Moonchildy
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I never asked for something but i really seek for help . I am 18 years old when i was 9 my cousin wore a hijab and the whole family kept comparing us so i felt like i had to wear it too i was young and clueless .. I regretted it after a few years when i turned 13 i talked to my mother about taking it off she beat the hell out of me and told me that i'd be cursed if i ever talk about it again .. I then just never brought it up again .. But i always suffered my sister is 14 and she never wore it she also dresses the way she wants and no one talks to her .. Recently we went to the beach my cousins , my family and i everyone was having fun but me even my sister was wearing a bikini and i had to be covered .. So i decided to come out to my mom again about it .. That day she told me to go to the store to buy her some stuff and i started telling her that it would be easier for my sister cuz she can go out the way she is and i have to wear clothes and wear my scarf and stuff she then told me that if i ever think about taking it off she will no longer consider me her daughter and i will receive her (sakht) i told her that i'm not confortable in it and that i will wear it when i'm ready for it she just kept screaming and telling me that Allah is cursing me now and that i wanna turn to a slut cuz i keep watching american series And stuff now she doesn't talk to me anymore .. I was thinking about talking to my dad but i'm so scared just a few days ago he was talking to my family about being proud of me cuz i received good grades and the way i'm a respectful girl ...
I'm scared he would feel disappointed and begin to hate me too ... Please help .
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chloenix
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Hi, I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. Sending you virtual hugs because every human should have the right to choose to do whatever the hell they want:hugs:

First of all, don't feel guilty. I know with some people that go against their parents, they feel guilty (this is actually a Freudian theory!), but don't! You have done absolutely nothing wrong! Also, you can be a perfect Muslim and not wear the hijab!

I think this is just a matter of your mother being quite controlling and traditional in her ideas. The double standard is quite odd with your sister though, that's what surprises me. Do you have any idea as to why she lets your sister dress how she wants but not you?

Are you going to uni soon? 18 is usually the age that kids move out from home to either go to university or get a job or something. Would you consider doing this to get some more freedom? You can dress how you want and when you come home to visit your mother you can wear your hijab maybe?

Or alternatively you could just tell your dad and see what he says. If you feel comfortable you should "pour your heart out" and completely explain the pressures you feel and the conflict between wanting to please your family and doing what you want. Also, why don't you talk to you little sister (the one who dresses how she wants), maybe she has some advice or some idea on how to help. Is there anyone else in your life who would understand?
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Moonchildy
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(Original post by chloenix)
Hi, I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. Sending you virtual hugs because every human should have the right to choose to do whatever the hell they want:hugs:

First of all, don't feel guilty. I know with some people that go against their parents, they feel guilty (this is actually a Freudian theory!), but don't! You have done absolutely nothing wrong! Also, you can be a perfect Muslim and not wear the hijab!

I think this is just a matter of your mother being quite controlling and traditional in her ideas. The double standard is quite odd with your sister though, that's what surprises me. Do you have any idea as to why she lets your sister dress how she wants but not you?

Are you going to uni soon? 18 is usually the age that kids move out from home to either go to university or get a job or something. Would you consider doing this to get some more freedom? You can dress how you want and when you come home to visit your mother you can wear your hijab maybe?

Or alternatively you could just tell your dad and see what he says. If you feel comfortable you should "pour your heart out" and completely explain the pressures you feel and the conflict between wanting to please your family and doing what you want. Also, why don't you talk to you little sister (the one who dresses how she wants), maybe she has some advice or some idea on how to help. Is there anyone else in your life who would understand?
Thanks for replying
My sister has just showed them that she doesn't want to wear it so they left her alone .. I from a young age was a daughter who always does as she's told so she wants to control me .. And yes i'm going to university but i don't wanna do things behind their back and then get caught i already went out without it one time and k felt so stressed and scared tl get caught
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DavidX123456
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(Original post by chloenix)
Hi, I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. Sending you virtual hugs because every human should have the right to choose to do whatever the hell they want:hugs:

First of all, don't feel guilty. I know with some people that go against their parents, they feel guilty (this is actually a Freudian theory!), but don't! You have done absolutely nothing wrong! Also, you can be a perfect Muslim and not wear the hijab!

I think this is just a matter of your mother being quite controlling and traditional in her ideas. The double standard is quite odd with your sister though, that's what surprises me. Do you have any idea as to why she lets your sister dress how she wants but not you?

Are you going to uni soon? 18 is usually the age that kids move out from home to either go to university or get a job or something. Would you consider doing this to get some more freedom? You can dress how you want and when you come home to visit your mother you can wear your hijab maybe?

Or alternatively you could just tell your dad and see what he says. If you feel comfortable you should "pour your heart out" and completely explain the pressures you feel and the conflict between wanting to please your family and doing what you want. Also, why don't you talk to you little sister (the one who dresses how she wants), maybe she has some advice or some idea on how to help. Is there anyone else in your life who would understand?
Are you Muslim ?
Last edited by DavidX123456; 2 months ago
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Hannah0505
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Why are they letting your sister wear what she wants? Ask your parents why they let your sister do what she wants. Sounds like favouritism
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Moonchildy
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(Original post by Hannah0505)
Why are they letting your sister wear what she wants? Ask your parents why they let your sister do what she wants. Sounds like favouritism
Because she always refused but they controlling me cuz i always did as i was told
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Moonchildy
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(Original post by DavidX123456)
Are you Muslim ?
Yes i am
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chloenix
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(Original post by Moonchildy)
Thanks for replying
My sister has just showed them that she doesn't want to wear it so they left her alone .. I from a young age was a daughter who always does as she's told so she wants to control me .. And yes i'm going to university but i don't wanna do things behind their back and then get caught i already went out without it one time and k felt so stressed and scared tl get caught
Ah I completely understand.
I think your only option is to explain yourself to the most understanding member of your family.
Also you could start to dress in the way you like slowly. For example one day you show your shoulder or your legs or something. Or you adjust your hijab so that the front bits of your hair begin to show and then very slowly, after a few weeks you dress more and more in your style? Do you think this would work?
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chloenix
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(Original post by DavidX123456)
Are you Muslim ?
I am not. But a great part of my family is Muslim, most of my friends are, I study Islam in school and I have done research on this topic. Whether or not muslim women should wear the hijab is entirely a matter of interpretation. I personally believe, and so do my non-hijab Muslim family and friends, that it is not required to be a good Muslim. 'My' reasoning can be summed up in this video (although it's quite a bit more complicated in reality): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J5bDhMP9lQ&t=1s
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Hannah0505
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(Original post by chloenix)
Ah I completely understand.
I think your only option is to explain yourself to the most understanding member of your family.
Also you could start to dress in the way you like slowly. For example one day you show your shoulder or your legs or something. Or you adjust your hijab so that the front bits of your hair begin to show and then very slowly, after a few weeks you dress more and more in your style? Do you think this would work?
I love your advice tbh. Never thought about that. I think OP should use it
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Moonchildy
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(Original post by chloenix)
Ah I completely understand.
I think your only option is to explain yourself to the most understanding member of your family.
Also you could start to dress in the way you like slowly. For example one day you show your shoulder or your legs or something. Or you adjust your hijab so that the front bits of your hair begin to show and then very slowly, after a few weeks you dress more and more in your style? Do you think this would work?
I have already tried these steps but i'm not that close with family i talked to my mom now i tried to explain myself but she just started screaming so loud telling me that she doesn't care about my reasons and that as long as i'm under her responsability she would never leave me do that and that she's cursing me she started insulting me and telling me that she would stop me from going to university and tell my dad about it all .. I'm screwed up i really hate my life
Last edited by Moonchildy; 2 months ago
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chloenix
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(Original post by Hannah0505)
I love your advice tbh. Never thought about that. I think OP should use it
Thank you!
(Original post by Moonchildy)
I have already tried these steps but i'm not that close with family i talked to my mom now i tried to explain myself but she just started screaming so loud telling me that she doesn't care about my reasons and that as long as i'm under her responsability she would never leave me do that and that she's cursing me she started insulting me and telling me that she would stop me from going to university and tell my dad about it all .. I'm screwed up i really hate my life
I'm so sorry I hope you're okay OP. Just know that this will pass and everything will be fine soon, I 10000% promise. Your mother cannot stop you going to university, that's illegal. You will have a student loan so even if she refuses to pay for it, you can support yourself and your expenses.
And your mum said that as long as you're under her 'responsibility'. When you're not under her responsibility anymore, then surely you don't have to wear it. At the age of 18 you can legally do absolutely anything you want!

Would you be prepared to sacrifice relations with your family in exchange for your freedom? Or would you not want to go that far (no judgement from me either way).
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Anonymous #1
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do it then i dont see any probs
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Moonchildy
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(Original post by chloenix)
Thank you!

I'm so sorry I hope you're okay OP. Just know that this will pass and everything will be fine soon, I 10000% promise. Your mother cannot stop you going to university, that's illegal. You will have a student loan so even if she refuses to pay for it, you can support yourself and your expenses.
And your mum said that as long as you're under her 'responsibility'. When you're not under her responsibility anymore, then surely you don't have to wear it. At the age of 18 you can legally do absolutely anything you want!

Would you be prepared to sacrifice relations with your family in exchange for your freedom? Or would you not want to go that far (no judgement from me either way).
By saying "not being under her respondability" means when i get married
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chloenix
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(Original post by Moonchildy)
By saying "not being under her respondability" means when i get married
Wow, she sounds really traditional! When you're 18 you're legally not under her responsibility.
I think it's up to you to decide whether you want to risk it or not.
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mgi
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(Original post by Moonchildy)
Thanks for replying
My sister has just showed them that she doesn't want to wear it so they left her alone .. I from a young age was a daughter who always does as she's told so she wants to control me .. And yes i'm going to university but i don't wanna do things behind their back and then get caught i already went out without it one time and k felt so stressed and scared tl get caught
Ah! A very revealing post! Your sister actually believe it or not, respects herself and her right to choice. Yiu as an adult don't respect yiur right to choose how to live your own life. You have chosen the fearful" i will do as i am told and hope to get some respect". This approach never works and frequently attracts persistent bullies!
Even when you go to uni you are still going to be scared as a grown adult, by what your parents or other people think.
When you leave home, do not respond to your parent's negativity. Just politely insist on being treated with respect regarding your choices.
Perhaps you should care less about being disowned and more about respect for your own life. Your mum is taking liberties because you allow her to- your sister has already said" hell no!" Move out for uni and discard your hijab if you wish. Its your life!
And don't fall for that arranged marriage bs later on in your life! It's coming!
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Moonchildy
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(Original post by mgi)
Ah! A very revealing post! Your sister actually believe it or not, respects herself and her right to choice. Yiu as an adult don't respect yiur right to choose how to live your own life. You have chosen the fearful" i will do as i am told and hope to get some respect". This approach never works and frequently attracts persistent bullies!
Even when you go to uni you are still going to be scared as a grown adult, by what your parents or other people think.
When you leave home, do not respond to your parent's negativity. Just politely insist on being treated with respect regarding your choices.
Perhaps you should care less about being disowned and more about respect for your own life. Your mum is taking liberties because you allow her to- your sister has already said" hell no!" Move out for uni and discard your hijab if you wish. Its your life!
And don't fall for that arranged marriage bs later on in your life! It's coming!
I see i will wait until i'm independant so that she won't threaten me anymore and then i'll just do whatever the hell i want .. Thank you tho
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mgi
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(Original post by Moonchildy)
I see i will wait until i'm independant so that she won't threaten me anymore and then i'll just do whatever the hell i want .. Thank you tho
What other choices do you have then?
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mgi
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(Original post by Moonchildy)
I see i will wait until i'm independant so that she won't threaten me anymore and then i'll just do whatever the hell i want .. Thank you tho
report your mum to childline then?
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MrMusician95
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Unless you feel like your safety will be at risk, take it off. Stop caring what your parents will think.
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