Disobedient Teenager

Hey Guys,

I have a 18 soon to be 19 year old sibling , he intends to go to university this coming Autumn. However he is very disobedient. No matter how many times we try to reach out to him as a family and understand what goes on in his head, he constantly undermines our efforts. When we say he can’t go out with his friends due to lockdown, he becomes angry and loud and goes out anyway. He swears at elders and has no respect and rebels against authority, we have given him countless chances and opportunities and always plays the victim in any situation.

What are our options? Judging by the new grading system I doubt he’ll even go to university this year. What do we do?

Reply 1

Foxehh

Ship him off to boarding school :colone:

Er, seriously though, it sounds like your being too nice. Its not going to kill him for you to put some solid rules in place. Also, it seems that you just let him do these things with no consequences? Why is that?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by LovelyMrFox

Ship him off to boarding school :colone:

We take his phone off of him, we reprimand him we’ve laid down rules but he still rebels and becomes hysterical and angry. When he normally comes home there is normally a huge fight and it’s just a vicious cycle. He just does not respond to authority, no matter how many chances we give him and how he says he understands, he does not listen.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by LovelyMrFox

Why are you letting his yelling get to that point? Dont yell back. It takes two to start an argument.
What do you mean by 'chances'? You make it sound like youve threatened something if he doesnt comply with your rules, so what would that be?

He doesn’t understand rational discussion, it’s either 0 or 100, he shouts at my mum. My mum is always calm. This has happened numerous times before, he’s threatened to leave the house etc etc and we’ve accepted him back and he says he understands he was wrong and he shouldn’t have gone out and been disrespectful. He’s actually gone out again today and the same thing has happened...

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

he'll be fine. give him space. ❤it is a beautiful world❤

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by LovelyMrFox

That’s the thing we don’t know what to threaten him with anymore, whether he can’t see his friends, taking his phone, he still tries to go behind our backs and does what he wants anyway

Reply 6

Foxehh

Original post by Anonymous

How old is he?
This kid sounds on the verge of out of control tbh. I think your going to need more help than a bunch of strangers on the internet :s-smilie:

Reply 7

magic777

Original post by LovelyMrFox

How old is he?
This kid sounds on the verge of out of control tbh. I think your going to need more help than a bunch of strangers on the internet :s-smilie:

18 nearly 19

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 8

vapordave

Debate & Current Affairs Helper

Have you considered any underlying issues? Your GP will be able to refer him to a specialist.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by LovelyMrFox

How old is he?
This kid sounds on the verge of out of control tbh. I think your going to need more help than a bunch of strangers on the internet :s-smilie:

Yeah he’s 18 nearly 19, and idk I just thought maybe someone would know what to do

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

My little brother (18 years old) was exactly like your brother, refusing to listen to reason, shouting when he gets angry and then playing victim even though my mum tries her best to speak calmly and logically, but that all changed when my older brother came home and lived with us for a while. (He was 22). He started to notice how aggressive he was and one day he got so angry he hit our mum (there were bruises) then my older brother completely beat the **** out of him in front of our family, since then he has been the most well behaved person ever, helps around the house everyday, never raises his voice, avoids arguing etc. I’m pretty sure the reason he changed wasn’t because of the pain of getting beat up, but the humiliation of it happening in front of us (his siblings). Oh and he sees a therapist now to who helps him control his anger.

I’m not saying you should beat him up at ALL. What my brother done was completely wrong, just thought I’d share this crazy story.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Daveological

Have you considered any underlying issues? Your GP will be able to refer him to a specialist.

Do you think that necessary?

Reply 12

Foxehh

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah he’s 18 nearly 19, and idk I just thought maybe someone would know what to do

Daveological said it before I could. You should talk to his GP about it and have him see a specialist. This isnt exactly normal behavior, something is obviously wrong.

Reply 13

vapordave

Debate & Current Affairs Helper

Original post by Anonymous

Do you think that necessary?

Yes, if it's that bad.

Reply 14

CollegeStudent99

As he’s 18 he’s technically an adult so your authority over him is limited and will only continue to decrease as he gets older. I think at this age it’s probably too late unfortunately. If he commits a crime or does something really bad he may get sent to a detention centre or rehab which may improve his behaviour.. Or he might just become a repeat offender...

And when you say sibling I assume you are an older brother or sister. Maybe that’s the problem here... Are his parents living with him? Or is it just you and him? Maybe he doesn’t see you as an authority figure and rightly so, only parents/carers should have authority over a minor.

Best just let him go and get on with his life, if he gets into trouble or something bad happens to him then he has to deal with the consequences. He’ll soon be too old to be told what to do anyway.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 15

Omega01

If he doesn't go to uni, his parents should kick him out, make him find his own place and become an adult.

If he goes to uni, then he can't really be kicked out cos he can't rent a flat and be at uni. If he does go hopefully he'll get better, maybe flatmates will make him behave.

Reply 16

username5322502

I was kind of like that last year (not the swearing, just yelling) when I had tests/interviews coming up and my parents would try to talk to me but I pretty much shut them off and told no one to talk to me. The days after it was over my mum sat me down and described how I was neglecting them and I explained I just wanted to do well for them getting the best grades I can but she made me realised how much of a pr*ck I came across telling them to leave me alone and for not having my meals at the right time etc. It was this insight which made me really fix myself up :h:

I honestly think you should ask him what's goin on and for him to talk to you. Facilitate the conversation so your point comes across and if the behaviour doesn't change then let him realise the hardships of life by himself

Reply 17

Geraldthegoat

He’s a grown adult let him do what he wants to do, I don’t blame him for being mad you guys are disrespecting his wishes. He might not want to tell you what’s going on because he isn’t comfortable talking to you guys about it... maybe you guys are overreacting. You should be supportive about him going to University regardless whether he gets in or not, u can be helpful by motivating him. As long as he wears a mask and is washing his hands let him see his friends don’t be a Karen.