See someone you think is really cool? Go talk to them and find out a bit about them. If they ask about you just be true to yourself, and if they don't then you can see that they weren't so cool to begin with (**** em). Little by little you'll end up building solid relationships with people you'd have only passed by anxiously before. I know it sounds too straight forward but just be confident. Confidence is key!

It is on youtube. It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship. You shouldn't start seeking one out until you learn to love yourself. You are worthy of it, y'know. You havn't wasted anyone's time. You are not a failure. Anyway, failure is something that is neede for success. Every failure you have just means you have to learn from it to get the success you need. Every failure means you will earn that success even more. Life is full of pits and peaks. You may be in a pit at the moment but you will inevitabley find yourself at a peak again. Just because you don't get over your anxiety staright away doesn't mean you are a failure either. It does not define you and its something you can't help. Just take it one step at a time. You will find a success, you will eventually be with someone if that is what you want and you may even get over your anxiety eventually. No rush. I believe in you.

I have little self confidence in myself, I’m not sure why but it’s there, I have a low self-esteem as well when it comes to all this. I’m not great at initiating a conversation, and this is where I get embarrassed and people lose confidence in me and I lose it in myself. I want to build relationships with people and I really want to meet someone, I’ve never had an actual relationship before and I’d be so much more happy and confident if I can find that person. However, I don’t think my mum will be happy I’m with someone but I don’t care, I just want to be happy and I’m not having my life controlled by her even though it can be a battle. I struggle to be confident.


If someone loved me back then I would be so happy, my confidence would be a lot better and I feel so better having that person to always talk and love me for who I am. I always feel like I waste people’s time, I’m not sure if it’s a male thing but like it’s not really manly to show emotions? And thank you!!!

"why is life so tough for me?"

that is a question asked by everyone at some point in their lives. it's sad how i (and some others), can relate to that, but you should find some sort of comfort in that. life doesn't begin and end in school.

i know how you feel and what you mean by being drained. i know what you mean about being socially awkward. i know what you mean by feeling alone and feeling as if no one truly understands you.

what i can say is, keep trying again every single day to see the good in life.

there is so much more to life than downhills and rainy days. life will get better, with or without a partner.

what helped me with my social anxiety was internet friends. then i slowly moved to people who i think are cool and simple. i'm not saying i'm social now but at least i can handle a simple event for more than an hour without having a breakdown, like how i usually did. you can do it too. it took me a lot of years to do that, but i did.

you can make your family proud in so, so, so, many other ways. and in your own time. trust me, i know. i have been where you are. it gets better. you don't have to stress yourself in pleasing them after being honest with yourself, about yourself. an argument with them on that one doesn't define you as a failure. i wouldn't agree with the phrase "Blood doesn't make family, love does." because mine betrayed me when i needed them the most. my point is, be ready to forgive them. no matter what. when you can do that, you will be able to see that you are okay and it is not your task to constantly blame yourself for the relationship in your family.

tomorrow, the sun will still set the same way it did today. and it will just be another day. it's okay to fall. it's okay to cry. please don't hurt yourself more because of the weight of the world. it's not worth it and the regret is real, trust me.. there are better ways you can use to find happiness in dark times. whatever path you take, i know it will lead you to good things. you deserve all good things in life and that all will come so so soon. you just have to be alive and well to live through that.

i believe in you. seek help, find support. a lot of people care.

You should never have your happiness based outside yourself, especially in another person. That's a recipe for disaster.

Practice gratitude. You have a lot of positives in your life and it doesn't mean there aren't bad things but you need to be mindful of what you do have.

Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with respect. If you have compassion for those around you then you need to give compassion to yourself.

I’ll be honest, I act happy and smile but that’s just the barrier to how I’m feeling inside...

I am grateful for my family I just wish they’d understand me and listen because my voice isn't heard not very often. I just want to make them happy and not let them down, they don’t even know I’m bi, again I’m too scared as my mum is v religious and my dad... well.... I don’t want to upset him and let him down. I don’t act gay or anything, but I feel they could have suspicions, my mum definitely.

I’m really trying my best, I’m drinking and eating as usual, sleeping ok. Do you think my GP could help?

You can't please everyone. It's about your intentions and your values. If your parents don't accept you due to your sexuality that says far more about them than it does about you.

Sure. If you feel that seeing your GP could help you then it's worth seeing them.

I’ve really had up to here with my mum, all she does it upset me... I just struggle to think how I’ll cope later on in life... alone... my mum not interested in me...
I’m not really sure about my dad, but my mum won’t, she’s made it clear about what she thinks and in the last few years she keeps on making digs at me but they stopped quite some time ago but you do sometimes get the odd; “Stop whinging like a girl, you aren’t gay it’s forbidden”, that only happens when I argue back about her dissing the LGBT community. And I’m not religious, never have been, never will be. I respect that you can follow what you want and I respect she follows something but I don’t like that she’ll disown me if I was to say I don’t want to be part of a religion, even though I never have been as my actual family know I’m not and I never have been.
I’m not sure how my dad would react, I don’t think he’ll react like she would but I feel like I’d disappoint him as it’s not what he would really expect and I don’t want to let him down. But I’m gonna ask my nan when I’m next at hers the following (she’s not religious, she’s my dads mum); “So nan, what would you do if one of us (grandkids) told you we was bi, gay or lesbian, would you like not want to know us?” Something along those lines, idk she may think I’m hiding something but I’m scared in case she will because I love my nan, she’s the best person I know and we always get on. I’ll be gutted if she doesn’t like it or doesn’t accept me

Hi, its ok don't panic. I feel you sound like you're from an asian background. Sometimes mothers can be overbearing and overprotective and sometimes fathers don't do the best of jobs getting you to where you should be. Its not that your family are religious, its more culture rather than religion really, they're not great role models . So! the game plan: You need to start with yourself and start by gaining confidence. You can do this by starting to exercise and gain some muscle. There's a catch 22 going on here, the more your sheltered the weaker you are and the weaker you are is the weaker your parents see you so they shelter you more and belittle you more so you weaken. You need to break the chain and say enough is enough. Gain muscle so you know you can back up the confidence and then once you know you can back it up you'll be able to improvise and practice and practice and it'll stick. Once you've upped your fitness try new things new interests and sports and maybe get a job too. Confidence will come, maybe someone who really loves you will come along, but you have to try.

I’ve really had up to here with my mum, all she does it upset me... I just struggle to think how I’ll cope later on in life... alone... my mum not interested in me...
I’m not really sure about my dad, but my mum won’t, she’s made it clear about what she thinks and in the last few years she keeps on making digs at me but they stopped quite some time ago but you do sometimes get the odd; “Stop whinging like a girl, you aren’t gay it’s forbidden”, that only happens when I argue back about her dissing the LGBT community. And I’m not religious, never have been, never will be. I respect that you can follow what you want and I respect she follows something but I don’t like that she’ll disown me if I was to say I don’t want to be part of a religion, even though I never have been as my actual family know I’m not and I never have been.
I’m not sure how my dad would react, I don’t think he’ll react like she would but I feel like I’d disappoint him as it’s not what he would really expect and I don’t want to let him down. But I’m gonna ask my nan when I’m next at hers the following (she’s not religious, she’s my dads mum); “So nan, what would you do if one of us (grandkids) told you we was bi, gay or lesbian, would you like not want to know us?” Something along those lines, idk she may think I’m hiding something but I’m scared in case she will because I love my nan, she’s the best person I know and we always get on. I’ll be gutted if she doesn’t like it or doesn’t accept me

Not quite there, I’m mixed race, my mums Asian and dad is White British, but I’m not really close to my mums side but very very close to my dads side. My dad tries his best I just don’t want let him down or anyone, I can’t see him expecting it as he often says “wait till you find a nice girl in college!” I’m just like that maybe not happen as I’m closeted being bisexual. I do as much as exercise as I can, I always have done since I was little, it does take my mind off stuff but I want to be able to do as much revision as possible. That’s more important for me at the end of the day, even though I’ll probably fail and my mum will hate me. Yeah, I really want someone I’m that desperate lol, but I’ve kind of been brainwashed by mum that relationships aren’t trustworthy and that you’ll mess everything up, again this is where I struggle as she doesn’t give me confidence, i know she is trying to look out for me but I don’t like that. I think that’s where my social anxiety comes from... if I was to fail my GCSE’s then she just says mean stuff, but my dad says complete opposite that he’ll still love me as they aren’t the end of the world. Same with my nan, just wish my mum wasn’t so strict.