When would be the best time to apologise to your friends parents.

It kind of sucks, but I think you just need to move on. It would be kind of strange to message his dad about it.

Reply 2

OP

Original post by LovelyMrFox

It kind of sucks, but I think you just need to move on. It would be kind of strange to message his dad about it.

Honestly I dont think I can, I have been sad about not talking to him and his sister since it happened and I am coping with everything else, but its making my anxiety worse because of how worried I am. I have wrote a paragraph i want to message him and I dont understand why it's strange, if I cant message him or his sister, the least I could do is message their dad and apologise / thank him to try and make thing right between us.

Reply 3

Foxehh

Original post by Guest1312

Honestly I dont think I can, I have been sad about not talking to him and his sister since it happened and I am coping with everything else, but its making my anxiety worse because of how worried I am. I have wrote a paragraph i want to message him and I dont understand why it's strange, if I cant message him or his sister, the least I could do is message their dad and apologise / thank him to try and make thing right between us.

Aw Im sorry :frown:

I think it might be a bit awkward to message his dad. It would be better to just let it go and find new people.
His parents most likely wont let you guys hang out / chat anymore, regardless of whether or not you send his dad a message.

Reply 4

squeakysquirrel

Original post by Guest1312

I'm 17 and I'm in an xbox group with people who are all my age, however, just over a week ago, I had a mental breakdown (because of my anxiety) in front of one of my best mates (who is 14) , and he got really emotional about the things I was saying, I repeatedly said "I cant go on any more" , "im done" & "people would be better off without me". He was crying over it and told his parents and he said to me that it would ruin his life if something happened to me ect. Long story short, the day after he messaged me saying his parents dont want us to be friends any more and they made him & his sister block me on everything because of how sad he was and how he is only 14 ( his sister is my age). I found his dad on Facebook and I really want to message him to apologise & make things right but we are not friends on it, however, i really want to do it for my piece of mind & because I cant stop thinking about how I ruined our friendship & I'm worried we wont speak again. Please can someone give me advise?

You need to find friends your own age. Get off the x box as Well and go and do something exercise based. It will help your anxiety.

I don't think anything you can say is going to make the dad change his mind. It is very scary for a parent to see someone threatening self harm which is what you were doing.

We have all said and done stupid things.... honestly. Put it behind you.

Reply 5

OP

Original post by squeakysquirrel

You need to find friends your own age. Get off the x box as Well and go and do something exercise based. It will help your anxiety.

I don't think anything you can say is going to make the dad change his mind. It is very scary for a parent to see someone threatening self harm which is what you were doing.

We have all said and done stupid things.... honestly. Put it behind you.

I do have friends my age, they all are except him. I'm worried about the harm I have done to their family which is why I want to message him. I dont want to change his mind, I just want to message to apologise & try to make things right, if they say that they dont want us to speak again, It would probably still make me feel better because i feel like I'm trying to hold onto a friendship with them that might not happen.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 6

Surnia

Original post by Guest1312

Honestly I dont think I can, I have been sad about not talking to him and his sister since it happened and I am coping with everything else, but its making my anxiety worse because of how worried I am. I have wrote a paragraph i want to message him and I dont understand why it's strange, if I cant message him or his sister, the least I could do is message their dad and apologise / thank him to try and make thing right between us.

When you say 'in front of' was this actually with the 14yo and is he a friend in real life, or just online and you've met him through gaming? And what are you 'thanking' the dad for?

I think if you send a message, you just need to explain what happened and why (your anxiety), and leave it at that. Don't make overtures to try to be friends with the son again; if it happens it happens, but it's not like an argument where you can say things like "it wont happen again" because you don't know that, and I can understand a parent not wanting his children in contact with someone who is older and unpredictable.

Reply 7

Fermion.

Their parents don’t want his son to be friends with you because you were expressing dangerous behaviour. It would be quite strange to message the dad at this point. I would do the same to my child. You should honestly cut your losses and move on and maybe find friends your own age so their parents can’t control who they speak to. He’s 14 so the parents are well within their rights to prohibit their son from speaking to you. I would also speak to your GP and seek help for the things you are experiencing.

Reply 8

OP

Original post by Surnia

When you say 'in front of' was this actually with the 14yo and is he a friend in real life, or just online and you've met him through gaming? And what are you 'thanking' the dad for?

I think if you send a message, you just need to explain what happened and why (your anxiety), and leave it at that. Don't make overtures to try to be friends with the son again; if it happens it happens, but it's not like an argument where you can say things like "it wont happen again" because you don't know that, and I can understand a parent not wanting his children in contact with someone who is older and unpredictable.

I met them last year at a campsite I regularly went to on weekends and since then, we spoke every day and we were really close mates. by breakdown was over the xbox. And i cant see him because he lives about 1 hour away. The message i was going to send him is;

Dear Mr

I would like to message you to apologise & to thank you. I'm really sorry for the situation I put you and your family in. We were such good friends and I forgot the age difference. Secondly, I appreciate he did the right thing by speaking to you. I am receiving a great deal of support from my family, friends & the doctors. I respect your decision in telling us not to be in contact & I fully understand the emotional burden I put them in. I would very much like to remain friends with Billy & meg and if possible, please could you give me a call so we can talk things out and I can apologise properly as I want to try to put this behind us. My phone number is _. Please could you acknowledge this message. I am truly sorry.

Reply 9

squeakysquirrel

Original post by Guest1312

I met them last year at a campsite I regularly went to on weekends and since then, we spoke every day and we were really close mates. by breakdown was over the xbox. And i cant see him because he lives about 1 hour away. The message i was going to send him is;

Dear Mr

I would like to message you to apologise & to thank you. I'm really sorry for the situation I put you and your family in. We were such good friends and I forgot the age difference. Secondly, I appreciate he did the right thing by speaking to you. I am receiving a great deal of support from my family, friends & the doctors. I respect your decision in telling us not to be in contact & I fully understand the emotional burden I put them in. I would very much like to remain friends with Billy & meg and if possible, please could you give me a call so we can talk things out and I can apologise properly as I want to try to put this behind us. My phone number is _. Please could you acknowledge this message. I am truly sorry.

You have been told numerous times to move on. Listen to what people are saying. Your message above asks to remain friends - if this were my 14 year old child, I am sorry but that would be it for me.

I am sorry you feel this way but really there is no way forward on this other than to just drop it

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 10

Mustafa0605

It’s probably best to keep a distance from the parents (online and in the real world) so they forget about you.

Reply 11

uberteknik

Original post by Guest1312

I met them last year at a campsite I regularly went to on weekends and since then, we spoke every day and we were really close mates. by breakdown was over the xbox. And i cant see him because he lives about 1 hour away. The message i was going to send him is;

Dear Mr

I would like to message you to apologise & to thank you. I'm really sorry for the situation I put you and your family in. We were such good friends and I forgot the age difference. Secondly, I appreciate he did the right thing by speaking to you. I am receiving a great deal of support from my family, friends & the doctors. I respect your decision in telling us not to be in contact & I fully understand the emotional burden I put them in. I would very much like to remain friends with Billy & meg and if possible, please could you give me a call so we can talk things out and I can apologise properly as I want to try to put this behind us. My phone number is _. Please could you acknowledge this message. I am truly sorry.

Fourteen is a critical age for adolescent development and any parent would cut off contact to protect their child.

Your own inability to cope has provoked a reaction in their son which also led to break down in him. That screams alarm as no apology will ever mitigate the risk that you will repeat the incident. He is not an emotional crutch.

Worse, if you do end up self harming, your friend will inevitably go through trauma believing it was his fault and his parents will feel guilty for allowing it to happen. He could even end up emulating you.

The stakes and risk for the parents are too great. You are not their responsibility.

Drop it. Move on. If you feel so attached to this pair, think of them and not yourself. Immerse yourself in the love of your own family.

I apologise for being so blunt and wish you the best to overcome your difficulties. Stay safe.

Reply 12

StriderHort

Original post by Guest1312

Dear Mr

I would like to message you to apologise & to thank you. I'm really sorry for the situation I put you and your family in. We were such good friends and I forgot the age difference. Secondly, I appreciate he did the right thing by speaking to you. I am receiving a great deal of support from my family, friends & the doctors. I respect your decision in telling us not to be in contact & I fully understand the emotional burden I put them in. I would very much like to remain friends with Billy & meg and if possible, please could you give me a call so we can talk things out and I can apologise properly as I want to try to put this behind us. My phone number is _. Please could you acknowledge this message. I am truly sorry.

That is sodding terrible. Do not send it :redface:

Reply 13

OP

Original post by StriderHort

That is sodding terrible. Do not send it :redface:

Why is it terrible? If it's better I dont send anything I wont, but why is it terrible?

Reply 14

StriderHort

Original post by Guest1312

Why is it terrible? If it's better I dont send anything I wont, but why is it terrible?

You're trying to talk to him like an equal, you are not.
You're making unreasonable demands on his time (in your circumstances, any demand is unreasonable)
You say you respect his decision then immediately challenge it.
You don't say anything to imply this wouldn't happen again.

I suspect most parents getting that would think 'well i made the right call there'

Reply 15

Surnia

Original post by Guest1312

Why is it terrible? If it's better I dont send anything I wont, but why is it terrible?

It's terrible because some of it is meaningless ('thank you' for what? What does the age difference have to do with you having a serious anxiety attack? What does the support do, as it didn't stop you breaking down and could happen again?), patronising ('I appreciate he did the right thing in speaking to you') and too sycophantic.

Don't send it, especially if you are now getting upset over the friendship of a 14yo; another rejection (from the father) could make things worse and you don't sound as though you have the coping mechanisms for that. You've got other friends your age, concentrate on them.

Reply 16

Reality Check

22

Original post by Guest1312

Why is it terrible? If it's better I dont send anything I wont, but why is it terrible?

I agree with @uberteknik and others who say the same sort of thing. The parent has done what any other parent would in this position and sought to protect their child. It is highly ill-advised to send a message to the father like this, and I would drop the whole thing, try to learn something from the experience and move on.

If you must send him a message, then for god's sake don't send the one you've posted up on here.

Reply 17

Fermion.

Original post by Guest1312

Why is it terrible? If it's better I dont send anything I wont, but why is it terrible?

Are you listening to what people are telling you? If you’re going to go and do your own thing why bother asking? That message was horrible btw, someone else has already explained why.

Reply 18

Reality Check

22

Original post by StriderHort

You're trying to talk to him like an equal, you are not.
You're making unreasonable demands on his time (in your circumstances, any demand is unreasonable)
You say you respect his decision then immediately challenge it.
You don't say anything to imply this wouldn't happen again.

PRSOM

I suspect most parents getting that would think 'well i made the right call there'

precisely.

Reply 19

uberteknik