Pakistani parents found out i'm gay...

I'm 18 years old and somehow my parents just found out I'm gay. Idk what happened but the other day out of the blue my dad came home angry and demanded my phone, unlocked. I gave it to him, and he searched through it, finding evidence of my sexuality and the people I've been talking to etc. Idk what's going to happen now but my dad has been silent for a few days. My mum is also heartbroken but she's more concerned and wants what's best for me... She says he is thinking of what to do... Idk what's gonna happen. He could kick me out of the house, or send me to Pakistan for uni. Which is horrible because I've already applied to uni for 2020 entry (Idk if I've got in yet tho)

But I really do not want to go to Pakistan. My mum said that conversion therapy is being considered for me. I didn't want to be this way and I just want to be normal. I don't want to be gay, I wish I were straight then my life wouldn't be such a mess....

Its crazy how just a week before I found out whether I got into uni or not somehow my parents found all this out.... Now my mum said to me to "completely forget about even going to uni"... what on earth should I do?????

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Reply 1

Krood

I'm very sorry you're in this situation. I hope your parents learn to accept you.

Considering how fast global attitudes are changing, I would expect them to soften over the years.

My grandmother used to be very homophobic, but after one of her godchildren came out she learned to accept it.

Reply 2

Mo.Hamid

Sorry to hear this. I hope they can get past it. I don’t want to derail this or anything but if it makes you feel better I had a friend that is Pakistani and gay and when his parents found out they kicked him out. Then a few months later I’m not sure what clicked but they welcomed him back home and they seem to live like normal. Maybe (or hopefully) it’s just the initial shock that they’re trying to get over

Reply 3

kekedoyouloveme?

Original post by Anonymous

I think, it's just really important that you remain calm, I'm so sorry this happened to you :frown:

. It's not your fault, whatsoever. I think they just need some time to calm down, once they get over the initial shock of everything, try talking to them about it, is there anyone at all, any older siblings or your mum that you could talk to, to help calm your dad down. I'm sure everything will turn out for the best, it'll just take some time, and you need to remain calm, and not panic. It should blow over in a couple of months. They should really let you go to university here, education is so important and once you're at university, they can decide on whether they want to keep contact with you have on-going therapy sessions. I'm Pakistani too, and it sucks to even consider conversion therapy :frown:

you should be whoever you want to be, you should be proud of who you are, but the Quran doesn't allow homosexuality as such. My best advice, is don't be ashamed, you've done nothing really wrong, you're human and that's all, keep calm and hopefully it'll all blow over, or you'll work something out which would benefit everyone! good luck x

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

At this point you should just lie to them that you’re not gay anymore so you can go to uni. After uni you won’t be dependant on them anymore and can do what you want.

Reply 5

itscourtchicks

Remember that they have no legal control or rights over you. You are 18. You can go to university if you damn well please.
Obviously I don’t understand the Pakistani/Muslim culture and cannot advise on the more intricate details.
Why not call a helpline who can maybe get you housing in urgent need?
I’m not sure about this, but maybe going to uni while maintaining contact with them will give them time to think and soften up.

Reply 6

Wired_1800

Original post by Anonymous

You dont have to do anything. It is who you are. Hopefully you can get into uni and become more independent. What does the conversion therapy involve? Just be yourself. I think you will be fine. He has not thrown you out yet. All the best.

Reply 7

hzz.7

Sorry to hear about that.Just some reassurance:

Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “When Allah (SWT) desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships.” – Sahih al-Bukhari

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

Are you religious? (I'm not judging either way here)

Reply 9

The_Lonely_Goatherd

Really really sorry to hear this, it sounds really painful and difficult for you :frown:

In case the worst happens, please make a note of this charity who might be able to offer advice/help with escaping: https://www.akt.org.uk/

Reply 10

username2393237

Original post by hzz.7

I’m sure that is very reassuring to the OP considering the circumstances.

Do you have any other family members you could turn to?

Reply 11

Kerzen

Original post by Anonymous

I've already applied to uni for 2020 entry (Idk if I've got in yet tho)

What on earth should I do?????

Confirm your place at University as soon as you know your results. You are an adult and can choose to take up a place at a University in the UK if you wish.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 12

hzz.7

Original post by YaliaV

I’m sure that is very reassuring to the OP considering the circumstances.

Do you have any other family members you could turn to?

Well wouldn’t you say certain circumstances lead to hardship?

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

At this point you should just lie to them that you’re not gay anymore so you can go to uni. After uni you won’t be dependant on them anymore and can do what you want.

Well you see, they have uncovered tons of evidence of me being gay.... bit late for that now :/

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by hzz.7

Thanks man

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by kekedoyouloveme?

I think, it's just really important that you remain calm, I'm so sorry this happened to you :frown:

Thanks so much <3 and no i don't have any other relatives in this country, unfortunately, everyone else is in Pakistan, etc and I daresay they won't be any more understanding.

Reply 16

Yukikobestgirl

very sorry to hear that. Whilst I'm from a very non conservative family (even my nan believes in trans rights) I do think it's important to try and explain to your family how you feel and try and get them to accept you. If you're moving out for uni and have secured an accommodation try and get there early if possible if the environment gets too hostile. Look at services for young people etc. Whilst she said the idea of conversion therapy (which btw is a horrible idea that has no scientific evidence behind it and just causes more issues in people) if your mum is a bit more understanding try and explain how you feel to her and how at the end of the day whether or not you like boys or girls you're still the same son she raised. Hopefully they can come to an understanding and accept you for being yourself.
Good luck man hope everything goes well

Reply 17

Nautilus

https://imaanlondon.wordpress.com/

https://www.hidayahlgbt.com/

https://www.mpvusa.org/lgbtqi-resources/

Reply 18

kekedoyouloveme?

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks so much <3 and no i don't have any other relatives in this country, unfortunately, everyone else is in Pakistan, etc and I daresay they won't be any more understanding.

No, I don't suppose they would be, I understand that completely, I know somewhere down the line for sure my parents will flip out at me too, if it helps I'm bisexual, it doesn't really make a difference as I have a boyfriend right now (I'm pretty sure they'd go mental over my boyfriend)..

It's hard, and the best thing to do is just keep calm, and remember things happen for the best, it's the way things are intended to be :smile: