I hate having scoliosis so much. I try to stay positive, but recently it’s really been getting me down. I hate not being able to wear nice dresses or cute tops, I always see people walking around wearing such nice clothes - I see their straight backs and I envy them. It makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world with scoliosis. I know that there are so many other people out there, but I just wish that I knew someone with it. None of my family has it and, to be honest, it makes me feel more isolated when they try to help. They always try their best, and they’re always there for me, but they just don’t really know what it’s actually like.
Often during days out I see my reflection on a reflective building/wall, and I look so hunched over where my back curves. Also, before I was diagnosed, my mum once told me at a family gathering that I look hunched over, and that I needed to push my shoulders back. Of course, she didn’t know back then, but I remember feeling really sad afterwards because I was trying my hardest to sit up straight.
I was diagnosed after about a year or two of me having it. I didn’t realise I had it for a very long time since my mum had a bad back and used to complain a lot about it, so I would think: “well, I guess this is just normal then.” I’m definitely not blaming my mum for my scoliosis though, she did not cause it and didn’t know about my back pain at all. I only realised I had it when I went out with my family in the summer of 2018, and they noticed my back sticking out. That day was horrible, I felt so scared and alone. Luckily later on I realised I wasn’t going to die, and that my problem is actually pretty common.
I might be having surgery sometime this year, but I don’t really know because coronavirus has delayed it. I’m anxious, but I’m also excited. I really look forward to wearing dresses, and I’m hoping I’ll feel more confident.
Thanks for reading.