Original post by AnonymousHello,
I’d like to start off by saying two things.
1- im not really great at giving advice on touchy subjects, but the best I can do for you is try.
2- I’m incredibly sorry that you feel this way, It must feel awful. It honestly hurts to see that there is yet another young person affected by this parental conflict. But as said previously, I will try to help you.
I know that it must hurt to see your mother and father fight, and I know that it can affect your grades if you witness them arguing continuously and feel as if it may be your fault, or as if you play some sort of a role within their arguments and are responsible for maybe trying to stop them from fighting. But these thoughts contradict others like:” but they’ll never listen, they’re to fixated on their arguments to realise the damage it does to others around them” or “ what can I do, I’m powerless. I can’t stop them from arguing”. Honestly, I can’t tell if you feel this way, or say these things, but I can only speak from experience and I have. From around yr1- year4 my mum and dad would argue- like a lot- and it would often end in my mum in tears in the middle of the night, my dad slamming doors after he leaves home and me being awake to hear it all and after he leaves, trying to help my mum emotionally as she sat crying her eyes out till like 2am. But, Somehow the very person I helped emotionally the night before would be a different person the next day, as my dad and my mum would argue, but this time( and on multiple occasions) it was filled with a **** ton of anger from both parties, and would often turn into fuel for my mum to just beat me hard and mercilessly for no apparent reason post-arguement, Just out of anger. Gaining marks on my body and always hiding them for school. So yeah- I have quite a bit of experience when it comes to parental conflict. As I can see this is just one of the multiple examples I can give but it conveys my planned point very well. That point is to not feel responsible for having to end their conflict and not to let their problems drag you down, you seem like ur head is in the right place, to study for the ucat, personally I think it shows how smart you are, how you hold your education tightly with both hands and wouldn’t let go for anything. I can get this from just u saying ur plan is to go into medicine or dentistry because they’re competitive and good grades are required to get in, so I can guess ur grades are probably great. So your doing well academically, now you need to know that your parents’ conflict has not dragged you down- but it could if you continue to dwell on it as a burden and a forced responsibility to end it. How about you talk to your brother, explain how you feel this is affecting you and say that you want to sit both parents down to talk about the affect their arguments are having on you and your future. Tell them that the space you enter when talking MUST be argument-free. if they choose not to listen than you can at least have it on your conscience that you tried and they didn’t listen. But giving as to how they’re your parents and although they argue they still may care about you, they probably don’t will want to know that they are affecting you from reaching your dreams, doing really well on your ucas and going off to be a great doctor/ dentist( don’t know if test is for this but I think- pls correct if I’m wrong). Ur brother would most likely listen too. Personally, I can’t say if this will work 100% cos my dad left around yr 4. I’m in yr11 now and I can say that this isn’t even one of the top 10 worst things that has happened to me and/or my family, there’s honestly other bad stuff, but this is some of the milder stuff. I know things will go right for you cos, as I previously said, ur head and heart is In the right place, your environment is just dragging you down. Yet again sorry for the advice, I’ve never given one on a touchy topic, and I thought an anecdote would be best suited for this as you and I are kinda on the same boat, only difference is that I’ve been on it before and my dad isn’t around. But trust me, you do what u think is right, talk to them and tell them how it affects you and things will possibly change from there. I can do nothing now but say sorry that you are experiencing it too, and that I hope you do well for your exam, I believe you can.