The Student Room Group
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>

This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Girlfriend won’t reciprocate Oral sex

I’ll keep this short, but I need as many different opinions and advice on what to do.
So basically I’ve been with my girl for 5 months but I’ve realised that she’ll never go down on me because “it’s not her thing, and it makes her feel sick”. Okay cool, but what I don’t understand why she always wants me to go down on her if she isn’t tryna reciprocate. I’ve gone down on her a few times, not necessarily because it’s my thing, but because I want to please my girlfriend. Simply?? The thing that makes it worse is the fact that I know she has given boys head before in , random boys she barely knows because she told me. So it makes me wonder if you’ve given head to boys that you weren’t even with in the recent past, then what’s suddenly changed? Is there something wrong with me? why I can’t I receive it too, especially if I’m willingly going down on her. She tried telling me “I’ve changed & it’s not me anymore” but I think it’s a load of waffle. I’ve been put off heavy, but I don’t want end things with her over this as I like her. I’ve told her she’ll never receive head of me again until I do.. simply & she did not like that AT ALL. I’m obviously not going to force anyone to do something they don’t want but i believe that sexual compatibility is important, if there isn’t sexual compatibility, I feel like it’ll result in cheating, unhappiness and most likely a break up.

I know for a fact that if she was giving me head, and she asked for head back and I turned to her and said “nah it’s not me sorry” she would most likely end it with me shortly after. She would definitely feel rejected and unsatisfied and she’ll either cheat or end it. I like this girl but I’m starting to get put off the lack of reciprocation. I just would like to know if anyone’s experienced the same or if you’re a girl, please educate me on her behalf if it genuinely “isn’t her thing anymore” or why she isn’t willing. Shyness isn’t the answer because she’s given a few man head in the recent past just for the fun of it.

(I don’t mean to be rude or anything but please don’t comment if you’re not understanding my frustration, I really don’t know what to do, it’s not a easy topic I can bring up with her as I can’t force her to reciprocate oral sex) thank you

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by Anonymous
I’ll keep this short, but I need as many different opinions and advice on what to do.
So basically I’ve been with my girl for 5 months but I’ve realised that she’ll never go down on me because “it’s not her thing, and it makes her feel sick”. Okay cool, but what I don’t understand why she always wants me to go down on her if she isn’t tryna reciprocate. I’ve gone down on her a few times, not necessarily because it’s my thing, but because I want to please my girlfriend. Simply?? The thing that makes it worse is the fact that I know she has given boys head before in , random boys she barely knows because she told me. So it makes me wonder if you’ve given head to boys that you weren’t even with in the recent past, then what’s suddenly changed? Is there something wrong with me? why I can’t I receive it too, especially if I’m willingly going down on her. She tried telling me “I’ve changed & it’s not me anymore” but I think it’s a load of waffle. I’ve been put off heavy, but I don’t want end things with her over this as I like her. I’ve told her she’ll never receive head of me again until I do.. simply & she did not like that AT ALL. I’m obviously not going to force anyone to do something they don’t want but i believe that sexual compatibility is important, if there isn’t sexual compatibility, I feel like it’ll result in cheating, unhappiness and most likely a break up.

I know for a fact that if she was giving me head, and she asked for head back and I turned to her and said “nah it’s not me sorry” she would most likely end it with me shortly after. She would definitely feel rejected and unsatisfied and she’ll either cheat or end it. I like this girl but I’m starting to get put off the lack of reciprocation. I just would like to know if anyone’s experienced the same or if you’re a girl, please educate me on her behalf if it genuinely “isn’t her thing anymore” or why she isn’t willing. Shyness isn’t the answer because she’s given a few man head in the recent past just for the fun of it.

(I don’t mean to be rude or anything but please don’t comment if you’re not understanding my frustration, I really don’t know what to do, it’s not a easy topic I can bring up with her as I can’t force her to reciprocate oral sex) thank you


wrong gf? no oral sex for her unless she wants to reciprocate. Obviously she feels that she does not need to respect your feelings.
Reply 2
Avatar for jae jae
jae jae
21
She might not be the right gf for you
be patient then wait and see....if she doesn’t change her ways when it comes to sex then just end it
(edited 3 years ago)
You are so right when you say that sexual compatability is important. It's so important that without it there is zero chance of the 2 of you having a happy long term future together.

I've had a girlfriend with whom I was sexually incompatible. She was a fun person with many admirable features. With hindsight I should have broken up with her a lot sooner than I did.

Your girlfriend will make a great girlfriend for someone that likes giving oral but isn't bothered about receiving it or doesn't like receiving it.
You will make a great boyfriend for someone that likes giving oral as well as being generally sexually adventurous, confident, and keen on pleasing you about as much as you are on pleasing them.

You owe it to her and to yourself to break up with her so that each of you can move a step closer to your romantic destinies; which is to be with someone with whom you are compatible enough inside the bedroom as well as outside.
Coming from a girl, leave her bro- I’d only back the right person and reading how you’ve said it is , I can understand your frustration and you have every right to be. But the fact that you’re patient and haven’t left her because it shouldn’t define your relationship really shows how well of a person you are. First of all her not giving head would be ok in a sense IF she didn’t expect to receive it herself .. but she is . And when you say you don’t want to give it because of that.. she gets angry? Or is angry ? Nope , that’s an L .
If anything life is too short, go get yourself someone you both equally love each other and not afraid to show it or is WILLING to try and make you happy.
you’re right, u can’t force her. if she doesn’t want to go down on u, u have to respect that. likewise u can choose whether to perform oral sex on her or not, and she has to respect that too. trying to coerce her into going down on u it on u by telling her u won’t go down on her, however, isn’t right and is just pushing boundaries she’s set and which u should respect: the why and the other background info (such as, she’s done it on other guys before) doesn’t matter here, if u ask me. boundaries change. if u feel like oral sex is an important part of ur sexual relationship and she isn’t willing to do it, which is within her rights, u should just end the relationship, imho
(edited 3 years ago)
I'd say end it. If you've only been with her 5 months and it's bothering you, then it will only bother you more the longer it goes on. Of course you shouldnt force her to give you oral but I'd be questioning it too if she had done it in the past but now doesn't. It's not really the kind of thing that you need to grow out of. It's not like it's something silly and immature that only the young and naive do. It's just a part of sex like anything else.
I've been in the same situation, only I'm female and it was my bf that wouldn't reciprocate oral, though he damn well expected me to do it. It's pure selfishness and I'd walk away from someone like that again in a heartbeat.
People have the right to choose what they do and don't want to do, some people don't like oral, giving or receiving and that's fine but both parties kind of should be on board with it and both totally fine with it. If one isn't then it's incompatible and it won't really be something that you'll just end up being happy to go without and the annoyance of it is likely to seep into other areas of your relationship.
It's not all about sex but it's still an important part of a relationship and life is just too short to settle for subpar. In my view anyway. That goes with anything.
Reply 7
Avatar for Surnia
Surnia
20
Either respect her decision or finish it - for her benefit, not yours.

Just because she's done something with other guys doesn't mean she has to do the same with you. She has the right to say no; maybe it wasnt an enjoyable experience with someone else and that's why she doesn't want to go down on you now. You are being very petty and immature by witholding instead of having a proper discussion about whether you are sexually compatible and should continue. And if thats the way you try to solve a disagreement she's better off without you.
You don’t give to receive in a sexual relationship. If you yourself don’t actively get a lot from giving her oral sex then just leave off it a bit. You shouldn’t stop it all together because she doesn’t feel comfortable giving you oral sex, I think that’s quite immature and spiteful/pressuring.

Maybe she just doesn’t know much about it or doesn’t have experience? Maybe it’s your maintenance down there? Maybe you could try with a flavoured condom? Not sure really. If she’s scared about it maybe getting used to it on a dildo might help - this worked wondered for my friend. As a f myself, bjs have always grossed me out but so did oral sex in general so I’ve never participated in it. Is there some other sort of compromise or something you could explore to add something new? A***? Role play? Car sex? Lots of different avenues. Hope you figure it out.
If it matters to you then you need to have a sit down and a talk with her. Don't get angry and don't get emotional. Simple things like are you clean down there - have you offered to shower first? What about tryign it with a (flavoured) condom? Flavoured lube? Anything to make the experience better for her.

At the end of the day we are all allowed sexual boundaries, and she doesn't have to do ANYTHING she doesn't want to, whatever you do for her.
you need to talk but the tit for tat stuff is very immature so she is probably better off with someone else.
As a girl myself I won't do this - I can't as it stimulates a gag reflex and someone would end up with teeth marks. I can't stand having my mouth full of anything - it makes me panic - I even eat in small mouthfuls. My partner is fine with this - it is not something we have ever done.What he chooses to do to me is never 'in return' for anything I have or haven't done.
talk to her about it, maybe she has some sort of trauma associated with giving bj’s so she doesn’t want to do it anymore?
Reply 12
Avatar for Zarek
Zarek
21
I don’t see why you can’t discuss with her why she doesn’t want to if she’s talked about doing it with other partners. This said if someone doesn’t want to do something sexually you generally have to live with it. At least the main event tends to do it for guys.
Ehhh, if she's not willing why do it yourself?

A lot of people are all like 'ohhh you shouldn't do that', but the fact of the matter is that you can absolutely guarantee that if the OP was someone's GF who was always willing to give oral but had a BF that would never do it, people would say exactly that and not even question it. Because, you know. It's fine for women to expect it and not provide their partner with the same pleasure, but god forbid a man does that.

Talk to her about it, if she won't budge you then have to ask yourself if the two of you are sexually compatible and whether it's worth continuing the relationship
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I’ll keep this short, but I need as many different opinions and advice on what to do.
So basically I’ve been with my girl for 5 months but I’ve realised that she’ll never go down on me because “it’s not her thing, and it makes her feel sick”. Okay cool, but what I don’t understand why she always wants me to go down on her if she isn’t tryna reciprocate. I’ve gone down on her a few times, not necessarily because it’s my thing, but because I want to please my girlfriend. Simply?? The thing that makes it worse is the fact that I know she has given boys head before in , random boys she barely knows because she told me. So it makes me wonder if you’ve given head to boys that you weren’t even with in the recent past, then what’s suddenly changed? Is there something wrong with me? why I can’t I receive it too, especially if I’m willingly going down on her. She tried telling me “I’ve changed & it’s not me anymore” but I think it’s a load of waffle. I’ve been put off heavy, but I don’t want end things with her over this as I like her. I’ve told her she’ll never receive head of me again until I do.. simply & she did not like that AT ALL. I’m obviously not going to force anyone to do something they don’t want but i believe that sexual compatibility is important, if there isn’t sexual compatibility, I feel like it’ll result in cheating, unhappiness and most likely a break up.

I know for a fact that if she was giving me head, and she asked for head back and I turned to her and said “nah it’s not me sorry” she would most likely end it with me shortly after. She would definitely feel rejected and unsatisfied and she’ll either cheat or end it. I like this girl but I’m starting to get put off the lack of reciprocation. I just would like to know if anyone’s experienced the same or if you’re a girl, please educate me on her behalf if it genuinely “isn’t her thing anymore” or why she isn’t willing. Shyness isn’t the answer because she’s given a few man head in the recent past just for the fun of it.

(I don’t mean to be rude or anything but please don’t comment if you’re not understanding my frustration, I really don’t know what to do, it’s not a easy topic I can bring up with her as I can’t force her to reciprocate oral sex) thank you


Okay so you need to talk to her about why it’s not her thing and what she doesn’t like. Maybe she doesn’t like the feel or taste of being gagged by a rock. It’s very very different to you giving a woman Oral sex. Try it yourself on a banana it’s not peasant ! It’s jit something you should briber her with I’ll do you if you do me if it’s non negotiable for you and she doesn’t want to then break up instead of expecting her to do it to please you. Have a conversation I’ve been happy to go down in some blokes and hated it on others , seriously talk to her and find things that turn you both on instead of focusing on that one thing. Good luck
Reply 15
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by twinklelittlstar
you’re right, u can’t force her. if she doesn’t want to go down on u, u have to respect that. likewise u can choose whether to perform oral sex on her or not, and she has to respect that too. trying to coerce her into going down on u it on u by telling her u won’t go down on her, however, isn’t right and is just pushing boundaries she’s set and which u should respect: the why and the other background info (such as, she’s done it on other guys before) doesn’t matter here, if u ask me. boundaries change. if u feel like oral sex is an important part of ur sexual relationship and she isn’t willing to do it, which is within her rights, u should just end the relationship, imho


Yes. But she expects to receive but not give! So he has a choice to make- he puts up with it or he moves onto someone else who thinks and behaves differently!
Original post by mgi
Yes. But she expects to receive but not give! So he has a choice to make- he puts up with it or he moves onto someone else who thinks and behaves differently!


Original post by twinklelittlstar
if u feel like oral sex is an important part of ur sexual relationship and she isn’t willing to do it, which is within her rights, u should just end the relationship, imho


apologies if I didn’t make it clear enough, that was exactly my point :”)
Original post by jae jae
She might not be the right gf for you
be patient then wait and see....if she doesn’t change her ways when it comes to sex then just end it

Yeah quick update, we’re still together and she seems to have fallen more and more in love with me to the point where she goes down on me without an issue... I guess... because she wants to pleasure her boyfriend, I hung in there. I guess she just wasn’t ready at the time I was complaining...

Really and truly, if anyone reads this, I basically just acted like I didn’t care anymore and kinda gave her a slight vibe she can be replaced with someone that’ll go down on me (might seem manipulative) so I guess that kinda scared her abit and eventually she just started going down on me.. I was unhappy and unsatisfied but I didn’t want to give up on what we had just because of that, Now she does it without stress :wink: and I give her the best sex.
Original post by Anonymous
I’ll keep this short, but I need as many different opinions and advice on what to do.
So basically I’ve been with my girl for 5 months but I’ve realised that she’ll never go down on me because “it’s not her thing, and it makes her feel sick”. Okay cool, but what I don’t understand why she always wants me to go down on her if she isn’t tryna reciprocate. I’ve gone down on her a few times, not necessarily because it’s my thing, but because I want to please my girlfriend. Simply?? The thing that makes it worse is the fact that I know she has given boys head before in , random boys she barely knows because she told me. So it makes me wonder if you’ve given head to boys that you weren’t even with in the recent past, then what’s suddenly changed? Is there something wrong with me? why I can’t I receive it too, especially if I’m willingly going down on her. She tried telling me “I’ve changed & it’s not me anymore” but I think it’s a load of waffle. I’ve been put off heavy, but I don’t want end things with her over this as I like her. I’ve told her she’ll never receive head of me again until I do.. simply & she did not like that AT ALL. I’m obviously not going to force anyone to do something they don’t want but i believe that sexual compatibility is important, if there isn’t sexual compatibility, I feel like it’ll result in cheating, unhappiness and most likely a break up.

I know for a fact that if she was giving me head, and she asked for head back and I turned to her and said “nah it’s not me sorry” she would most likely end it with me shortly after. She would definitely feel rejected and unsatisfied and she’ll either cheat or end it. I like this girl but I’m starting to get put off the lack of reciprocation. I just would like to know if anyone’s experienced the same or if you’re a girl, please educate me on her behalf if it genuinely “isn’t her thing anymore” or why she isn’t willing. Shyness isn’t the answer because she’s given a few man head in the recent past just for the fun of it.

(I don’t mean to be rude or anything but please don’t comment if you’re not understanding my frustration, I really don’t know what to do, it’s not a easy topic I can bring up with her as I can’t force her to reciprocate oral sex) thank you


Just gonna say I have never been in the position to give a guy oral sex, so im not weighing in. But right now my motives are very thin on the ground. I gotta lot of mixed feelings.
I was on video call with a guy and he wanted me to pretend to do it with a similar object and the whole time it was horrible, just me choking myself, nose running, gagging and balling my eyes out. If i hadnt started to pretend to do it by moving out of shot wach time i might have actually thrown up. He apparently loved to watch it.
If i ever end up with a bf im gonna let him know that it is probably my least favourite thing to do in the world, and i will look like **** when i do it. And if i were to do if for him for his pleasure, cause i like him, then i need a good 20mins in the bathroom to get myself back together again afterwards. Is that what guys experience when they do oral sex for women? Honestly asking. I dont care about oral sex for me, not interested, just asking.
Original post by Anonymous
And if i were to do if for him for his pleasure, cause i like him, then i need a good 20mins in the bathroom to get myself back together again afterwards. Is that what guys experience when they do oral sex for women? Honestly asking. I dont care about oral sex for me, not interested, just asking.

Not at all. Master can't get enuf of my honeydew peach and when he has me and another girl he spends ages eating our p's. Like several hours. He wolfs us both with his face glazed and it's rlly horny for all us :biggrin:

OP seems to have a prob not just with lack of reciprocity of the specific act but with lack of respect for wat he considers to be reciprocity in general. He's prob right the girl would not see this the same way if sits were reversed and that rlly means, it won't change, other manifestations r gonna occur and he has to decide if he's OK being in a non-reciprocal rel.

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you