My gf cheated with my best friend

Original post by abubakarsiddeeq

I have been in relation with my gf for about 5 to 6 years. We were in university together and spent most of our university life as a couple. After graduation, I knew I have to work hard to get stable so that we can get married as soon as possible. I am software engineer so I started working as a freelancer nearly 10 to 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, and applied for a master's in Australia. Due to work, I could not give a lot of time to my GF like before. After working continuously for 1 and a half year, i have made a lot of saving and bought a house in our home country and my Master is almost complete as well. I came to know that my gf and my best friend (they both were friends too) kissed around 7 to 8 months ago and have been in constant contact with each other (mobile contact) since. Now i feel like a complete arse for doing so much struggle just to get married to her. Also, she says that she is sorry and can't live without it me. So should I dump a girl like her or give her a second chance.

That sounds so awful! to hear, I mean you did everything to make sure she could have a better future with you, and 6 years is incredibly long. With how long you were working and how far you were (Australia is so far away) I think it seems plausible that she cheated, not acceptable by any means, but I can see why she would, as she was perhaps feeling like she wasn't having enough attention. I mean by which case she should have communicated to you, or she should have moved with you.
You worked so hard, for the both of you and I can understand how violated you must be feeling right now.
Honestly, if they had just kissed maybe you could accept it, if it was a one-off, but that is Completely 100% down to you. If they had sex behind your back, best dump her as soon as you can, you do not deserve that.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I think that's a bit dodgy mate and she should probably be dumped, might sound a little drastic as it was only a kiss but she still went behind your back. Even more sh**** on her part since you've worked your butt off.

I will say one thing tho, please don't work so hard ever again in your life because you deserve to have some time to enjoy and spend it with the people you love and care about. No matter how hard you work they're the only things left when life is coming to an end.

Since you didn't get much time with your girlfriend it would have strained the relationship but that's not your fault and your hard work is not wasted. She will have lost sight on how hard you were working and why.

Reply 4

VValent

1

Original post by abubakarsiddeeq

I have been in relation with my gf for about 5 to 6 years. We were in university together and spent most of our university life as a couple. After graduation, I knew I have to work hard to get stable so that we can get married as soon as possible. I am software engineer so I started working as a freelancer nearly 10 to 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, and applied for a master's in Australia. Due to work, I could not give a lot of time to my GF like before. After working continuously for 1 and a half year, i have made a lot of saving and bought a house in our home country and my Master is almost complete as well. I came to know that my gf and my best friend (they both were friends too) kissed around 7 to 8 months ago and have been in constant contact with each other (mobile contact) since. Now i feel like a complete arse for doing so much struggle just to get married to her. Also, she says that she is sorry and can't live without it me. So should I dump a girl like her or give her a second chance.

man, you deserve better

Reply 5

Dunnig Kruger

16

Having kissed him, did they go on to have sex?

If not why not?

If it's really true that they kissed and went no further then I'd see that as a massive positive.

If they went on to have sex, who would she rather be with now?
If it's him, send her off with your blessing.

If it's you, why does she want to be with you now and not him? The answer to that may be positive enough that it's worth staying with her. Although you should only proceed with marriage if you're as sure as you can be that her straying days are over.

And how do you feel now? If you put aside this "kissing" and keeping in contact episode (tricky to do because it's such an emotional topic, but try your best to think about this logically) are you confident that you'd be able to find someone "better" - someone that you'd be happier to share your life with - than her without too much difficulty? If the answer to that is yes or probably or maybe you should dump her and get another girlfriend. In fact you should have dumped her before the "kissing" episode.

There are different spins you can put on this kissing and staying in contact episode. Probably the most positive spin is that you believe in free market economics. You believe in people having a choice. This kissing and keeping in contact thing was information for her. Information is a good thing. You want her to be with you because she wants to be with you. And not because you've got her trapped in some way. And vice versa for you.
It's like if you're a steak-house and your biggest customer goes off to McDonalds, would you be worried that you've lost that customer forever? Or would you be pleased that they had the chance to compare you against a lower quality product?
And is she the equivalent of McDonalds or a steak house or a Michelin 3 rosette restaurant?

If you're working 70 to 84 hours at something that fulfills you, that's great. However in future aim to fit in some high quality time with you girlfriend each week. Even it's only a total of 3 hours. Make it a fantastic 3 hours for her. Which doesn't necessarily mean having to spend a lot of money on her because there are plenty of fun, interesting, pleasureable things you can do for free or nearly free.

Reply 6

Original post by kekedoyouloveme?

That sounds so awful! to hear, I mean you did everything to make sure she could have a better future with you, and 6 years is incredibly long. With how long you were working and how far you were (Australia is so far away) I think it seems plausible that she cheated, not acceptable by any means, but I can see why she would, as she was perhaps feeling like she wasn't having enough attention. I mean by which case she should have communicated to you, or she should have moved with you.
You worked so hard, for the both of you and I can understand how violated you must be feeling right now.
Honestly, if they had just kissed maybe you could accept it, if it was a one-off, but that is Completely 100% down to you. If they had sex behind your back, best dump her as soon as you can, you do not deserve that.

Hi there
Just to know
If it was your boyfriend who kissed a girl.
Would you accept to be with him and forgive him?

Reply 7

cloud_9_

18

that is an awful thing to go thru especially after being with her for 6 years, but if she has the audacity to kiss your best friend and u let her get away with it, then she might begin to think that she can get away with anything and might cheat on u again so I don't think its worth the risk to stay in the rship with her. But its easy for me to say cos I haven't been with her for 6 years.

Reply 8

Original post by Ackhnologia

Hi there
Just to know
If it was your boyfriend who kissed a girl.
Would you accept to be with him and forgive him?

Maybe, maybe not

Reply 9

Original post by kekedoyouloveme?

Maybe, maybe not

Okay
Sorry if I sounded like I was trying to be mean or something.
I just do not know how I would react if i had a partner who did that to me.
I mean, I would be wondering if I should leave them because of that or if I should take into account the fact I might feel like despite what they did I still love them and see them as a future partner...

Reply 10

Original post by Ackhnologia

Okay
Sorry if I sounded like I was trying to be mean or something.
I just do not know how I would react if i had a partner who did that to me.
I mean, I would be wondering if I should leave them because of that or if I should take into account the fact I might feel like despite what they did I still love them and see them as a future partner...

ik I completely understand you, it all depends on the intention! if they loved you and did it out of pure loneliness then that's something I could overlook. Loneliness is nasty, on both sides.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

I feel so sorry for you, you deserve so much better. :console:

I would suggest dumping her and find someone else who is willing to stay with you and never cheat on you.

Reply 12

999tigger

19

Original post by abubakarsiddeeq

I have been in relation with my gf for about 5 to 6 years. We were in university together and spent most of our university life as a couple. After graduation, I knew I have to work hard to get stable so that we can get married as soon as possible. I am software engineer so I started working as a freelancer nearly 10 to 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, and applied for a master's in Australia. Due to work, I could not give a lot of time to my GF like before. After working continuously for 1 and a half year, i have made a lot of saving and bought a house in our home country and my Master is almost complete as well. I came to know that my gf and my best friend (they both were friends too) kissed around 7 to 8 months ago and have been in constant contact with each other (mobile contact) since. Now i feel like a complete arse for doing so much struggle just to get married to her. Also, she says that she is sorry and can't live without it me. So should I dump a girl like her or give her a second chance.

Have they had sex or is it just a solitary kiss (no tongues)?
You do seem to have neglected her on a basic level?
Was the constant mobile contact sexting etc or just conversations as to how much she loves you or BTS?

If she has cheated then things will never be the same, just how you see it?
If she hasnt cheated, then can you overlook it?

Take more time until you know.

Reply 13

Original post by kekedoyouloveme?

ik I completely understand you, it all depends on the intention! if they loved you and did it out of pure loneliness then that's something I could overlook. Loneliness is nasty, on both sides.

Thank you
Loneliness is the worst
I fear it so much but I am sticked in unfortunately...
Thank you, I think thanks to you answer I would be able to take a rational decision if something similar happened to me
I am quite sensitive and awfully emotional so I have always feared to be cheated on.
Because I cannot even imagine myself cheating on a partner...
I went a bit overboard
Thanks anyway

Reply 14

Anonymous #3

Just be done with her and find another girl. Or get used to being attached to someone who will be running off with every hunky bloke that comes anywhere near her like Cindy on Eastenders.

Reply 15

Original post by Ackhnologia

Thank you
Loneliness is the worst
I fear it so much but I am sticked in unfortunately...
Thank you, I think thanks to you answer I would be able to take a rational decision if something similar happened to me
I am quite sensitive and awfully emotional so I have always feared to be cheated on.
Because I cannot even imagine myself cheating on a partner...
I went a bit overboard
Thanks anyway

It's okay, I have anxiety issues too, in terms of my relationship.

My best advice is stick it through, and if he's a good guy then you have nothing to worry about.

Always try and gain independence too, just so it won't hurt as much if anything did happen! x

Reply 16

Aminah T

18

I would say to give her another chance if it was just a kiss and nothing further than that. But if she breaks your trust and cheats on you again, then I would suggest to leave her and find someone better.

Reply 17