Anyone else feel extremely lonely at uni?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I’m commuting and Ive seen the uni once earlier this week and I know its just starting and its all mew bit everyone who is moving out seems to be loving life while I’ll be taking the train alone.
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Anonymous #2
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I haven't gone yet but this is going to be me I live in the town but with my parents and will just be cycling to uni. I know no one, idk where I'm meant to go and when. I'm not going to make any friends

Anyone else who gets ur train to uni?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I haven't gone yet but this is going to be me I live in the town but with my parents and will just be cycling to uni. I know no one, idk where I'm meant to go and when. I'm not going to make any friends

Anyone else who gets ur train to uni?
Exactly me!! I dont know anyone there and when I visited the train was empty and the uni was lifeless
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Trinculo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m commuting and Ive seen the uni once earlier this week and I know its just starting and its all mew bit everyone who is moving out seems to be loving life while I’ll be taking the train alone.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I haven't gone yet but this is going to be me I live in the town but with my parents and will just be cycling to uni. I know no one, idk where I'm meant to go and when. I'm not going to make any friends

Anyone else who gets ur train to uni?
The two of you are talking yourselves into a problem. It is your attitude that needs to change.

It's absolutely true that you will not be having the same experience as most, and definitely won't be having the halls thing. However, that should be no bar whatsoever to making friends. Absolutely, we're in strange times at the moment - but that applies to everyone. Make an effort with people. Try to meet as many people as you can (restrictions notwithstanding). You can always get together with other people who live out. After first year, pretty much everyone travels in to some extent.

Think about the postgrads, and what they do - they make friends and meet new people - but they only have a year to do it, and they'll probably all be commuting as well as some of them having jobs. Certainly when I did MSc, it was a case of getting stuck in.

I would certainly try the facebook group for your course (if there is one), as well as whatsapp groups - try and get something going a half dozen of you to go out. Get a late train.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Trinculo)
The two of you are talking yourselves into a problem. It is your attitude that needs to change.

It's absolutely true that you will not be having the same experience as most, and definitely won't be having the halls thing. However, that should be no bar whatsoever to making friends. Absolutely, we're in strange times at the moment - but that applies to everyone. Make an effort with people. Try to meet as many people as you can (restrictions notwithstanding). You can always get together with other people who live out. After first year, pretty much everyone travels in to some extent.

Think about the postgrads, and what they do - they make friends and meet new people - but they only have a year to do it, and they'll probably all be commuting as well as some of them having jobs. Certainly when I did MSc, it was a case of getting stuck in.

I would certainly try the facebook group for your course (if there is one), as well as whatsapp groups - try and get something going a half dozen of you to go out. Get a late train.
I have tried but as someone with social anxiety it is quite hard. I’ve tried joining facebook groups etc and messaging out to people who I know will be attending my uni I’m not trying to force friendship with people. And as soon as covid stops I will be joining clubs etc. I dont mind making effort but I dont want it to be one sided too.
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Moana92
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Maybe you could put a post on your town's fb group asking if anyone else commutes and whether they would be interested in commuting with you so that you both have company?
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Ramipril
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Peak. Don't worry mate it'll all be online soon anyway.
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DoNotMove
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m commuting and Ive seen the uni once earlier this week and I know its just starting and its all mew bit everyone who is moving out seems to be loving life while I’ll be taking the train alone.
I'm also commuting, and I can assure you're not alone. Though it takes me a bloody age to get into uni to socialise (my course doesn't start til the 5th and people have already been moved in for a week), I do it anyway because when you're there, it's pretty fun. Of course, it's still missing out but there will be definitely be other people going to uni who are in the same situation! It'll be okay.
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Quiet Benin
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I looked around the room on my first induction today and i realised 'i have made the same mistake just as i did when i was an undergraduate'. Everyone was talking to each other - first time this group ever met!

But i have to accept it innit? that i'm forever alone even though its a masters and this time, im commuting from my hellish home.

I would say OP, accept the pain and move on.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DoNotMove)
I'm also commuting, and I can assure you're not alone. Though it takes me a bloody age to get into uni to socialise (my course doesn't start til the 5th and people have already been moved in for a week), I do it anyway because when you're there, it's pretty fun. Of course, it's still missing out but there will be definitely be other people going to uni who are in the same situation! It'll be okay.
I dont think ill be able to go im whenever to socialise especially when things keep getting changed when it comes to covid precautions. Its all a headache.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Quiet Benin)
I looked around the room on my first induction today and i realised 'i have made the same mistake just as i did when i was an undergraduate'. Everyone was talking to each other - first time this group ever met!

But i have to accept it innit? that i'm forever alone even though its a masters and this time, im commuting from my hellish home.

I would say OP, accept the pain and move on.
Really, is it just one of those things. I think I am slowly accepting being alone.
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Callicious
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I live about an hour from Uni and have since 2nd year (start) and am in 4th year (start)

Made two friends at Uni who I just chat to over FB/Disc (haven't met in a year+ :P)
You get used to this kind of thing over time.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Really, is it just one of those things. I think I am slowly accepting being alone.
MY MAN
Or woman.
Take your pick.
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DoNotMove
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I dont think ill be able to go im whenever to socialise especially when things keep getting changed when it comes to covid precautions. Its all a headache.
well make the best of a bad situation. find groupchats or discord servers for your uni, and socialise with people there. No point just sulking
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DoNotMove)
well make the best of a bad situation. find groupchats or discord servers for your uni, and socialise with people there. No point just sulking
Im not just sulking, I posted on fb I replied to posts to be added into the gc but have yet to hear from anyone. I joined all the Fb groupchats, Its not like Im just expecting it to happen out of nowhere.
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Ramipril
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Im not just sulking, I posted on fb I replied to posts to be added into the gc but have yet to hear from anyone. I joined all the Fb groupchats, Its not like Im just expecting it to happen out of nowhere.
You'll probably have to talk to actual people on your course or through virtual societies. Facebook is dead these days and for all they know you could be some random bot.
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Ki Yung Na
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My experience from one year of commuting was one of the most enjoyable experiences of education I’ve ever had in my life. I preferred it to school and I preferred it to the times I lived on campus.

I have social problems due to Asperger’s syndrome.
I also have mental disorder issues or risk/liability issues due to schizophrenia.

I experience anxiety to ridiculous levels,
And I even had episodes of depressive stage during the year I did the commute.

All in all, I still rate it far better than what it was without.

Getting to the point though. Commuting is only difference because you aren’t in the bubble of close proximity to lectures, library and flatmates/coursemates.

When you are in the university yoh have to understand that by saying you are a commuter if inside your mind you have the belief that this makes you lesser a student of the university (which is effectively what you feel like) then the other person will only feel this more and then be less inclined to want to be involved with you because you have a negative view of your situation.

As has been said above. The view you have to take or the way you have to be is simply, straightforward.

When you have a chance to speak to someone and they reciprocate energy, simply be good at continuing and returning this.

As a commuter you have more development socially because of this obstacle.

I’ve luckily worked in sales before doing this. So when I got to uni, I simply focussed on my course. And if I read the other persons chemistry and energy as being interested, I simply reciprocated (this is even though I have social anxiety triggers and communication differences due to autism)

This year, I am taking an anti anxiety medication. Last year I managed to make three to four friends. This year however if I control my anxiety even better and then also do things like quit cigarettes (anxiety inducer) I’ll be able to tackle the situations even better. The difference is. I’ve grown more in confidence and have strengthened how I communicate with those in the campus - I simply go where I feel valued and most people will value you as long as there is mutual respect. We are all adults. (I probably have age to my advantage but you’ll be able to be less prone to things like schizophrenic risks) so whilst I’m not saying I had it hard, I am saying, statistically and historically, people like me are supposed to not be able to make friends at university and even harder apparently if they commute. But what I’ve written here, it explains how you can easily overcome this barrier by changing where and how you put your effort into what you do —- a large part is down to how you see yourself and the person you speak to —- mindset.

Do not forget, it all boils down to luck at the end of the day. If you focus on your surroundings, you will see openings for friendships. If you focus on your speech and behaviour, yoh will see reciprocation and if you focus on mindset, you will attract people just by being yourself.

All the best, sorry for the wall of text.
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