My girlfriend is very angry and confrontational all the time

So me and my gf had a big argument last week. So we met up the other day to clear the air so to speak but I feel like it’s got me nowhere. When we met up I straight away apologised for if what I’d said and done annoyed her. Once I made my point I let her say what she wanted but straight away she was just angry, confrontational and swearing and shouting at me in public. I’m one of these people that believes if you have to resort to shouting and swearing then you can’t get your point across.

Whenever she’d say anything to me that how I’d made her feel recently I’d listen, apologise and take on board what she’d said and then give her answer that showed why I did what I did. But then if I gave her examples of something she’d done she’d either interrupt me by shouting and swearing or after I’d finished she’d just shrug her shoulders and not say anything which suggests she wasn’t listening or wouldn’t want to admit her faults.

This is an example of what happened. So just a bit of background information, my nan is 90 years old and lives on her own. She is riddled with arthritis and the furthest she can physically walk is to her bedroom which is about 15 metres but she needs a Zimmer frame to do that. She can’t even make herself a piece of toast in the kitchen. So my gf said that I make her feel second best sometimes, I asked her to give me an example and she said “you’re always at your nan’s beck and call if she needs help, you need to stop volunteering to help.” I listened to that and said I’m sorry if I made her feel that way but my nan has home care 4 times a day to help her but for example a few weeks ago her home care didn’t turn up to help her with her dinner. So I went down to do it, it was the best thing at the time that I go and do it because my mum who is her primary care giver was at the supermarket, my dad was in a meeting at work, both my sisters were at work and my brother in law was at home looking after his child so it made most sense that I went and made her dinner because I was best placed to do it. When I told her that she just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t say anything. It was as though I have her a good counter argument and she knows it but doesn’t want to admit she’s wrong.

I feel as though she is the one who always has to be right and this relationship is starting to become toxic.

So me and my gf had a big argument last week. So we met up the other day to clear the air so to speak but I feel like it’s got me nowhere. When we met up I straight away apologised for if what I’d said and done annoyed her. Once I made my point I let her say what she wanted but straight away she was just angry, confrontational and swearing and shouting at me in public. I’m one of these people that believes if you have to resort to shouting and swearing then you can’t get your point across.

Whenever she’d say anything to me that how I’d made her feel recently I’d listen, apologise and take on board what she’d said and then give her answer that showed why I did what I did. But then if I gave her examples of something she’d done she’d either interrupt me by shouting and swearing or after I’d finished she’d just shrug her shoulders and not say anything which suggests she wasn’t listening or wouldn’t want to admit her faults.

This is an example of what happened. So just a bit of background information, my nan is 90 years old and lives on her own. She is riddled with arthritis and the furthest she can physically walk is to her bedroom which is about 15 metres but she needs a Zimmer frame to do that. She can’t even make herself a piece of toast in the kitchen. So my gf said that I make her feel second best sometimes, I asked her to give me an example and she said “you’re always at your nan’s beck and call if she needs help, you need to stop volunteering to help.” I listened to that and said I’m sorry if I made her feel that way but my nan has home care 4 times a day to help her but for example a few weeks ago her home care didn’t turn up to help her with her dinner. So I went down to do it, it was the best thing at the time that I go and do it because my mum who is her primary care giver was at the supermarket, my dad was in a meeting at work, both my sisters were at work and my brother in law was at home looking after his child so it made most sense that I went and made her dinner because I was best placed to do it. When I told her that she just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t say anything. It was as though I have her a good counter argument and she knows it but doesn’t want to admit she’s wrong.

I feel as though she is the one who always has to be right and this relationship is starting to become toxic.

You are a great grandson, I must say! Many elderly ladies would love to know such a kind, caring person. How often do you see your girlfriend?

Sorry, but if anyone tried to stop me helping my grandparents - which I do regularly - they would be out of the door. She sounds absolutely awful.

Sounds a right waste of space.

A girl I dated years back with BPD kicked off at me massively for similar. I got a call my mum had been rushed to hospital and set off, by the time i'd got there an hour later, she had already dumped me and got back together with her ex, fallen out with her ex and wanted to come over to mine. She literally could not grasp that wasn't going to happen and my attention was not on her, like she genuinely thought I'd leave my mum's hospital to come home and have her over for a tantrum.

She went back to the ex again who killed himself a short time later, v grim.

So me and my gf had a big argument last week. So we met up the other day to clear the air so to speak but I feel like it’s got me nowhere. When we met up I straight away apologised for if what I’d said and done annoyed her. Once I made my point I let her say what she wanted but straight away she was just angry, confrontational and swearing and shouting at me in public. I’m one of these people that believes if you have to resort to shouting and swearing then you can’t get your point across.

Whenever she’d say anything to me that how I’d made her feel recently I’d listen, apologise and take on board what she’d said and then give her answer that showed why I did what I did. But then if I gave her examples of something she’d done she’d either interrupt me by shouting and swearing or after I’d finished she’d just shrug her shoulders and not say anything which suggests she wasn’t listening or wouldn’t want to admit her faults.

This is an example of what happened. So just a bit of background information, my nan is 90 years old and lives on her own. She is riddled with arthritis and the furthest she can physically walk is to her bedroom which is about 15 metres but she needs a Zimmer frame to do that. She can’t even make herself a piece of toast in the kitchen. So my gf said that I make her feel second best sometimes, I asked her to give me an example and she said “you’re always at your nan’s beck and call if she needs help, you need to stop volunteering to help.” I listened to that and said I’m sorry if I made her feel that way but my nan has home care 4 times a day to help her but for example a few weeks ago her home care didn’t turn up to help her with her dinner. So I went down to do it, it was the best thing at the time that I go and do it because my mum who is her primary care giver was at the supermarket, my dad was in a meeting at work, both my sisters were at work and my brother in law was at home looking after his child so it made most sense that I went and made her dinner because I was best placed to do it. When I told her that she just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t say anything. It was as though I have her a good counter argument and she knows it but doesn’t want to admit she’s wrong.

I feel as though she is the one who always has to be right and this relationship is starting to become toxic.

We were seeing each other 3 times a week but I have broken up with her this morning. I decided I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who resents me for trying to help my nan. I also realised that I can't be with someone who when we have an argument if I apologise for what I've done wrong but they can't see things from my point of view and wont apologise for things they've done wrong and instead just get confrontational all the time and aggressive then it's not healthy for me to be with someone like that.

I feel relieved it's over to be honest.

You have done the right thing. You also have the right attitude about what you've done. Feeling relieved is exactly how you should be feeling about this now.

The 2 of you were incompatible in how you resolved conflict.
You have a good chance of your next girlfriend being more level headed and emotionally stable when it comes to resolving conflict.

Well done op, you can find someone much better, who may even get along well with your lovely nan.

You and strider hort are major bullet dodgers

I know I can find someone better now, the only worrying thing is on the surface she did get on with my nan. It shows just how two faced she could be.

I certainly feel like I’ve dodged a bullet though.

So me and my gf had a big argument last week. So we met up the other day to clear the air so to speak but I feel like it’s got me nowhere. When we met up I straight away apologised for if what I’d said and done annoyed her. Once I made my point I let her say what she wanted but straight away she was just angry, confrontational and swearing and shouting at me in public. I’m one of these people that believes if you have to resort to shouting and swearing then you can’t get your point across.

Whenever she’d say anything to me that how I’d made her feel recently I’d listen, apologise and take on board what she’d said and then give her answer that showed why I did what I did. But then if I gave her examples of something she’d done she’d either interrupt me by shouting and swearing or after I’d finished she’d just shrug her shoulders and not say anything which suggests she wasn’t listening or wouldn’t want to admit her faults.

This is an example of what happened. So just a bit of background information, my nan is 90 years old and lives on her own. She is riddled with arthritis and the furthest she can physically walk is to her bedroom which is about 15 metres but she needs a Zimmer frame to do that. She can’t even make herself a piece of toast in the kitchen. So my gf said that I make her feel second best sometimes, I asked her to give me an example and she said “you’re always at your nan’s beck and call if she needs help, you need to stop volunteering to help.” I listened to that and said I’m sorry if I made her feel that way but my nan has home care 4 times a day to help her but for example a few weeks ago her home care didn’t turn up to help her with her dinner. So I went down to do it, it was the best thing at the time that I go and do it because my mum who is her primary care giver was at the supermarket, my dad was in a meeting at work, both my sisters were at work and my brother in law was at home looking after his child so it made most sense that I went and made her dinner because I was best placed to do it. When I told her that she just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t say anything. It was as though I have her a good counter argument and she knows it but doesn’t want to admit she’s wrong.

I feel as though she is the one who always has to be right and this relationship is starting to become toxic.

So me and my gf had a big argument last week. So we met up the other day to clear the air so to speak but I feel like it’s got me nowhere. When we met up I straight away apologised for if what I’d said and done annoyed her. Once I made my point I let her say what she wanted but straight away she was just angry, confrontational and swearing and shouting at me in public. I’m one of these people that believes if you have to resort to shouting and swearing then you can’t get your point across.

Whenever she’d say anything to me that how I’d made her feel recently I’d listen, apologise and take on board what she’d said and then give her answer that showed why I did what I did. But then if I gave her examples of something she’d done she’d either interrupt me by shouting and swearing or after I’d finished she’d just shrug her shoulders and not say anything which suggests she wasn’t listening or wouldn’t want to admit her faults.

This is an example of what happened. So just a bit of background information, my nan is 90 years old and lives on her own. She is riddled with arthritis and the furthest she can physically walk is to her bedroom which is about 15 metres but she needs a Zimmer frame to do that. She can’t even make herself a piece of toast in the kitchen. So my gf said that I make her feel second best sometimes, I asked her to give me an example and she said “you’re always at your nan’s beck and call if she needs help, you need to stop volunteering to help.” I listened to that and said I’m sorry if I made her feel that way but my nan has home care 4 times a day to help her but for example a few weeks ago her home care didn’t turn up to help her with her dinner. So I went down to do it, it was the best thing at the time that I go and do it because my mum who is her primary care giver was at the supermarket, my dad was in a meeting at work, both my sisters were at work and my brother in law was at home looking after his child so it made most sense that I went and made her dinner because I was best placed to do it. When I told her that she just shrugged her shoulders and didn’t say anything. It was as though I have her a good counter argument and she knows it but doesn’t want to admit she’s wrong.

I feel as though she is the one who always has to be right and this relationship is starting to become toxic.

I remember another person complaining about very similar problems on this forum about 1-2 months ago. Was that you?

I believe my response was... she quite possibly learned to behave this way, because people put up with it from her. You, and others long before you. Well done for breaking up. Counter-intuitively, you might have done her a favor. Hopefully, she might just stand a chance to learn from this experience that her behavior was inappropriate.

On another note, it's something I'd been thinking about again recently. I've collided with some people before (many years ago by now) on the topic of how they prioritise their family. I don't want to undermine the importance of family with anything I'm about to say, but I think some people (moreso in some cultures than others) tolerate too many 'demands' from their own family. They will cancel elaborate plans that everyone was looking forward to, on the very last minute, because their mother for example arbitrarily decided and insisted that her son give her a lift in his car to the airport. On the last minute, even though tickets were booked weeks in advance, and plans were made months in advance. Refused to take a Taxi, even if it was paid for. This was an extreme example, so much so that initially I thought he made it up. Some people, never learn how to set boundaries with other family members and just end up getting bent over the radiator every time because of it. And it does ruin other friendships, relationships, and just life in general becomes far more stressful. This guy was an absolute doormat, thanks to how he was raised.

Obviously this doesn't apply here (I hope?). Just something that's been on my mind again.