bit of an issue lol

You have plainly and clearly described to us your descent into a mental health crisis (look up the definition of this)(you 'literally feel suicidal'), giving us potential causes and potential effects. You also poured your heart out on TSR, asking for help. Perhaps you don't want to look like you're being an attention seeker or put undue stress on those around you by admitting it? People work differently even with the same upbringing, so you shouldn't compare yourself to your siblings to invalidate your own issues. It is fine to seek help, but there's only so much us denizens of the internet can do. I suggest you actually go to your local GP and tell your family about it.

A bit of armchair psychology to provoke thought:
Memories from traumatic events (2 of which you've had) often get buried fairly subconsciously, and manifest themselves unexpectedly a little later down the line as irrational fear, anxiety and depression. Part of the process is that you won't necessarily be able to consciously trace back your anxieties to the event itself. Is it possible that you have PTSD? Alternatively, maybe you're just a people-pleaser, so wrapped up in moral anxiety and caring for others, that you've forgotten how to actively deal with your own emotions? The answer to that would be to find meaningful hobbies and unpick your anxieties about not being around other people from their source. Whatever's up, there will almost certainly be a psychological explanation, tied to something that happened earlier in your life or just a key element of your personality.

Sounds like you're capable, responsible, moralistic and a lovely person. You're also only 16 - maybe focus unashamedly on yourself for once?

You have plainly and clearly described to us your descent into a mental health crisis (look up the definition of this)(you 'literally feel suicidal'), giving us potential causes and potential effects. You also poured your heart out on TSR, asking for help. Perhaps you don't want to look like you're being an attention seeker or put undue stress on those around you by admitting it? People work differently even with the same upbringing, so you shouldn't compare yourself to your siblings to invalidate your own issues. It is fine to seek help, but there's only so much us denizens of the internet can do. I suggest you actually go to your local GP and tell your family about it.

A bit of armchair psychology to provoke thought:
Memories from traumatic events (2 of which you've had) often get buried fairly subconsciously, and manifest themselves unexpectedly a little later down the line as irrational fear, anxiety and depression. Part of the process is that you won't necessarily be able to consciously trace back your anxieties to the event itself. Is it possible that you have PTSD? Alternatively, maybe you're just a people-pleaser, so wrapped up in moral anxiety and caring for others, that you've forgotten how to actively deal with your own emotions? The answer to that would be to find meaningful hobbies and unpick your anxieties about not being around other people from their source. Whatever's up, there will almost certainly be a psychological explanation, tied to something that happened earlier in your life or just a key element of your personality.

Sounds like you're capable, responsible, moralistic and a lovely person. You're also only 16 - maybe focus unashamedly on yourself for once?

thankyou for this, and sorry for not thanking you earlier but I wasn't sure what to say but I definitely understood. I've just had another breakdown type thing worse than I've ever had and although I have no idea how to stop it, I feel so hopeless, you've helped me understand why it's happening and it's helped