The Student Room Group

Intimacy before marriage?

Odd question but I've been really conflicted about it for a while now.

Sex outside of marriage is a sin right...like does it condemn a person to hell if they are intimate with some in this way before wedlock.

I know that lust in the bible is a sin along with sexual immorality.

But is having sex outside of marriage condemning initself? Or do you think God has bigger concerns, especially during these days?
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by я люблю собак
Odd question but I've been really conflicted about it for a while now.

Sex outside of marriage is a sin right...like does it condemn a person to hell if they are intimate with some in this way before wedlock.

I know that lust in the bible is a sin along with sexual immorality.

But is having sex outside of marriage condemning initself? Or do you think God has bigger concerns, especially during these days?


I would ask your priest/rabbi/imam to help you personally to decide rather than TSR - plus, opinions on that may well differ between denominations. I personally don't believe it is, but I'm not Christian (I'm assuming you are) and how you interpret religious texts is your own decision. Good luck :smile:
(edited 3 years ago)
I don't support sexual abstinence until marriage, my mother and maternal grandmother do.
Christ's message was one of love, compassion, forgiveness, mercy and redemption.
Faith is about love, helping others and doing good in the world.
Not being the sex police, puritanical exhibitionism or terrifying people with hateful vitriol or violent invective.
Original post by я люблю собак
Odd question but I've been really conflicted about it for a while now.

Sex outside of marriage is a sin right...like does it condemn a person to hell if they are intimate with some in this way before wedlock.

I know that lust in the bible is a sin along with sexual immorality.

But is having sex outside of marriage condemning initself? Or do you think God has bigger concerns, especially during these days?

I do not believe God exists. I believe the bible was written with several motives in mind, by various people at various points in time. Some of those motives were good, others less so. Some contradict one another.

I think the motive behind making pre-marital sex a 'sin' was social programming: to reduce promiscuity at the societal level by making it taboo. As many studies by now have shown... promiscuity breeds fatherless households, over-stressed single parents, emotionally unavailable parents, which all runs higher risks of damaging the mental development of infants at a level so deep in our psychology that it is almost irreparable in some peoples' cases. Likely, this is a strong underlying factor to rising prevalence of mental illness in our cultures over the past few decades.

I think, that the intent of condemning sex outside or before marriage by calling it a 'sin'... was to avoid such repercussions. Marriage locked people together and made it magnitudes harder to act irresponsibly in this specific fashion. Sex would 'seal' the emotional bond, and this actually works for a lot of people. Marriage back then, created other problems, such as some toxic relationships that were impossible to leave. But I don't know if by dropping these standards we haven't counter-intuitively created even more fertile ground for toxic relationships, by raising a very large fraction of kids (I don't remember the stats) in broken households.

So, if truly, the intent according to what is written in the bible on these topics is to incentivise healthy committed relationships were people genuinely care for one another & their kids... there is more than one way of going about this, if you have the emotional maturity to pull it off on your own terms without needing to be dictated to by societal norms or holy scripts.

In other words, use your own judgement & take responsibility for the consequences. You can have sex before marriage and still be perfectly happy & together & with kids, etc. You can do that even without marriage altogether, provided you hold yourself and one another to your word. And some people fail to do all these things, even in a full marriage that is legally binding.
(edited 3 years ago)
Reply 4
Original post by я люблю собак
Odd question but I've been really conflicted about it for a while now.

Sex outside of marriage is a sin right...like does it condemn a person to hell if they are intimate with some in this way before wedlock.

I know that lust in the bible is a sin along with sexual immorality.

But is having sex outside of marriage condemning initself? Or do you think God has bigger concerns, especially during these days?

In the bible it says that both fornication and adultery are sin before the eyes of God.
Also it says in Proverbs 6:32 that "But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: He that doeth it destroyeth his own soul " . The part where it says "with a woman" doesn't just apply to adultery with women only it also means women who commit adultery with men. the same can be said with fornication.
Hope this helped. If not, you can talk to a leader in your church and also read through the bible to see.
Original post by я люблю собак
Odd question but I've been really conflicted about it for a while now.

Sex outside of marriage is a sin right...like does it condemn a person to hell if they are intimate with some in this way before wedlock.

I know that lust in the bible is a sin along with sexual immorality.

But is having sex outside of marriage condemning initself? Or do you think God has bigger concerns, especially during these days?


God wouldnt really have bigger concerns or concerns at all, he almighty so he cant be busy

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