Duped on internet dating app...

I am a woman and a lesbian, and I recently signed up for a lesbian dating app. I matched with a very attractive woman on there, and we've been chatting everyday. However, I recently showed a picture of her to my family, and they pointed out that she might be a man. I didn't think about it, because I presumed she would have told me early on. Anyway, I confronted the elephant in the room, and it turns out that she was born a man, but fully transitioned four years ago. She did not admit it of her own accord however, which has annoyed me. I feel like people should be upfront about things like this. Am I right to be annoyed?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

yes ofc you're allowed to be annoyed cos even tho they've transitioned, it's difficult to get past the fact that they were once a guy and deep down they still are. And imo any transgender person should be completely upfront with something like that to make sure the other person ain't bothered by it.

Reply 2

JustOneMoreThing

21

Of course, she's not as woman as people who are born female so you have a right to know what you're getting into.

Or in this case, what's getting into you.

Reply 3

Scottishlad888

19

Stop talking with that person you cant have faith in a person like that telling you lies not been honest with you at the outset if you dated a person like that what other lies are they going to tell you block that person do it now

Reply 4

NurseCarol

16

Original post by Anonymous

yes ofc you're allowed to be annoyed cos even tho they've transitioned, it's difficult to get past the fact that they were once a guy and deep down they still are. And imo any transgender person should be completely upfront with something like that to make sure the other person ain't bothered by it.

Original post by JustOneMoreThing

Of course, she's not as woman as people who are born female so you have a right to know what you're getting into.

Or in this case, what's getting into you.

"trAnSpHoBeS", nah But I agree with you both lol. Argument aside about whether trans women and women or not, they should've been honest with you. I suppose it depends how long they were talking to you without letting you know? Seems unfair to let you get emotionally invested like that without telling you. Some people just cant/wont date trans people, surely they must have known this??

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

I’ve been talking to her for a few weeks. She was going to tell me whilst we were on the first date apparently, although most people include it on their dating bios. I don’t think I would have appreciated finding out on a date though. I’d rather knw upfront.

Reply 6

ANM775

20

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve been talking to her for a few weeks. She was going to tell me whilst we were on the first date apparently, although most people include it on their dating bios. I don’t think I would have appreciated finding out on a date though. I’d rather knw upfront.

She might not have even told you at all tbh

plenty don't...

You should have seen the amount of Jerry Springer shows back in the day where a trans woman came on and revealed to her bf she was gay.... :biggrin:

Reply 7

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Anonymous

I’ve been talking to her for a few weeks. She was going to tell me whilst we were on the first date apparently, although most people include it on their dating bios. I don’t think I would have appreciated finding out on a date though. I’d rather knw upfront.

Although you've got every right to be angry / upset, I can sort of see where she's coming from.

Personally, I tend to go for girls younger than myself (don't worry, strictly over 18's lol), and I look significantly younger than my age... so getting the initial interest / attraction is pretty easy IRL. I know at some point I'd have to tell them I'm older, but I would rather do that after I've sold other parts of my personality / character etc. firs... then it tends to be less of an issue than if I'd have told them from the initial outset.

This might be somewhat hypocritical of me, as I wouldn't knowingly date a transsexual... but I do think they have it extremely tough out there (I imagine, easily double the issues general gay / lesbians have). I mean, it's easy for us to say "she should have been upfront" and all that, but I can't imagine how "easy" it is to reveal something that you know society is largely "not OK" with and you know it could put them off., and if it keeps happening I can see why they'd be reluctant to reveal it.

Original post by ANM775

She might not have even told you at all tbh

plenty don't...

You should have seen the amount of Jerry Springer shows back in the day where a trans woman came on and revealed to her bf she was gay.... :biggrin:

I don't think you can really compare Jerry Springer to real life... the whole thing was a blatant pantomime (largely for shock value).

In order to get on Jerry Springer, they show the contestants 20 different scenarios of what they could be (with one of them being the "truth"), and they only let you go on the program if, and only if, they say that they're OK with it being one of them. Apparently most people just say "Yeah yeah... just get me on the show"

Jeremy Kyle was the nearest English equivalent (even though Jerry Springer is from London originally lol).... but IMHO, JK could lay some claim in wanting to help people (e.g. the rehab programs he sent people on),

Reply 8

ANM775

20

Original post by Old Skool Freak

I don't think you can really compare Jerry Springer to real life... the whole thing was a blatant pantomime (largely for shock value).

In order to get on Jerry Springer, they show the contestants 20 different scenarios of what they could be (with one of them being the "truth"), and they only let you go on the program if, and only if, they say that they're OK with it being one of them. Apparently most people just say "Yeah yeah... just get me on the show"

Jeremy Kyle was the nearest English equivalent (even though Jerry Springer is from London originally lol).... but IMHO, JK could lay some claim in wanting to help people (e.g. the rehab programs he sent people on),

Source?

Reply 9

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by ANM775

Source?

I can't find a source as I remember it mentioned on a documentary about the show several years ago... I didn't expect to have to "source" it on a random message board years later lol.

But... you know me from this board quite well, and although we may disagree on specifics, I'm sure you know that I'm not one to BS. Logically speaking, with all the controversy of the show, it would make sense they'd take precautions to legally cover their own back, in case "it" ever hits the fan. With that being said, I'll leave it to your own judgement whether or not you think I would make it up.

However, what's far more clear cut is that Jerry Springer was a blatant freak show..

1) The whole "Round !" bell would trigger two rednecks to kick the cr*p out of each other, before one of them would say "I'm gonna get me an education WHOOOP",

2) There was practically a circus running around the guests, there was a dwarf, a guy with no legs and god knows what else dancing around all the time.

3) They even had a guest on who'd married and regularly had with a HORSE ffs.

Anyway, if you want to discuss that further, please start a new thread, and lets not derail this one any more.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you. It is difficult out there, and I do feel sorry for her. It can’t be easy, snd I know she’s had a lot of issues because of it. She even confided that her family have totally cut her off. I have continued talking to her, and she is lovely. I just don’t know how I feel about it, if I’m honest. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I’m not sure that I’m attracted to her at all because of the TV thing. I want to be able to see past it, but I’m struggling...

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

To be honest, no I don't think you are right to be annoyed. A lot of trans people (but not all!) just want to be seen as cis gender and, after transitioning, don't consider being trans a big part of their life. Along with this, there is a huge amount of transphobia out there and it is a very difficult thing to bring up with someone you've never met that you are transgender. If you've only been talking a few weeks then why should she have to tell you such a personal thing about herself?

If you liked her before you found out then I would suggest doing a bit of research on what it's like to be transgender and maybe try to find out what dating's like from a trans woman's perspective. I'm sure she'd appreciate you trying to understand transgender issues some more. If you two get along when you meet then I don't see how her being transgender would affect your relationship, apart from perhaps the physical aspect.

Duped on internet dating app...

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