Muslim marriage struggles

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Anonymous #1
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Hi
I’m a Muslim girl in my early twenties . I consider myself a strict and practising muslim. The problem I have is that every time I think about meeting a potential partner through family, I feel like a robot with no emotions. I feel very reserved and don’t want to get emotionally attached to anyone who is not my husband yet. I don’t feel physically attracted to anyone. A pretty face doesn’t impress me. Is this normal to feel like this?
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi
I’m a Muslim girl in my early twenties . I consider myself a strict and practising muslim. The problem I have is that every time I think about meeting a potential partner through family, I feel like a robot with no emotions. I feel very reserved and don’t want to get emotionally attached to anyone who is not my husband yet. I don’t feel physically attracted to anyone. A pretty face doesn’t impress me. Is this normal to feel like this?
It is normal. You have to find someone to develop feelings with and love.
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Vanessa Peace
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi
I’m a Muslim girl in my early twenties . I consider myself a strict and practising muslim. The problem I have is that every time I think about meeting a potential partner through family, I feel like a robot with no emotions. I feel very reserved and don’t want to get emotionally attached to anyone who is not my husband yet. I don’t feel physically attracted to anyone. A pretty face doesn’t impress me. Is this normal to feel like this?
Very very normal. I get where you are, you not about the look but more on his personality. I not sure but (curious question), does your family want to marry off at a young age. Sorry, I was just learning about your religion at school and found out that is what some practise. If not, just be patient, your prince charming will come.
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tk40xxD
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi
I’m a Muslim girl in my early twenties . I consider myself a strict and practising muslim. The problem I have is that every time I think about meeting a potential partner through family, I feel like a robot with no emotions. I feel very reserved and don’t want to get emotionally attached to anyone who is not my husband yet. I don’t feel physically attracted to anyone. A pretty face doesn’t impress me. Is this normal to feel like this?
You could always ask for your father's help in the matter.

One thing I learned from my mother is that children are the greatest joy in her life.

Not the husband.
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mgi
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(Original post by tk40xxD)
You could always ask for your father's help in the matter.

One thing I learned from my mother is that children are the greatest joy in her life.

Not the husband.
That's sounds rather sad ! So the husband is just the sperm donor then! And they want to advise their own children on how to find a suitable marriage partner while having these dodgy views!?
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi
I’m a Muslim girl in my early twenties . I consider myself a strict and practising muslim. The problem I have is that every time I think about meeting a potential partner through family, I feel like a robot with no emotions. I feel very reserved and don’t want to get emotionally attached to anyone who is not my husband yet. I don’t feel physically attracted to anyone. A pretty face doesn’t impress me. Is this normal to feel like this?
Its fine! You are not ready yet emotionally and the right person has not come along yet! What's the recipe for a miserable life? allowing other people to choose a life partner for you!
You should not go straight from living dependently with your parent into a marriage either! And do some research on what constitutes a successful happy marriage- it ain't an arranged marriage that's for sure!
And, let me say this delicately, it makes no sense getting married unless you have explored how your own body works emotionally and physically!
Last edited by mgi; 2 months ago
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tk40xxD
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(Original post by mgi)
That's sounds rather sad ! So the husband is just the sperm donor then! And they want to advise their own children on how to find a suitable marriage partner while having these dodgy views!?
Yes, the husband is the sperm donor and provider. All of this "love" talk sounds like it's from people who flit from eros to eros and can't sustain a relationship.
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SoulfulTwist
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(Original post by tk40xxD)
Yes, the husband is the sperm donor and provider. All of this "love" talk sounds like it's from people who flit from eros to eros and can't sustain a relationship.
How sad
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Bagarigak
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Hey there,
I am sorry about what you are going through.
Perhaps if you could have a one-to-one discussion with your mum about your feelings, this will help?
I understand you may feel awkward about it but know that this is normal and you just have to assert yourself more here even though it is uncomfortable for you.
Of course, you have to get to know the person personality-wise and not get married to just anyone because they have a pretty face.
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Xarao
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As long as you're not being forced, you can always say no. I get it's much more difficult for you, since based on your post, you're attracted to other things than physical appearance which is completely fine and normal. You'll need time to get to know someone and not people asking for your immediate hand-in marriage. In the end, just make sure you're never rushing into anything or feeling pressured to, and do things your way. You'll find the right person at the right time.
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Bagarigak
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(Original post by Vanessa Peace)
Very very normal. I get where you are, you not about the look but more on his personality. I not sure but (curious question), does your family want to marry off at a young age. Sorry, I was just learning about your religion at school and found out that is what some practise. If not, just be patient, your prince charming will come.
I don’t think OP is being married off. I believe it to be an arranged marriage (which has the consent of both parties).
OP comes from a reserved family, so it is uncomfortable for her to express her feelings.
Also, it isn’t to do with religion. It has got to do with culture and upbringing.
Last edited by Bagarigak; 2 months ago
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mgi
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(Original post by tk40xxD)
Yes, the husband is the sperm donor and provider. All of this "love" talk sounds like it's from people who flit from eros to eros and can't sustain a relationship.
I know you are joking. Otherwise we could say that the vagina is just a receptacle for sperm and egg to join. And therefore the mother is just s bsby grower and that's all!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mgi)
Its fine! You are not ready yet emotionally and the right person has not come along yet! What's the recipe for a miserable life? allowing other people to choose a life partner for you!
You should not go straight from living dependently with your parent into a marriage either! And do some research on what constitutes a successful happy marriage- it ain't an arranged marriage that's for sure!
And, let me say this delicately, it makes no sense getting married unless you have explored how your own body works emotionally and physically!
Lol we have conflicting views for sure!
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Anonymous #2
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You may try to meet people in your Uni or at a nearest mosque. Before meeting them let them know that you just want to know the person and if you like him you want to marry. And if you don't want to search for your partner, just wait and the right person will come and ask you your babas number.
If your parents are true Muslims, they won't be able to 'force' marriage you without your consent as it's prohibited in islam.
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Anonymous #3
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why don’t you find someone you are really attracted to whether it be female or male and marry them?
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
why don’t you find someone you are really attracted to whether it be female or male and marry them?
It would, by the sound of ehat she says, hard for her to admit to her family what she is really feeling and who she really is.
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onceuponatime1
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(Original post by mgi)
It would, by the sound of ehat she says, hard for her to admit to her family what she is really feeling and who she really is.
The fact that she has to ask her family for approval shows how oppresive the culture is. All humans are independent and self-determining. Once you reach a developed age, you should be able to make rational and critical thoughts on your own. Requiring approval from an external authority on something personal like marriage is simply oppresive and restricting.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
why don’t you find someone you are really attracted to whether it be female or male and marry them?
I don’t date. Also marriage means a lot more to more than physical attraction.
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onceuponatime1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t date. Also marriage means a lot more to more than physical attraction.
Why do you need to get married? Why not just have a relationship without a marriage? Marriage does not mean your partner is not susceptible to cheating. I would argue it is simply a false way of attributing responsibility and attachment to the relationship. If you ever get divorced, it also becomes messy with regards to dividing assets.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Raymondsantos)
Wow! I am the complete opposite. I find it so hard not to form some sort of emotional bond with someone I am with. I can't reserve my emotions until matrimony. That is impossible.

Someone from another family wanted to set me up with their daughter, hoping it would work between us. They saw me and thought I'd be a good fit for their child. But the girl was too conservative and hesitant in terms of opening up to me romantically until marriage. She kept holding up, and kept holding up. That it became really difficult on me. So I ended it. We lasted only 1 month.
Hello


Thanks for replying!

Yes, I’m the same - I want some initial emotional bond with the person I want to marry. But I want to save the intimacy and romance until marriage.

I guessing your in favour of love marriage too?
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