Me and my partner share the same birthday but he wants to spend it with his friends

Me and my partner have been together for over 5 years and we share the same birthday ( different years ) every year so far we have spent it together as we are normally away somewhere but due to covid 19 we are at home. I am off work and he just decided to mention he is playing golf with he’s friends for his birthday as thats what he wants to do . I am taken back by this and upset why he doesn’t want to spend our birthday together ? It’s my day special day too and it doesn’t seem like he care and that’s not his priority. We are going away together the next week for a stay cation but I still feel upset he doesn’t want to me with me on our actual birthday. Am I over reacting ???

Reply 1

Lilymae69

15

you sound controlling. let him go out with his friends you see him everyday fgs

Reply 2

username5173262

22

I wouldn't say you're controlling, you're just taken aback because you usually spend it together. I mean at the end of the day though, let's assume he's the one and you spend the rest of your years together, are you planning on always spending it together? Seems like a heavy commitment to me, so maybe a year with his friends is just a refreshing birthday. Keep things exciting you know? Best part is, you can do the same with your friends now, have a good time and enjoy yourself :smile:

Reply 3

abbycahill92

OP

2

Original post by Lilymae69

you sound controlling. let him go out with his friends you see him everyday fgs

I haven’t stopped him , he works a lot and unsociable hours so I don’t get to see him that much. He sees his friends whenever he likes and often plays golf just didn’t really see why it needed to be on the day of both our birthdays could be on the days leading up to it

Reply 4

abbycahill92

OP

2

Original post by 2_versions

I wouldn't say you're controlling, you're just taken aback because you usually spend it together. I mean at the end of the day though, let's assume he's the one and you spend the rest of your years together, are you planning on always spending it together? Seems like a heavy commitment to me, so maybe a year with his friends is just a refreshing birthday. Keep things exciting you know? Best part is, you can do the same with your friends now, have a good time and enjoy yourself :smile:

Yeah you have a good point ! That was really helpful to see it in a different light thank you . I think it was mainly how he never considered to ask or discuss it with me . I suppose I am also guilty of just assuming but he know how much birthdays mean to me , I feel he could of considered me and asked as it’s too late to make plans for me , it’s Wednesday

Reply 5

MidgetFever

21

If you've spent every birthday together since, what harm would it be to let him have just the one to himself? You can both make up for it when you go on your vacation.

Reply 6

abbycahill92

OP

2

Original post by MidgetFever

If you've spent every birthday together since, what harm would it be to let him have just the one to himself? You can both make up for it when you go on your vacation.

Fair point

Reply 7

cf18372

5

maybe if you play golf you could ask to go too? or maybe do something after? But maybe the staycation made it a justified decision in his head without thinking to discuss it? Happy birthday btw

Reply 8

Foxehh

21

Its just one year. After playing golf he can come home and you can spend it together anyways :smile:

Reply 9

abbycahill92

OP

2

I don’t play golf but maybe I could ask him if it will be all day if not we can spend some time together later . Yeah , that is very true maybe I am just getting too fixated on the actual date / day . Thank you 😊

Reply 10

Kingali.b

3

Original post by abbycahill92

Me and my partner have been together for over 5 years and we share the same birthday ( different years ) every year so far we have spent it together as we are normally away somewhere but due to covid 19 we are at home. I am off work and he just decided to mention he is playing golf with he’s friends for his birthday as thats what he wants to do . I am taken back by this and upset why he doesn’t want to spend our birthday together ? It’s my day special day too and it doesn’t seem like he care and that’s not his priority. We are going away together the next week for a stay cation but I still feel upset he doesn’t want to me with me on our actual birthday. Am I over reacting ???

I think you are extremely overreacting, let the man live with the boys. I'm sure he wont forget about you. If hes taking you for vacation I think that its a present in itself

Reply 11

abbycahill92

OP

2

Original post by Kingali.b

I think you are extremely overreacting, let the man live with the boys. I'm sure he wont forget about you. If hes taking you for vacation I think that its a present in itself

I appreciate your honestly . I needed to hear it from someone else before I discussed it with him so thank you

Reply 12

username5173262

22

Original post by abbycahill92

Yeah you have a good point ! That was really helpful to see it in a different light thank you . I think it was mainly how he never considered to ask or discuss it with me . I suppose I am also guilty of just assuming but he know how much birthdays mean to me , I feel he could of considered me and asked as it’s too late to make plans for me , it’s Wednesday

No problem. And yeah I understand that, not having the talk about it wasn't that considerate to you. Not my place to guess why he didn't, but it could have just been excitement or he forgot to mention it, but again I wasn't there. If you do say anything though, tell him to make it up to you on the holiday, after all you deserve a special day every year too.

Reply 13

chopingirl

14

it sounds like he's grown out of the special feeling of birthdays and it's just a regular day to him. it's not about you so don't take it as an insult or anything.

Reply 14

Kingali.b

3

Original post by abbycahill92

I appreciate your honestly . I needed to hear it from someone else before I discussed it with him so thank you

No problem, I am a very honest man

Reply 15

Lilymae69

15

Original post by abbycahill92

Yeah you have a good point ! That was really helpful to see it in a different light thank you . I think it was mainly how he never considered to ask or discuss it with me . I suppose I am also guilty of just assuming but he know how much birthdays mean to me , I feel he could of considered me and asked as it’s too late to make plans for me , it’s Wednesday

is ur bday on wednesay cos so is mine

Reply 16

beneficialgirl

16

Who cares, you’re overthinking it and this is the type of thinking/controlling behavior that pushes people away. You’ve literally spent every birthday with him since AND you’re going on holiday with him the following week - don’t you have your own friends that you can/want to hang out with on your birthday? You technically are doing something with him for yo he birthday by going away.

Reply 17

bones-mccoy

19

I understand why you're upset but it's his 'special day' as well, he's perfectly entitled to celebrate how he wants. Put a positive spin on things - this is also your chance to see family, friends, do something nice with someone else instead. You're still going away together soon so focus on that instead of just one day. Maybe he's got to the stage where he doesn't find birthdays as important anymore whereas you still do.

Me and my partner share the same birthday but he wants to spend it with his friends

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