Being used for sex

How do you know the difference between having a boyfriend who is using you for sex, and a boyfriend who isn't using you for sex but has a normal interest in sex?

Reply 1

Drewski

Original post by Anonymous

How do you know the difference between having a boyfriend who is using you for sex, and a boyfriend who isn't using you for sex but has a normal interest in sex?

To be frank, if you can't tell them you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

But we're long distance so it's harder to tell, because obviously if you only see someone once every 2 weeks you're gonna have sex everytime you meet

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

But we're long distance so it's harder to tell, because obviously if you only see someone once every 2 weeks you're gonna have sex everytime you meet

Also we've only been going out for 7 months, so at the start of the relationship there's more interest in sexual activity

Reply 4

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous

But we're long distance so it's harder to tell, because obviously if you only see someone once every 2 weeks you're gonna have sex everytime you meet

No, it's not harder to tell. What else do you do when you meet up?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

No, it's not harder to tell. What else do you do when you meet up?

Well I think it is, seeing each other every other weekend we'll spend 11am sat - 9pm sun together, it's impossible to have sex that whole time, obviously we do other stuff as well. Whereas if we were short distance, if everytime we met up it was short and we had sex, compared to doing other stuff and long meet ups, if would be easy to tell.

Anyway when we meet we'll also go out for a meal, go ice skating, go to the movies, cook together, play computer / board games, just normal stuff, as well as sex and cuddling.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

*it would

Reply 7

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous

Given all that, what made you ask the question in the first place?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

Given all that, what made you ask the question in the first place?

I am still wondering if he only keeps the relationship going for sex though.

Reply 9

Joinedup

Original post by Anonymous

So you enjoy spending time together :unsure:

From the boyfriends point of view when he comes over he's not had sex for 2 weeks and if he doesn't have sex that weekend it'll have been 4 weeks - maybe that wouldn't be a big deal for you but it might be a big deal for him.

Maybe sex is just higher up on his agenda than it is on yours - he might like the going out, gaming together parts of the package too... but he also very very much wants sex to be an integral part of the package.

Reply 10

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous

I am still wondering if he only keeps the relationship going for sex though.

If he was in a relationship for sex more than anything else, why wouldn't he find something closer to home and have it more often than every couple of weeks?

If doing things together and having sex is being used, there's a lot of relationships where someone is being used and they are really enjoying it!

Still not understanding why it's an issue for you...

Reply 11

xoxAngel_Kxox

Do you talk to each other a lot between meet ups? If he's always texting/phoning etc (assuming it's not just phone sex) that's a sign he genuinely cares, and it would be a lot of effort to go to just to get laid once every 2 weeks. Let's face it, he could find someone who lives near him and have sex every day if that's all he was interested in.

Reply 12

PorkBunFun

Ask him, nobody here can answer that question for you but him.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Surnia

That's a good point, he could find someone at his uni and ditch me, but he already has me with minimal effort, he's not the sort to party or go clubbing and most girls would say his personality is better than his looks, it would take effort for him to get a new relationship or regular ons.

Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox

We talk a lot friday/saturday night we don't see each other, have a long conversation and he's very friendly, but every time he turns the conversation sexual and end up dirty talking and he masturbates. Then he'll be friendly the next day, talk a lot, then the rest of the week we'll barely talk, I suddenly noticed this and thought hm.

Original post by Joinedup

So you enjoy spending time together :unsure:

Thank you, that's a good view of it, I mostly miss cuddling and chatting with him more than sex bc I can just please myself easily (sorry to be crude), he said the other day he misses me physically, sexually and emotionally, so perhaps you are right and I shouldn't worry.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by PorkBunFun

Ask him, nobody here can answer that question for you but him.

But it's unlikely he would say yes if he was using me! Because I would leave him. True, only he knows his intentions

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

But it's unlikely he would say yes if he was using me! Because I would leave him. True, only he knows his intentions

Actually thinking about it, I did ask him, he said no I'm not that sort of person relationships are about more than sex

Reply 16

PorkBunFun

Well it might be worth just asking him what he wants because that helps open up a dialogue about it. It's always better to talk out these things to them face to face as it gives you an opportunity to gauge their intentions and feelings.