/ Making friends in second year

Hey,

I've just finished my first year of uni doing history at a London uni.

Basically, I feel like I've been left behind socially. So I'm in a friendship group with about 10 girls and I'm only really close to three of them. The others are friendly and I can have casual conversations with them, but we don't really get on like that. It often seems like I'm forcing the friendship with them just because we're in the same 'friendship group'. I tried to make an effort with them, but it seems like they don't want to make an effort back. I only see them if I am at uni and they rarely contact me outside, so hardly what I would call "proper" friends if you know what I mean, not really close to them.

I feel like I tried so hard to make friends at the beginning of the uni because during school I didn't really have many friends. Even now I only have two friends from school. I thought uni was going to be my fresh start, where I meet loads of people and make loads of friends.

I went to socials, meet and greets etc. but nothing really came of it from the people I met and I ended up sticking to the two friends who I'm close to now just because we were on the same campus. However, I feel so lonely. They have other friendship groups within uni and outside uni and I feel as if they're my only friends.

I don't really have many friends on my course, just people I know, but wouldn't really class them as friends. Obviously, with the whole corona thing going on, my first year was cut short and going back into September I know it's going to be so different and harder to make friends.

Also, I'm a Muslim Asian girl, so I don't really go out clubbing and drinking. Also, I don't know if I'm just self-conscious but I feel like people are always judging me and don't want to be friends me. I tend to be quite reserved when you meet me, but once you get to know me I'm the total opposite and I feel like people just don't want to make the effort with me even when I make the effort with them. Like during freshers I met so many people, and I would always be the one to make an effort with them.

So yeah, what I really crave is a close set of friends, that I can relate to a bit more, people who actually want to be friends, not just for the sake of it because we're in the same group. I feel like it's going to be so difficult with everyone having formed their friendship groups it's going to be hard to fit in. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I'm back to square one :frown:

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Hi, I've had a similar experience. When the majority of my friends left to go to a different school I felt as though I started a new school. I did have one friend but she had her own friend group and although she attempted to include me I found it hard to connect to her friends. It felt like I only had friends in class. I spent the entire year struggling to find friends I could connect to.

What helped me in my last year of sixth form find some amazing friends is to join clubs and find mutual interests with people. I am quite quiet and I find it hard to approach people. I pushed myself to join different clubs and eventually found some nice people who were like-minded and we had similar interests. As I spent more time with these people during the club naturally a friendship formed.

My advice would be to try different societies your uni offers you? Don't be scared to approach people and find common interests with other people.

I don't think it's ever too late to form friendships. Although some friendships may have already formed nice people will be nice enough to include new friends. The friends I met through my club were already friends with each other and had known one another for years although I was the "new person" they never made me feel excluded. If something seems one-sided I don't think its worth spending your effort on people who don't treat you the way you deserve.

I'm starting uni this year and I'm nervous about making friends too especially since my cohort size is very small.

I really hope everything works out for you! It must be hard especially with the pandemic. Wishing you the best of luck with everything.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

This is such a sweet answer! Thank you for this. Honestly, it does feel like some of the friends I am friends with at uni are because we just happen to be in the same friendship group. It often feels forced and one-sided. I feel so alone and its' really upsetting. I've also struggled with mental health in the past and I feel like a lot of people don't understand or can't relate to it and tbh I don't really want to be friends with people like that. I hope things will get better for me in second year and good luck starting uni x

/ Making friends in second year

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