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Boyfriend money troubles..

My boyfriend owes me a lot of money.. Basically, he sorted us a holiday for my birthday! He told me a week or so before to let me prepare for it. The day before we were meant to go he came crying (literally) that he couldn't pay it. And I said it didn't matter but he insisted we went which was probably a poor idea but it was fun. He tried to do a kind of pay later thing but it didn't work or something (probably his bad credit) so he ended up putting it in my name. I'm still paying this off and he hasn't yet paid any back.. they keep taking about £100 a month from my account and I'm not even sure how much it cost:/ anyway that's not exactly the issue.. my problem is that I've sent him say £1000 (£1400 the first time) on a couple of occasions. Generally because he was sorting out my car insurance for me! But as I was 18 I couldn't get on any policies so two of the times I sent the money it just stayed with him. He had a lot of debt to pay and I allowed him to keep it as he was very upset about it. But when we went on this holiday he was kinda splashing the cash a bit and I was like hmmm that's my money:/ anyway! He also owes me money for a lot of household appliances like half the money for the washing machine and the TV etc, and little bits I've lent him here and there.. so hundreds if not over £1000 on stuff like that as we were furnishing our house. So at this point he owes me a lot of money. I also started to notice he would fill up the car with my card without telling me or spend the odd tenner here and there with no mention of it (using my card) I did mention it but he said he thought I'd get mad and he was going to pay me back. And in all fairness he would give me say £50 on his pay day to put towards if not cover the cost of these things. Also he sent me £75 before I paid for one of our trips away for a few nights. Not loads but it's something! Also he sent me £250 one pay day which is huge! The other thing is that I lent his dad £6000 as he was really struggling. I was reluctant to do so as this was a lot but I hate to see people struggling and thinking they're completely screwed just because of money.. and I couldn't say no anyway, I'd of seemed horrible! He asked my boyfriend (not me) in fact to this day, he has never mentioned it to me.. he said thanks to my boyfriend like it was his money rather than mine:frown: he didn't ask for it all at once, it was £1500 to begin with and then another, then £3000.. He is also yet to start paying me back:frown: it's been 5 months since he said he would start paying me the money back but I guess he's still struggling. I'm just in a predicament because I've been paying the rent every month which is super expensive. But he's just managed to get some help with that so I'm not paying it all now which is so fab!!! But! And this is where it gets worse! I lent him £2000 (and the rest) for a bike as he lost his driving licence. He needed to get to work still so I agreed! I don't know why:frown: he crashed it once as the tyres popped (rubbish bike!) Came home all injured and covered in nettle stings! So he needed new tyres etc. But then he was going to work one morning and the chain came off and he went flying! Poor thing broke his fingers and dislocated his shoulder! He was also concussed. So now he can't work but as previously mentioned the rent is now party covered. I would like to mention that he is not in any way a bad person. He's possibly the sweetest guy you'd ever meet. He's just a massive softy and can't do enough for me. He does literally all the cooking and cleaning. He couldn't physically do any more! He won't let me lift a finger. He's just TERRIBLE with money. He never wants to talk about it! And seemingly neither does his dad. Must run in the family! Anyway. I've been struggling with this for months and never mentioned it to a soul because I just come across as a brainless fool that's too young to know how to handle money! Any and all advice welcome! Thanks!
break up w him he's one expensive boyfriend
Girl I’ve been through this before with my ex, break up with him. He’s using you. You should not be handing your money like that especially that amount to anybody, you earned that. He’s taking advantage of you& if he’s struggling that bad he should be working his ass off to pay debts or whatever it may be just like you are doing!
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Avatar for Surnia
Surnia
20
You should have thought of things like a joint account for paying for household expenses, like rent and white goods and made sure you both paid into it. You've also got issues around money if you don't know how much you're paying back for a holiday and if you still go on 'trips for a few nights' when there's other priorities like keeping a roof over your head! It should have raised red flags that a grown man comes to you for money because can't get it through, say, a bank loan, and who the hell books a holiday they can't afford? Who pays £2000 for a bike when he could pick up one second-hand? Have you gone for top of the range stuff for the house or cheap and cheerful while you get settled? Your boyfriend had a job, he should have been saving and contributing. Is he getting any sick pay? How long before he's back at work?

Time to get tough. Sort out the household account, know your monthly expenses for rent, bills, utilities and food, and set up a joint account for those. Live within your means, so no costly nights out or trips away. Sort out exactly how much each owes you and get father and son to set up a direct debit to get paying you off. If they have to sell stuff to do that, or get loans from elsewhere, so be it; they could have thought of that before you gave them handouts. Speak with the Citizens Advice Bureau so you know your legal rights if things get messy; you don't want to be left massively out of pocket if the relationship goes bad and you should have a contingency plan of where you could move to and what household items are yours that you could take with you if that happens. But don't let them off the hook for paying you.
Original post by Surnia
You should have thought of things like a joint account for paying for household expenses, like rent and white goods and made sure you both paid into it. You've also got issues around money if you don't know how much you're paying back for a holiday and if you still go on 'trips for a few nights' when there's other priorities like keeping a roof over your head! It should have raised red flags that a grown man comes to you for money because can't get it through, say, a bank loan, and who the hell books a holiday they can't afford? Who pays £2000 for a bike when he could pick up one second-hand? Have you gone for top of the range stuff for the house or cheap and cheerful while you get settled? Your boyfriend had a job, he should have been saving and contributing. Is he getting any sick pay? How long before he's back at work?

Time to get tough. Sort out the household account, know your monthly expenses for rent, bills, utilities and food, and set up a joint account for those. Live within your means, so no costly nights out or trips away. Sort out exactly how much each owes you and get father and son to set up a direct debit to get paying you off. If they have to sell stuff to do that, or get loans from elsewhere, so be it; they could have thought of that before you gave them handouts. Speak with the Citizens Advice Bureau so you know your legal rights if things get messy; you don't want to be left massively out of pocket if the relationship goes bad and you should have a contingency plan of where you could move to and what household items are yours that you could take with you if that happens. But don't let them off the hook for paying you.

Thanks for the advice, it's much appreciated. I hadn't thought of a joint account. As for the stuff in the house, it's all mine as he's not paid back any of that so far. I have a list of every little thing he owes me for so I don't forget. Most expensive thing house wise would be the washer dryer. (exciting) Okay so the thing with the holiday is that it was meant to be my birthday present so I didn't know anything about it. But somehow I've now ended up paying.. I asked and he said it's about £600. And don't worry, no trips or nights out have been had in a long while. Last holiday was the one I'm still paying off!! As for the bank loan. He seems to of had a few. He is so obsessed with trying to please people that he will put himself into debt just to do so. His previous loans were to fund presents for family. He just can't handle his expenses. As for sick pay, he's self employed so the only money he's getting is universal credit I think.. And to be fair he's been paying rent now he's got that, finally! He won't be back to work for a good few weeks as his shoulder is still healing. The dad thing is awkward.. bare in mind we've never spoken of him owing me thousands, he didn't even ask me for it, he asked my boyfriend. He never said thanks directly to me even when I've seen him in person but I guess he's just embarrassed. It just winds me up because whenever I've been struggling and my friend has lent me a tenner or £50 say, I've always made it my priority to get them paid off on the next pay day. It just seems no one is doing the same for me! I'll definitely get some advice on where I stand legally.
Everyone's saying 'break up'. Reasonable advice. But if you want it to work... stop giving him money.

He is not growing up, or learning from his mistakes or learning to act responsibly, when you pay for the consequences for his stupidity. He needs to do this himself. I'm hesitant to say this, but if he's willing to change, then if you are willing to 'guide him' and help him learn better habits, then this could still work. You're not his mother though, bear that in mind. You're already doing him a big favor just for putting up with this.

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