subconsciously isolating myself?

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fake_abs
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#1
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I don't know how to describe how I feel but i'm always in like a cocoon in this particular feeling. I'm social, I'm a good level of popular, no one has beef with me. I have a group of friends and I know they think of me as close friends, but I just... don't? I always feel like there's something stopping me from being that close bsf for lifes. Same of romantic relationships. It seems bad to say, but i always know that I'm not attached to that person. Even family. (if you see some other posts of mine , you know I have a bad relationship with family so it doesn't mean much)

it could be influenced by trauma but my memory is so selective and bad. I would assume so but maybe not.

I know it is sad but it isn't painful. I'd be like "oh that's a shame". It makes me scared. I feel isolated knowing no matter where I go, I won't be attached. People describe love and friends, and I understand but I can't relate. I understand what people are going through and understand how they'd make them feel, but not relate.

I love the feeling of switching friend groups and schools or being thrown in new situations, but I get bored so easily. I thought it was something to do with ADD because i do have some symptoms, but it seems deeper than that. I do have dissociative symptoms, such a selective memory and depersonalization/derealization.

I also have been very unconcerned about my future. ( i know it's impossible but i've found myself feeling immortal?). I want to worry like I used to, but I just don't? I have a weird sense of ego too. I know my ego shouldn't be as inflated as it is or that it isn't particularly normal, but I also feel powerful.

I don't think I'm antisocial or have some disorder. But would you know why someone would experience this? maybe i'm subconsciously just cutting off people? it might be some form of dissociation?
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historynerd47
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Please don't take my advice to heart- I am not qualified in mental health at all just wanting to see if I can help a little or provide a possible reason. I think the most likely thing sounds like a coping mechanism your mind has created due to trauma, defensive.
But it's the second to last paragraph about feeling like you could be immortal (though you know you're not), inflated ego, loss of worry (which is nice but feels by the way you brought it up, like a change for you unless prompted by you working on your worries about the future), reminded me of hypomania. Basically a period of less extreme mania: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-...nia-and-mania/
I could be totally wrong here but may be worth checking out. If you do seek help like I would recommend anyone having difficulties with their mental health, do mention the symptoms in the last paragraph
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fake_abs
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(Original post by historynerd47)
Please don't take my advice to heart- I am not qualified in mental health at all just wanting to see if I can help a little or provide a possible reason. I think the most likely thing sounds like a coping mechanism your mind has created due to trauma, defensive.
But it's the second to last paragraph about feeling like you could be immortal (though you know you're not), inflated ego, loss of worry (which is nice but feels by the way you brought it up, like a change for you unless prompted by you working on your worries about the future), reminded me of hypomania. Basically a period of less extreme mania: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-...nia-and-mania/
I could be totally wrong here but may be worth checking out. If you do seek help like I would recommend anyone having difficulties with their mental health, do mention the symptoms in the last paragraph
I'm currently moving so that might be the reason? But these feelings have started long before that so corona might be the reason? I don't really remember when it started and i do remember having "episodes" like this when I was younger. Maybe I've always felt like this and moving has made it more obvious?

My thought pattern is like
"oh so and so is going to feel bad once I move"

And so many people have pointed out that, that's not the way you're supposed to think. You are supposed to be sad or miss someone. I don't understand! For the life of me, everytime I try to think about what I'm feeling or try to make myself sad, it just doesn't do anything. I'm frustrated. What am i supposed to think or feel? I try to explain it and everyone just tells me about their own experience moving and how they were sad and excited. I feel nothing. Why? I understand that I should feel that way, but I can't make myself.
The hypomania, I do have manic episodes. I wish I knew the extent of my mental health history, accurately.
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Rufus the red
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I can't help as such but I'm fairly similar. At school I have a fair few friends but split into 4 groups who don't mix much and I tend to just walk between them at break and lunch or sit and read on my own. I'd say out of them I've got 4/5 close friends and the rest are lesser friends and their friends so I don't generally have a very strong friendship with them even if I can communicate in an articulate manner with them (I think most of them consider me as a friend).
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Isabellablue3
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I suppose that when you are going through a period of stress, even if u don’t realise it (like u moving) your body subconsciously détachés itself from its surroundings in a sort of defensive mechanism so you don’t get psychologically distressed. This is why you find yourself questioning ‘why dont feel anything ‘
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fake_abs
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(Original post by Rufus the red)
I can't help as such but I'm fairly similar. At school I have a fair few friends but split into 4 groups who don't mix much and I tend to just walk between them at break and lunch or sit and read on my own. I'd say out of them I've got 4/5 close friends and the rest are lesser friends and their friends so I don't generally have a very strong friendship with them even if I can communicate in an articulate manner with them (I think most of them consider me as a friend).
I'm kinda high on the social hierarchy at school meaning that everyone will talk to me. I am in every friend group, I've mentioned before that I've many different hobbies, so I relate to everyone. But I feel like this is fake or just like no one really knows me. No one knew I was born in Denmark until a week ago (I'm moving back there so) I thought I had mentioned it. But I know everything about everyone else. Who's dad's a drunk to who's got a record. I just feel like a human locker.
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fake_abs
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(Original post by Isabellablue3)
I suppose that when you are going through a period of stress, even if u don’t realise it (like u moving) your body subconsciously détachés itself from its surroundings in a sort of defensive mechanism so you don’t get psychologically distressed. This is why you find yourself questioning ‘why dont feel anything ‘
yeah...I just to figure out why.
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Rufus the red
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(Original post by fake_abs)
I'm kinda high on the social hierarchy at school meaning that everyone will talk to me. I am in every friend group, I've mentioned before that I've many different hobbies, so I relate to everyone. But I feel like this is fake or just like no one really knows me. No one knew I was born in Denmark until a week ago (I'm moving back there so) I thought I had mentioned it. But I know everything about everyone else. Who's dad's a drunk to who's got a record. I just feel like a human locker.
Yes, I'm different in that I'm not terribly socially articulate but I do feel that a lot of people who I don't consider friends consider me a friend and know very little about me. I find that once I can talk to someone I can communicate but generally not about myself or I make a humorous response which isn't actually true and that as a result they don't know much about me and I do feel a bit socially ostracized as I don't talk properly about myself even though I communicate.
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