The Student Room Group
Competition - post a photo you've taken of nature >>
Competition - post a photo you've taken of nature >>
Competition - post a photo you've taken of nature >>

Grade my story?

Sorry it's long
(edited 3 years ago)
First word? = ?????????????????????
Reply 2
Avatar for katnix
katnix
15
First of all this story has a lot of descriptive words and content but like I don’t understand what’s happening in the story. I really don’t understand anything this is just jumping to one setting to the next. It really doesn’t make sense think about the story content clearly.
Reply 3
Avatar for katnix
katnix
15
There are lots of long sentences. Do short sentences for a effect
Reply 4
Avatar for katnix
katnix
15
The first paragraph is just one sentence I don’t see any full stops or anything. Also the paragraphs are too long make them shorter. Add a title to your story. I understand that it was difficult writing this out but like the first word in your story isn’t even a word. I don’t know what that means. And it should have a capital letter the first word since it’s the start of a sentence. Your story should be eye catching and interesting however your story is dull and uninteresting. When writing a story write a story that interesting and not dull
Reply 5
Avatar for josh.kayy2
josh.kayy2
OP
10
Original post by katnix
The first paragraph is just one sentence I don’t see any full stops or anything. Also the paragraphs are too long make them shorter. Add a title to your story. I understand that it was difficult writing this out but like the first word in your story isn’t even a word. I don’t know what that means. And it should have a capital letter the first word since it’s the start of a sentence. Your story should be eye catching and interesting however your story is dull and uninteresting. When writing a story write a story that interesting and not dull

Thanks for the reply! The first words meant to say cursorily but I guess it cut out for some reason? Appreciate the feedback tho will defo use this to try & improve it 👍🏻
Reply 6
Avatar for josh.kayy2
josh.kayy2
OP
10
Cursorily! Cut out for some reason 🤔
Reply 7
Avatar for Kerzen
Kerzen
17
Is this a piece of work you have to submit for your GCSE in English?
What level is this for?

Hoydenish?
Flocculent Flocks?

It looks perhaps as if you have used a thesaurus for some parts and haven’t quite understood the word you’ve changed your original word to?
As others have said the punctuation is not quite there also.
You’ve seemed to put more importance on making it sound more descriptive by using your thesaurus but have hidden the plot under it so that it’s not clear what is actually happening.
Reply 9
Avatar for josh.kayy2
josh.kayy2
OP
10
Original post by GabiAbi84
What level is this for?

Hoydenish?
Flocculent Flocks?

It looks perhaps as if you have used a thesaurus for some parts and haven’t quite understood the word you’ve changed your original word to?
As others have said the punctuation is not quite there also.
You’ve seemed to put more importance on making it sound more descriptive by using your thesaurus but have hidden the plot under it so that it’s not clear what is actually happening.

Thanks for your feedback! My teacher asked me to be more descriptive last time I handed a paper so i snuck in some words /phrases i read in an oscar wilde book, hence the odd vocab. She also said to show not tell which is why I thought hiding the plot underneath would add ambiguity making it a tad more exciting? I guess I need to apply that way better tho 🤔 thanks tho!!
Original post by Kerzen
Is this a piece of work you have to submit for your GCSE in English?

Yeah- I'll be changing it a lot tho so I won't fail lol
Reply 11
Avatar for Kerzen
Kerzen
17
Original post by josh.kayy2
Yeah- I'll be changing it a lot tho so I won't fail lol


Can you say what the actual piece of work set is, pls? I mean what the teacher has said is required.

It's nice to be creative, but not if what you have written isn't what the teacher has asked for.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you