Someone else's opinion towards a black girl

Hey guys,
I want to prepare myself. I like to rock my afro hair or hair in general but I ALWAYS run into someone who gives me weird compliments that just dont feel right like:

"I LOVE YOUR HAIR today."
"Your other hairstyle from the other day is not nice, I prefer your hair this way."
"Why do you do your hair this way?"
Etc.
I just feel a lot of judgement and I feel like some people (mostly girls) think I'm their doll or something. I'm dressing for me.
These weird compliments aren't even coming from my friends.

I come by as a shy girl, and at the moment I'm working on my self confidence, trying to be comfortable with being me.

I just dont know how to respond to that, I say thank you but it just doesnt feel right. And I get it all the time.
It just ruins my self esteem.

There was a time a colleague asked me oh my gosh why r u rocking your fro and I said " cause I want to" bluntly cause I was fed up by people questioning and judging me all the time.

My colleague was giving rude looks for the whole semester since I said that.

Guyyyssss, what to do????

Thank you

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 1

Foxehh

When people say something about it, tell them how you dont appreciate the comments. Be polite, and make sure they know they didnt do anything too wrong, but just nicely explain how you feel. Most people are probably just trying to be nice, so they will understand if you tell them it makes you uncomftorable.

Reply 2

Tash8790

Aww no bless you I had a friend in secondary who was the same. Personally I wouldn’t worry! I think they are jealous!!! Do what makes you happy! And when they say it just tell them that it’s your hair and you will do what YOU want with it.

Reply 3

avocado25

Original post by Tash8790

Heyy, yeah it's easier said then done, some people take stuff like that personally when you confront them and tell them "it's my hair I can do what I want" . 😭😭

I basically said that to my colleague and she looked at me weird for the whole year even nicknamed me "the afro girl" when she gossips about me to her mates, when I'm right there! 😬😞

Reply 4

avocado25

Original post by LovelyMrFox

Is it possible if I can have an example, and what to exactly say?

Reply 5

Tash8790

Original post by avocado25

Is it possible if I can have an example, and what to exactly say?

Maybe a “listen I’m sorry but I really don’t appreciate your comments, please stop commenting. Please can you not carry on”

Reply 6

Foxehh

Original post by avocado25

Is it possible if I can have an example, and what to exactly say?

Example... Ill try my best :tongue:

So someone walks up to you, someone that you dont know, and they say something like 'nice hair!', or something along those lines. You could say, "Hey, thanks. I appreciate the compliment since it was in the best of intentinos, but it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable when people mention my hair."
Not a big deal, but now you feel in control of the situation. The person also now knows not to make comments on your hair again.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 7

Pinkisk

hmmmm...

I don't think it's right to say we dress for ourselves. Our dress and the way that we wear our hair and the way that we wear makeup sends out messages to others in society. We wear uniforms to help others identify us as being qualified in certain professions or belonging to certain religions and ideologies e.g. police, firemen, doctors, healthcare professionals, shop clerks, bodyguards, soldiers, staff belonging to a certain company, students belonging to a certain college or school, adherents of certain religions, adherents of certain cults and ideologies. We mostly don't dress for ourselves. We mostly dress for other people. Our dress sends out messages to other people in society. We have to take these messages into consideration when assessing the way that people respond to us and also when judging whether or not their response is justified/valid.

People are not used to afro hair in this country. People who wear afro hair draw attention to themselves. This attention should not be negative, but inquisitive, unless of course the hairstyle is not suitable for the environment that you are in, in which case their response may be justified negative. For example I do not think wearing long afro hair is suitable in a surgical theatre for practical reasons. Otherwise a negative response may not be justified.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 8

avocado25

Original post by Pinkisk

Hi, thank you for your response, it will mostly be in a academic area like lectures etc or if I was going to a store

Reply 9

black tea

Original post by avocado25

"I LOVE YOUR HAIR today."

this is a weird compliment?!

Reply 10

avocado25

Original post by black tea

this is a weird compliment?!

Yeah the impression some people gave, and tone is like saying my hair only looks nice today but the other days it looks ugly.

Reply 11

black tea

Original post by avocado25

Yeah the impression some people gave, and tone is like saying my hair only looks nice today but the other days it looks ugly.

maybe it looked especially nice that day.

Reply 12

Pinkisk

Original post by avocado25

Hi, thank you for your response, it will mostly be in a academic area like lectures etc or if I was going to a store

The way that we present ourselves controls the amount of attention that we receive from others and we live in a world that is full of rotten people. Afro hair is rare in this country. Personally, I think its amazing and unique, but wearing it will attract you attention and it is likely that some of this attention will come to you from negative people; people who suffer from inferiority complexes, people who are racist, people whose lives are full of anger, hate, envy and jealousy, people who are perverts etc. To avoid this negativity in your life, avoid attention from people that are not worth your time and to avoid the attention of such people you need to avoid standing out in their company. If we lived in heaven I would tell you to dress your hair however you liked to dress it, but we don't. So my advice to you is to avoid standing out and so maybe change your hairstyle...that or prepare yourself for the negative attention and deal with it or ignore it. This might create problems for you and I don't think its worth it.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 13

mnbvcxzz

I got bullied or my fro until i left school, now I get paid for it.
At a supermarket job I had to report a supervisor for highly racial comments when I wore Senegalese twists.
The general public and my friends are supportive and loving of whatever I choose to do with my hair. I think that has to do with society changing a lot in the last ten years, moving to a city, and Instagram.
That said, I spent a year in a less cosmopolitan area of Spain and it felt a lot like being in rural England twenty years ago.

Just be most careful with who you date, make sure they are into you and accept you and aren't just obsessed with race. Trust me its not always obvious at first.
When I date someone for a while they say stuff like you should straighten it persistently - I don't listen and as they reveal more of their true self I swiftly move on.
Some see me once in a pink lace front and see you should always wear it, ends up same as the above.
Sometimes my hair needs protection from the cold winter and then maybe the idiot complains I should be wearing my fro out.

Reply 14

TigerRoll

If you want to be yourself, be yourself. I have afro hair and whilst it was a curiosity when I was younger, nobody has ever said a thing about it for years now, unless I point out I have done something different to it. Even then what people say is the kind of stuff you'd say to anyone about their hair if they've done something different.

That being said some people are just plain rude but I wouldn't let them shape how you want to live. Call them out on ignorance or ignore them.